I can still remember my mothers' look when I told her I wanted to invite Lucy to spend the holidays with us.
She furrowed her brow in that way that she did when she thinks something is a bad idea.
"Are you sure you want to invite Lucy, dear?"
"Of course, I'm sure. She's my best friend, mum."
She let the water run over her hands for a few seconds, washing the potatoes she'd been making for dinner, "I know she's your best friend, but Lucy can be a little," she seemed to contemplate her words, "much sometimes. How long will she be staying?"
This was an odd question from my mother, usually charitable, but I knew that it was the time of year that had her nervous. It was the twenty-ninth of December, Christmas now in the rearview mirror and New Years' looming on the horizon, and my family was four days into celebrating the Twelve Nights of Christmas. My family is Christian, but the sect we belonged to believes in the significance of the Twelfth Night. The Twelfth Night was marked by the Feast of Epiphany. We spend most of the day at service, singing songs and praising God, but that night we hold a large meal, and Mother always makes a Tortel to celebrate the occasion.
That's also the night that Frau Perchta visits us, and that can be a tumultuous time all its own.
Not a lot of people celebrate the Twelfth Night. Christmas is usually the highlight of the season, but it's a religious tradition my mothers and father brought from France when they moved here, and it's been a part of my life for so long that it just seems normal to me.
To my knowledge, Lucy's family was not religious at all, so Lucy was looking forward to seeing what our holidays were like.
"Her family will be back on the tenth, just in time for the end of Christmas break," I said, almost pleading with her not to reconsider.
My mother looked at her potatoes as she worked, "She knows that it's not all fun and games, right? We go to church a lot on those days, and the celebration is mostly religious."
I nodded, "Yes," I assured her, "she knows it's not all fun and games."
That wasn't a complete lie. Lisa had been interested in my family's "quaint" holiday customs, and I had tried to tell her how this time of year was important to my family. There had been a lot of questions in my class about the Twelve Nights of Christmas. I had told them how it had to do with the nativity play and less to do with the song, how we had the traditional Tortel, a pastry with a pea in it, and how if you found the pea, you got to be the Queen for the evening. I usually found it, and my parents made a game of me being Queen for the night and parading me around the house. Lastly, I told them about Frau Perchta, the old woman who would visit on the Twelfth night and give out presents to good children.
I believed this was the reason that Lucy wanted to stay with me instead of Chelsea or Maggy. Lucy saw an opportunity to get a kind of second Christmas and wanted to use my holiday to get more presents. I wasn't too offended by this idea, I liked extra gifts too, but the idea of her using Frau Perchta to get them made me feel a little funny. Not guilty, but...not good either.
Lucy was used to dealing with a kind and generous gift-giver, but Frau Perchta was not a benevolent, jolly being.
The Frau was a little scary, and I had only just gotten comfortable around her myself. She was a gift-giving entity, which was nice, but she was also a stick that my parents would use to correct me when I was bad. Unlike Santa, the Frau was not just a Christmas entity either. The Frau was always watching, always judging, and they used her year around when I stepped out of line.
"Better behave, Frau Prechta will see."
"Put that candy back; you wouldn't want me to tell the Frau."
"Better get to sleep before Frau Prechta knows you're naughty."
I had never incurred the wrath of the Frau, but mum had said she would switch me if I were naughty, and she told stories of a sister that had gone missing after being especially willful one year.
Frau Perchta was a coin with two faces, and one of those faces had teeth.
Mom nodded stiffly, "Far be it from me to turn away guests during the holidays. Just make sure she's on her best behavior. You know how the Frau feels about willful children.
I shuddered as she said the word, remembering the sister she had never seen again.
Lucy arrived two days later, and her parents thanked mine for agreeing to let her stay. They were going to see friends out of town, places where Lucy would be relegated to a backroom of strange children while their parents gathered. They offered my parents money for her food and board, but they waved it away. Lucy was our guest, and they were glad to have her. Her parents smiled at that, kissed their daughter goodbye, and they were off to the airport to catch their flight.
My parents and I helped Lucy up to my room, Lucy having brought enough luggage for a month, and I showed her the cot we had set up for her and the spot in my closet I had emptied for her. She made appreciative noises, right up until my parents left, and then scoffed at the idea of sleeping on a saggy old cot. I saw her eyeballing my canopy bed before she made her intentions known.
"As a guest, it would only be generous for you to let me use your bed."
"But then where would I sleep?" I asked, not quite understanding the trade-off. There was no way we could share the bed. The mattress felt too small for me sometimes. I looked at the floor but wrinkled my nose at the idea of sleeping there. I wasn't a messy child, but sleeping on the floor still seemed like a great way to roll over on a lego or a Barbie shoe.
"Well, why don't you sleep on the cot? It'll be like being on holiday," she said, sitting her bag on the foot of the bed and telling me about the barbies she'd brought to play with and DVD's she had to for us to watch as I took my princess blanket and pillow and set it on the cot.
This was going to be a long few weeks.
My mother thought it was very sweet of me to let Lucy use the bed. I smiled and told her it was the right thing to do for a guest, but the cot was lumpy, and I slept poorly. I thought mean things at Lucy every time I saw her snug in my bed, but I was careful to cut those kinds of thoughts off pretty quick. Such things might be willful, and I wasn't sure if Frau Perchta could read minds. I wasn't in a big hurry to find out either.
The first week went by pretty quickly. Lucy and I played with dolls, watched cartoons in our PJ's, helped mom around the house, and spent our nights giggling or telling secrets. Lucy was always polite and well behaved around my parents, but she was a bit of a brat in private. Lucy complained that our food was too bland, our house too cold, and that the services we dragged her to every night were too dull. I had seen my father shoot her some dark looks as she sat in the pew beside me and sighed or fidgeted, but he was too kind to ever say much. She seemed to find our services quaint but boring and was always ready to go when it was time to leave.
On New Years', Mum and Dad let us stay up with them till midnight and toast the New Year with sparkling cider. We sat in front of the TV, watching the New Years' special and waiting for the ball to drop. Lucy told me about how, last year, she and her parents had been in Paris for the New Year, and her mother had let her drink some of her champagne when the clock struck midnight. I asked her what it tasted like, and she said, low, so my parents didn't hear her, "It tasted better than this gross juice." and stuck her tongue out as she laughed. She went to set her glass down, and I saw it tip over and spill onto the carpet. She picked it up quickly, and my mother saw the stain before she saw the glass.
"Oh no, whose spilled grape juice on my carpet?"
Lucy pointed the finger at me, "It was an accident, ma'am. She didn't mean to."
I started to become indignant, but Lucy gave me a pitiful look that communicated clearly that she didn't want to get in trouble.
I didn't say anything, and mum made me get a towel to help clean it up.
When they yelled, "Happy New Year," I looked up quickly, having missed the ball drop as I dabbed at the spot.
I didn't whisper to her that night, and I think she knew I wasn't happy with her.
The second week was the worst. Lucy began to complain about the daily trips to church, and even my father's good mood was starting to stretch thin. We had a neighbor who agreed to watch her while we went to church. I was honestly a little glad for the time away from Lucy. Her outbursts and snarky attitude were funny at school, usually making teachers grind their teeth and other students laugh. At home, she just came off as a brat and kind of mean to boot. After that, she mostly laid around and in her pajamas and did what she wanted. Her complaints about our food, it being too bland or being the same thing every day, were starting to wear on my mother as well, and I could see her counting the days until Lucy's parents came to get her.
Mum became a little weird where Lucy was concerned. I heard her calling her parents a few times, telling them how Lucy missed them and had asked when they were coming back. Lucy had made no such claims. She was clearly enjoying being our guest, and her parents coming back was the farthest thing from her mind. Despite Mum's best efforts, it appeared that Lucy would be with us through the weekend. Mum didn't seem happy about this, and I wondered if she was worried about what the Frau would make of Lucy.
I wasn't happy with Lucy, but I didn't want her to disappear.
The day of the Twelfth Night arrived, and the house was filled with low excitement. Mom and Dad were cleaning wildly, Mom taking breaks to cook the meal for tonight, and Lucy and I were relegated to my bedroom so the house would stay clean. Lucy complained about this, of course, and kept asking me questions about the Feast. What kind of food would we have? When would the princess cake be served; which is what she had started calling the Tortel. Would the Frau be here to give presents before or after the meal? Would we have to go to church to get the gifts? She went on and on until I finally told her I didn't know, or it would depend. I was tired of her being here, and I kind of wanted her to leave.
Before service that night, Mom had the food ready for our return and laid the Tortel out under a bowl to cool. The sitter made her way over, giving Lucy a look like she regretted promising to watch her, and we left for church. The Christmas service was always beautiful. The choir sang hymns, and mum had made me a beautiful white dress for the service. The Pastor read a beautiful sermon about the birth of Christ and his presentation to the temple. He talked about how on the day of Epiphany, the twelfth day, it was revealed that Jesus was the incarnation of God the Father and how this was a momentous occasion for the people so they could have a personal relationship and not one dependent on the Temple or the Priests. I listened intently, having heard the story before, but always enjoying the Pastors stories about the life of Christ. I was a little sad when it ended, knowing that I would have to go back to Lucy and her meanness. I closed my eyes before leaving and asked Jesus to help me. I asked him to take this burden away from me, which was something I had heard people ask for before.
Maybe I should have been more careful with that prayer.
Lucy was dressed in a similar white dress when we got home, a gift from my family to her for the Feast. The sitter left, waving and thanking my mother for the ten dollars she handed her but going in a hurry without a backward glance. Lucy complained about the dress almost at once, saying it didn't fit right, and it was too baggy for her. She said the hem was too long and that she kept tripping over it, but my mother mostly ignored her as I helped her get the food on the table.
Then we prayed over the meal and sat down to enjoy our feast. Mum had made a red wassail for the occasion, and the warm apple cider tasted great after being out in the cold. There were mashed potatoes, ham, fruits and vegetables, both stewed and raw, pies, roast, and, of course, the Tortel, which sat as the centerpiece. We all dug in, and it was the first time I had heard Lucy stop talking in days. She ate a little of everything, her eyes sliding again and again to the Tortel, and who could blame her. The pastry glistened with sugar and looked delicious.
When we had all eaten as much as we could, Mum cut the Tortel and served us all a piece.
"Now remember, if you find the pea, you get to be Royalty for the evening." she reminded us.
We all dug in, savoring the tasty tart, and I expected to find the pea with every bite. I think, even then, I believed that my parents let me have the pea every year so I could be the Princess of the Feast, and as I saw my tart become smaller and smaller, I began to wonder if they had moved it this year. Lucy was eating as well, but I saw her hand slip into her pocket as she ate, clenching something. Suddenly, she sat up, bringing her hand out of her pocket and proclaiming how she had found the pea.
I could only gape as my parents congratulated her.
Had she just cheated to get to be Princess of the Feast?
I didn't have long to gape, however, since as she turned to me, grinning, there was a light tap at our door.
Mum stiffened, looking at Lucy and me, saying, "Frau Perchta has arrived."
She and dad left the table, heading for the door, but I stopped Lucy as she started to get up.
"You cheated. Why would you do that?"
I was less mad than hurt, honestly. Lucy was our guest, we had treated her far better than she had treated us, and this was just...needless. I would have let her share the title with me if I had won, but for her to cheat to win was just...my young mind didn't have words to describe it then. I simply couldn't make sense of why she would do it.
"Duh, your parents would have probably just given you the piece with the pea in it. While you were at church, I lifted the corner and saw it in the corner of the piece she gave you. So I took it and put it in my pocket for later. It wasn't fair that you just got to win. So I cheated, just like your parents were going to. Now step aside, peasant. Your Princess is off to get her presents."
And with that, she skipped off towards the living room.
I had little choice but to follow after her.
The Frau was seated in the living room when I arrived. Frau Perchta, as I've said, had always scared me a little. She was dressed in a habit, a long white shawl covering her face and framing the ghastly looking mask that she wore. The mask was made of dark wood, looking ancient, and resembling a smiling ogre. She was hunched, using a cane to get around, and she leaned forward in the chair as she beckoned me forward with a gnarled hand.
"Come forward, child."
I took a step, her voice sounding like dry leaves in a hollow log.
Lucy stepped forward instead, standing before the Frau and jutting her chin out.
"Hey, I was here first. I should get my gifts before her."
My mother sucked in a breath, and my father's eyes got very wide as his skin seemed to pale.
The mask bent to look at Lucy, and the wooden thing did not like what it saw.
"Run along, child. You are not of my ilk, and I would not judge you by my rules."
Lucy huffed out an angry breath, "Hey, I was promised presents from you. What, I don't get presents just because I'm not a part of this place?"
The wearer of that mask sucked in a long-suffering breath and looked at Lucy icily.
"Clearly, you are not of this place, child. If you were, you would know that it is wise to treat me with respect when I honor a household with my presence."
"Oh, so I'm just supposed to accept that you didn't bring me anything?" she brought the pea out of her pocket and waved it in front of the masked face, "I'm the Princess of the Feast, and I want my gifts. I'm royalty today, and you can't tell a Princess no," she said haughtily.
Her bluster melted away when the old woman's hand wrapped around her slender neck.
"Even if you were the grandest princess in all the land, I answer to a higher power and will not be spoken to in such a way by you. You wish to have my gifts? Prepare to receive them."
She stood, stooped no longer, and carried Lucy's struggling body over to the coffee table. She shoved the magazines and nick-nacks off the table and slammed the struggling girl onto the surface. I looked at my parents but frozen in horror and surprise, before screaming for them to do something. My father looked at Mum, nudging her and whispering something to her that brought her out of her trance. She moved in front of me, blocking the scene from view, and whispering soothing words to me as my friend gagged and screamed.
Through the crook of my mother's arm, I could see the old woman take a knife from beneath her robe and lift it over the struggling girl. Her reddening face was terrified, seeing the knife preparing to gut her, and she struggled all the harder. The old woman's grip was like iron, though, and as she tried to line up her blade, she seemed to be having trouble seeing through her mask. The tip hooked beneath the lip of her mask and swung it up to sit on her head, and it was then that she seemed to notice me. She looked at my mother, and her dry voice cracked out, bringing her back around to face her.
"Do not shelter that girl. Let her see what befalls those who cross the White."
Mum looked down at me, clearly not wanting me to see what was about to happen, but moved aside obediently.
When I caught sight of the Frau's face, I put my hands to my mouth to stifle a scream.
The ogre mask was an improvement compared to what lay beneath. Her gaunt face was skeletal, the nose little more than a flap of skin, and that skin was ice blue and stretched over her skull like a piece of wax paper. Her teeth were sharp, like little stones in her mouth, and she held my eyes with a pair of crystalline blues that nearly gave me frostbite. She released me a moment later, bending to the struggling girl she had pinned against my mum's coffee table, and lifted the knife to get to her work.
Lucy struggled frantically. She was aware, it seemed, that this was no joke and that neither her parents nor my parents were going to swoop in and save her. Lucy had found someone who would not give her a pass because she was young and pretty. She had found a creature to which things did not matter. Lucy had learned too late that sometimes it's best not to keep poking a bear when it's given you a chance to run.
When the knife came down, it seemed to surprise her all over again.
Her white dress began to soak with blood, the blade cutting through her abdomen and slitting her belly open. The old woman cut into her guts, sticking the knife blade first into the table, and dragging out handfuls of ropey entrails. She threw them on the ground, Lucy twitching and convulsing as her life bled away. Her face had gone from red to purple, and her eyes bugged out as the lack of air caught up with her. It seemed the bloodloss won out, though, because I saw her bulging eyes roll up to the whites as her purple face slackened in a death mask. She went limp, head lolling to the side, and the Frau reached behind her to grab a scratchy sack I hadn't noticed before. She upended the sack, spilling sticks and pinecones, old wrappers, and vegetable peels, into the opening before taking out a long bone needle and stitching Lucy closed. She did this amazing speed, years of practice I supposed, sewing up Lucy as her dead eyes stared at the Frau's habit, which was unstained by blood or gore.
When she finished, Frau Perchta sat in her chair once more and motioned me over.
I didn't want to go, I had just seen this woman kill one of my best friends, but my mother pushed me towards her and gave me a nervous look that said all it needed to.
I approached her chair on rubbery legs, trying not to look at Lucy's bloated form as I passed her. The Frau held out her hand, the blue fingers streaked with gore, and I heard the clink of coins. I held out my hand, not wanting her to touch me, and she let four large gold coins fall into my hand. They, too, were bloodied, my gift holding its own little warning as she offered it to me.
"You are a good child. Know that I am pleased by your charity and your pure heart. Fear not, I will take care of that one," she said, indicating Lucy, "but you will need to make the proper excuses." she said to my mother and father.
They both nodded and shunted me up to my bed, my numb fingers still gripping the coins.
I didn't know how I would sleep after all that, but as the adrenaline wore off, I found my eyes growing heavy, and it was morning before I knew it.
I expected to find Lucy in my room, asleep under her blankets, but she and her things were all gone. Her bags had been taken away, her bedding and her clothes missing, and when I went downstairs, the living room was spotless. My parents were in the kitchen, their garb from the night before nowhere to be seen, and my mother was on the phone with the police filing a missing person report. Her voice held nothing but honest emotion, and that's likely why nothing was ever said about the incident other than regret.
"She left in the night, officer. We woke up to find her things gone, and the front door open. Well, she had been feeling homesick, but we didn't think she would just up and disappear. We've searched for her since dawn when my husband noticed she was missing. No, not a sign of her. Yes, I called her mother and let her know, and they are on their way back now. Yes, yes, please, officer. If you find anything, let us know. Thank you."
She hung up the phone and sat with my father at the table, both of them looking at me.
"Sweety, we need to talk about what happened last night."
They told me everything. She told me the old stories about how Frau Perchta would reward good children and punish those who were willful. Mum told me that she had seen her sister punished in just such a way as Lucy, the body and the mess gone by morning but not forgotten, and certainly not gone forever.
"They found her body a few months later, buried in a snowdrift. It was one of the reasons that I left the community when I was old enough. The police might not know what had happened to her, but I did, and the community certainly did. When the coroner found sticks and rocks sewn inside her, the community knew that my mother had raised one of the willful ones. I had hoped that by leaving, I would be able to flee the traditions of my people, but when the Frau arrived at my door on my first Feast away from home, I knew there would be no escaping her."
She looked at me, her eyes full of pity and resolve.
"You will have to do the same. This is your life now, and it won't end just because you leave it. The Frau is our burden, the gift given by my family generations ago, and she cannot be escaped. When you have children of your own, you must remember this night and raise them to respect The White. You know the consequences of failure now. If the police ask you what happened to Lucy, just tell them the truth. Tell them you haven't seen her since last night and leave it at that."
And so I did, so I have been doing for years now.
I'm a married woman now, I have children of my own, and I have raised them to both revere and fear the yearly visits of Frau Perchta.
My children are good kids, but I will never make the same mistake my mother made on that day when I was young.
I will never allow outsiders to stay at my house for the holidays.
I will never let my children know the dark secrets I keep inside.

Prinz and Planes

--Azur Main--
--Iron Blood Dorm--
--Noon--
“So Seydlitz, how do you like Azur Main so far?” Hipper asks Wesser as they walk towards her and Eugen's shared room.
Wesser nods. “It is quite a nice base compared to back home. The Flying Fortress, Azur Germany, is more of a military stronghold compared to this piece of paradise.”
“Ja.” Hipper smiles. “The Commander here made sure we are comfortable with our living spaces, so we get to design our own dormitories. Being Iron Blood, we had to have a brewery here. It is very helpful and profitable.”
“I bet.” They both enter the room and Wesser could tell the stark contrast between her sisters' halves. On the left side was neat, organized, clean. That was Hipper’s side. The right side was unorganized with loose pieces of clothing and empty mugs, cans, and bottles across the floor. That was Eugen’s side. Hipper sighs heavily and begins picking up her sister’s trash, while Wesser looks at her sister’s desk. On Hipper’s desk was an unpainted B-25 Mitchell Bomber 1/32 scale plastic model. The bomber plane model was neatly constructed with the mold lines cleanly shaved.
“Lovely model plane, Hipper.” Wesser compliments her sister’s work. “I remember watching your live streams making this with Bataan and I-13 with Mikasa reading chat.”
Hipper confidently smiles as she puts down the trash bag. “Hehe! Thank you Seydlitz! And a few days from now I get to paint it!” She smiles, proud of her hobby. “It took so long to find a historically accurate model of this bomber. So many websites visited, but I found this beauty.” Wesser leans in to touch it, but Hipper stops her. “Don’t! It is pretty fragile!”
“Oh, sorry.” She backs away as the blonde cruiser relaxes.
“Sorry about that.” She apologizes to the light carrier. “I get a bit worried when anyone other than Bataan, I-13, Mikasa, or myself, handle my model planes.”
“It is fine.” The redhead carrier shakes it off. “I understand. You are living with Eugen.”
“Yeah…” Hipper groans.
“Hayello!” Walking into the room was the energetic Prinz Heinrich, carrying an intoxicated Prinz Eugen. The long white hair P-Class cruiser smiles as she enters. Hipper looked annoyed as Eugen looked up at her, her face plastered with breath smelling like alcohol.
“Hallo, my flat sister.” Eugen teases.
Steam blew out of Hipper’s ear. “DID YOU SERIOUSLY HAD A BEER AT THIS TIME OF DAY!?!”
“Well, I was showing Heinrich around and we had a few at the Iron Pub.” Eugen giggles as she stands on her own. Heinrich rocks back and forth, still full of energy. “And we are on a vacation of sorts. So lighten up or else you won’t grow.”
“WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT MY CHEST!?” Hipper lets out, her anger bursting from her small stature.
“Eugen.” Wesser gets between them. “Please don't fight.”
“Hehehe,” Eugen wraps an arm around her light carrier sister. “Okay fine, Seydlitz.” Wesser could smell the beer from her breath.
“Heinrich, how much beer did you guys drink?” Wesser asked her.
“Ummm,” Heinrich starts to count with her fingers. “About maybe thirty pints or something like that.” Hipper facepalms as Wesser lets out a heavy sigh.
Eugen delightfully giggles. “You know it is not a vacation without some alcohol~” She starts to stumble, pushing Wesser and herself into Hipper’s desk. As she bumps the desk, the B-25 Bomber model starts to wobble before falling. Time slows down for Hipper as she despairingly watches as the model falls from the desk and hits the floor, shattering into pieces. Wesser looks down at the model and then to Hipper, while Eugen just hiccups.
“Whoopsie,” Eugen says with a somewhat drunken smirk. “Sorry about that Hipper.” Heinrich notices Hipper balls up her fist. She reaches into the trash bag of empty beer bottles and takes one out.
“YOU FUCKING HARLOT!!!!!!!!” Before anyone could react, Eugen is hit square in the head with an empty beer bottle by Hipper. Tears stream down her cheeks as the glass bottle shatters on impact. Blood starts to drip from Eugen’s head as Heinrich runs over to restrain the furious sister. “YOU DISGRACEFUL PIECE OF SHIT SISTER! FOR COUNTLESS DAYS, I DRAGGED YOUR FUCKING ASS BACK FROM THE BAR WHEN YOU WERE BLACKOUT DRUNK! EVERY TIME FOR DORM INSPECTIONS I CLEAN YOUR TRASH HEAP OF A ROOM! I MADE SURE YOUR CLOTH ARE CLEAN! BED MADE! YOUR FUCKING EMPTY BEER BOTTLES AND TANKARDS AND MUGS THROW OR CLEANED! I HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BULLSHIT! YOUR TEASING! YOUR MESSES!”
“Hipper, calm down!” Heinrich tells her, but the Admiral is not backing now. She continued to berate the stun silence Eugen as Wesser took her to get medical attention.
The last thing Eugen heard as she left Hipper was: “I AM LEAVING YOU!!”
---
--Medical Faculty--
--Afternoon--
“And there. That should heal in about a day or two.” Dr. Comfort informs Eugen as she finishes removing the glass shards from her head. Wesser watches from the side, seeing Eugen smile and nods along to the Doctor’s orders. Before long, Eugen walks out of the room, her face nonchalant as it were.
“Eugen.” Wesser catches up to her. “Eugen. Eugen. Schwester!”
“Was?” Eugen turns to her, her hands behind her head.
“Schwester, are you okay?”
“I am fine, Seydlitz.”
“But Hipper seems genuinely upset by your… carelessness.”
Eugen shrugs, seemingly not caring about the situation. “It is Hipper. Always keeping her emotions bottled up. I am sure when I return back to the room, it will be back to normal.” Before Wesser could say a thing, Eugen strides forth out the door.
The light carrier sighs, rubbing her forehead. “I doubt so.”
--
As Eugen returns to her room, she sees that something was off. On Hipper’s side, everything was gone, like her sister’s belongings. Her model planes, her aviation books, her laptop, her small flower pot, even her pink cute flower pillow; everything her sister own was gone! The only thing left on her side was the broken model of the B-25 sitting on her desk. Eugen sighs and lays on her messy bed.
“Back to normal?” Eugen looks up to see Wesser, leaning against the door frame. “Heard from Heinrich that Hipper grabbed her belongings and went to the Royal Navy Dorm. Said that she will be staying with Grenville and Glowworm.”
Eugen waved it off. “Whatever. Sooner or later Hipper will come back.”
“I don’t know Eugen. I think you broke her patience with you.” Wesser tells her. “Heinrich said that she had tears running down her face as she stormed off towards the Royal’s housing.”
“As I said, she will be back,” Eugen repeats as she lays in bed. “I am going to take a nap. See you at dinner, Seydlitz.” The heavy cruiser pulls up the blanket and lays her head on the pillow. Wesser rolls her eyes and closes the door.
--Sometime later--
“Argh~~” Eugen yawns as she wakes up from her nap. “Wie spät ist es? [A/T: What time is it?]” She sits up, stretching her arms up.
“A bit after nine pm.” Someone tells her.
“Hmmm?” She stops her stretch and turns to see the Commander, sitting on Hipper’s old bed, with a plate of food on the nightstands.
He smiles at her. “Good nap, Eugen?”
“Yeah.” She sighs. Knowing him, he probably knows what happened with her and Hipper earlier today. “My dinner?” She points to the plate.
“Yeah,” He hands it to her. She digs it and before long, the food was gone. After the meal, the Commander begins his talk. “Prinz Eugen, I heard from Wesser and Heinrich about what happened early in the day with Hipper.”
Eugen knowing shrugs, brushing it off. “It is Hipper. She will be returning back to this room in a day or two.”
“Eugen,” The Commander says with a look of concern. “Don’t brush this off, please. You should at least genuinely apologize to her for destroying her model. You may think this is not a big deal, but given how much Hipper gave time to drag from being drunk and other messes, it is the least you can do.”
“It will be fine,” Again, Eugen shrugs it off.
The Commander sighs. “Prinz Eugen. Please don’t be nonchalant about this. You may be a good tactician and fighter on the sea, but on base, you just hang out the bar, flirt and tease others, get into fights with Wales, a lot of things with either Hipper, Bismarck, Tirpitz, or me having to step in. I don’t like it. They don’t like it. Eugen, please, just fix the mistakes with your sister.” He looks at her with concern, yet stern eyes. It may work with some shipgirls, but for Eugen, it doesn’t work. She just smiles and nods.
“I’ll try tomorrow morning.” Eugen offered as she stood up. “I will see you later, Kommandant. Night.” Before the Commander could ask where she was going or confirm that she would do it, she leaves and heads to the pub to serve herself a pint or two.
--The Next Day--
“Alright, time to begin some light exercise,” Tirpitz says over the crowd of transfers. “I, Tirpitz of the Iron Blood will be leading these exercises as the Kommandant has fallen a bit ill as of late. There will be a few targets out in the bay. Calibrate your dummy rounds for all ranges, hit your targets, then you are dismissed for the day. Questions?” No hands or comments. “Get started.” As the crowd starts to disburse, Bataan and I-13 run over to Hipper.
“Hipper!” Bataan calls to the Iron Blood cruiser. “Are you ready for the model stream this weekend? I cannot wait to paint that B-25!”
“Yup!” I-13 smiles as they activate their riggings and head to a dummy. Hipper, still angry for what happened yesterday, unleashed her full firepower, annihilating the dummy ship. Both Bataan and I-13 watch as Hipper lets out several breaths.
“Everything all right, Hipper?” The aviation sub asked her.
Hipper turns to her friends and just sighs, her fists clenched. “Tell Mikasa that we have to reschedule that stream… the B-25 Bomber model… has to be repaired.”
“HUH?!/WHAT!?” Both Bataan and I-13 yell in unison. “WHAT HAPPENED?!!”
“My blood Schwester! THAT WAS [A/T: What in german]!”
---
As that was happening, on the shore, Belfast approached Tirpitz.
“Greeting, Lady Tirpitz.” The maid bows.
“Hallo Belfast,” Tirpitz nods. “How is the Kommandant?”
“Master is okay at the moment.” Belfast sighs. “But we don’t know what has happened to him to cause his ailments.”
“Time will tell.” The white queen of the north states.
“Yes, it will.” Belfast nods. “But the Master gave me some orders for you.”
“It is about Eugen and Hipper?” Tirpitz knowingly asked.
“Yes.” The maid looks at the exercise. “Where is Eugen?”
“I know where she is,” Tirpitz begins to walk towards the Iron Pub. “Belfast, could please cover me for the training exercise?”
“Of course.” Belfast bows as Iron Blood battleship strides to the Pub. Entering the faculty, she sees the white-hair heavy cruiser slump on the bar with a half-drunken tankard of beer in her hand.
“Mein gott.” Tirpitz shakes her head. “Prinz Eugen…” She summons her flag and using the butt of the pole, she pokes her side.
“Urgh…” Eugen’s eyes flicker open as she is being probed. “Was?”
“Eugen, you are late for training,” Tirpitz says to her.
“It is vacation time, Tirpitz. Ah mein head.” Eugen moans as the battleship grabs her by the collar and drags her to the training grounds. As they approach, most of the shipgirls at training have gone off to enjoy some time off, leaving only Tirpitz, Eugen, and Belfast. As they approach the water, the pair of shipgirls walk past by Hipper, Bataan, and I-13. Hipper turned her head away, pouting, as Bataan and I-13 shot daggers at the hungover Eugen as they walked away.
“What their deal?” Eugen wonders as Tirpitz leads her to a target dummy.
“Eugen, just fire at the targets.” Tirpitz orders. Eugen nods and summons her rigging. She hits the target easily, even hungover she still is a good shot. As they continued running the course, Eugen could feel the Queen of the North staring at her.
“Tirpitz,” Eugen confronted her. “Something on your mind?”
Tirpitz takes a breath before speaking to her. “Eugen. It has come to my attention that both you and Hipper, had… a disagreement. A terrible one in fact.”
Eugen pouts as she finishes the last target. “Well, that is putting it lightly. I just accidentally broke one of her model planes, that was it.”
“That was it?” The battleship rubs her forehead. “From talking to Hipper, it seems you broke your sister’s patience and love! The teasing, the drinking, even cleaning! Prinz Eugen, please try to make amends with your sister.”
Now this, was making Eugen annoyed. She strides up to the battleship, arms crossed. “First the Kommandant, and now you? If Hipper mad at me, fine. She always has a pole up her ass anyway.”
“Eugen!!” The battleship was astonished by the comment as the heavy cruiser went back to the dock. “I am not done with you!!!”
“Ja. Ja.” Eugen waved it off as she got back on dry land. She then heads back to the Iron Blood dormitory.
Tirpitz returns to the dock, where Belfast awaits her. “Sorry, but Eugen is a…. well, a harlot.”
Belfast nods. “I understand. From what Wales complains about during afternoon tea time, Eugen finds her own way to do her own things.”
“Ja.” Tirpitz takes off her cap and stretches her head. “I wish that Prinz Eugen knew the value of having a sister at her side. Bismarck, even though we didn’t have quality time together before the Initiative, we are regaining it now. I understand the Kommandant does not want Eugen to lose that family connection, but I cannot fix this sister problem.”
“Excuse, but I think I can be of some assistance.” Both the maid and queen of the north turn to see the 206 cm tall (~6ft 9) Iron Matriarch towering before them.
“Miss FdG/Friedrich.” Both of them say as the PR ship smiles.
“I think I know how to get Prinz Eugen to understand the importance of a healthy relationship with her sister.” FdG smiles. “May I?”
“Of course.” Tirpitz nods.
---
The next two days saw Eugen become more… restless. More booze bottles lay on the floor with her bedding tossed around. Loose cloth scatters in the room. Eugen has also run late for patrols, gatherings, and other important stuff. It was a bit frustrating because Hipper would force her in line for important dates… that scene still ran through her head when her older sister had enough of her bullshit. The tears in her eyes when she hit her… Eugen wanted to say sorry; however, her pride and own stubbornness stopped her and her teasing side went into auto-pilot to cope with this drama. Either way, to Eugen, there was nothing to fix this sister relationship.
As she lay in her dirty bed, a knock came at her door. “Ja?” Eugen lifts her head up.
“It is Roon, Eugen.” She hears from behind the door. “FdG, would like you to come to her room.”
“Great, the matriarch has gotten involved now,” Eugen whispered to herself. Knowing her luck, she will probably be disciplined by FdG for her behavior. The wrath of her hairbrush has stuck many Shipgirls bottoms. From the mighty Bismarck to the bombardment messenger Victorious. Even Gangut, those that was an accident because the PR ship thought it was Zeppelin being drunk. Regardless, Eugen knew this day would come. Her uncleanliness, her teasing, her luck simply ran out.
“Eugen?” Roon says from behind the door. “Will you be going to FdG’s room?”
Eugen shakes herself and quickly changes into uniform. Smells a bit funny, but it was better than making the matriarch wait. “Ja.” She opens the door and Roon stands there with a kind smile.
“Alright, follow me please.” Roon escorts her to the room. After a few minutes walking in silence, they arrive. Roon opens the door and ushers her in. Once Eugen was inside, the door closed behind her. Even though Iron Blood shipgirls are trained to show no fear… Eugen could not help but quake being inside the Iron Matriarch's bedroom. The room was grand. A canopy bed made of dark wood, covered in the finest fabrics. The wooden flooring polish. Several instruments hang on the walls. A grand piano sits in her chamber as well! The most prominent piece in FdG’s room was the fireplace. A brick fireplace that FdG personally requested when she made her room in the dorm. Each brick picked and placed by herself. And hanging above it was a painted picture of her sister ships: SMS Kaiser, SMS Kaiserin, SMS König Albert, SMS Prinzregent Luitpol, and herself, before their ‘retirement’.
“Prinz Eugen, my dear child.” Eugen feels a chill down her back as she turns to the fireplace and sees FdG sitting in a rocker, in front of the fireplace, brushing her hair. The Iron Matriarch smiles at her. “Please my dear child, you must be cold. Come! The fire is nice and toasted.” Eugen bits her lower lips as she approaches. “Come my dear child.” FdG pats her lap. The heavy cruiser silently obeys and sits in her lap. She was like a child in their mother’s lap. FdG smiles, pulling her into a small hug. Eugen was trapped within the Matriarch's grasp. No escape now. “Prinz Eugen, my dear child, you do not need to worry. I do not ask you here to punish you.”
Eugen lets out a sigh of relief. “Then why ask for me?”
“I want to tell you a story.” FdG begins to rock the chair as she looks up at the painting of her sisters. “You know about my schwester, Kaiser?”
“Ja, the old leader of the Iron Blood during the first global war before Bismarck.” Eugen nods. “A strong, tactical genius. Her leadership was second to done.”
Ja.” FdG smiles “Even during those trying times, Kaiser was like a mother to us… a strict one but loved us. She would teach us many things during our small time together like music and history. She loved music, always played Symphony No.9 whenever she could. Either by playing it on the violin, horn, or whatever she musters at the time. Back then, I always teased her about her musical taste. I gave her a hard time back then.” Eugen felt the PR ship’s hand on her head. “I was a bit like you back then.”
Eugen raised an eyebrow. “You? The Iron Matriarch was like me? I doubt that.” Must be a joke.
“Oh dear Eugen, I am not joking.” FdG giggled. “I always gave my sisters a hard time. I would tease them, especially Kaiser about her chest size. Always call her a Waschbrett or Kaiser Waschbrett. Every time I called her that, steam would come out of her like a steam whistle.”
The heavy cruiser stifles a laugh as she looks up at the painting of the sisters. They were all lovely ladies, but FdG had a pretty big size bust compared to the rest and Kaiser had a 180-degree plane chest, the smallest out of the bunch.
“So many flat nicknames and so many chases… Kaiser, meine schwester.” FdG continues with tears forming in her eyes. “Even though my teasing and being a hardass, Kaiser loved me. The countless times I complained to her about the littlest things, she always listened with care. When we were about to be ‘retired’, the biggest lie in my life, it was… unpleasant.” Tears streamed down her cheeks as she continued to recall that event. “My sisters accepted fate, but I could not. For days leading up to it, I cried and rocked in bed, skipping meals and just… being miserable. I started to blame myself and my sister for our fate. Only when Kaiser sat me down and said: ‘Friedrich, please, don’t cry. It is not our fault or anyone for the fate we have been given. We have to accept death at some point… and also meine schwester, I am sorry for the many scolding I gave you and forgive you for the many Waschbrett jokes.’ I asked her why forgive me for the names. She said that she does not want to die regretting not forgiving someone who wrongs them. That night showed me that it is better to forgive and apologize to those close to you for the bad you caused them. Kaiser always remarks to Kaiserin about my tormenting name-calling and jokes but forgives me for them to keep our sisterly bond. What I am alluding to Eugen… fix your wrongs with Hipper. I don’t want you to regret not apologizing to her before one of you is gone.”
Eugen silently nods as they both rock. Eugen leaned in closer to FdG, holding her as she had tears now in her eyes. “Friedrich… is it too late to apologize to her?” she asked her. “To apologize to Hipper?”
“Nothing is too late, child,” FdG assured her. “But a simple apology won’t be enough to mend your relationship with her. You must do something that shows you truly mean it.”
“Yeah… I will think about it.” Eugen sniffles as she cuddles more into FdG’s lap.
The Iron Matriarch smiles as she holds. “Take as much time as you need, my child. Take as much time as you need.”
--Late Evening--
Eugen sat on her bed, thinking about how to mend her relationship with her sister. First, she cleaned her room, removing all the empty tankards and pint glasses, empty alcohol bottles, and trash. She washed her dirty clothes and neatly folded them. She replaced the sheets and pillows, everything was organized, but the thought of how to apologize to Hipper.
“How will I do it?” She asked herself as she lays in bed. “How will I?” She scratched her head. “Argh.” She tossed and turned, restless. “How will I-” She stops and looks towards Hipper’s desk, seeing the destroyer B-25 bomber plane model. “She did say she Livestream with Mikasa…”
--The Next Day--
--Command HQ--
--Mikasa’s Model/Streaming Room--
--Before Noon--
“Ahhh…” Mikasa groans as she sets up for her model Livestream. “What am I going to do? Hipper painting the B-25 bomber plane was the main thing for this week's stream. What am I going to do to replace this?”
As she said that, she hears a knock at the door. Mikasa’s Model room was divided into two rooms: the display room with all the model warships and warplanes, and the streaming/construction room, where the model is made and painted and streamed to the internet. Opening the door to the streaming room, she is greeted with Prinz Eugen.
“Hallo, Mikasa.” Eugen smiles as Mikasa returns the greeting.
“Hello, Eugen, what brings you to my model studio?”
Eugen sighs. “Well…”
--Royal Navy Dorm--
Hipper sits at the desk as she plays on a simulation game, controlling and piloting a B-25 bomber. After moving out of her room, Grenville and Glowworm gladly accepted her into their room. Even though they were… hyperactive; Hipper respected them and cared for them as the two kindly looked up to her.
“Hey Hipper,” Glowworm hums as she forcibly tosses herself onto the cruiser’s lap. “Whatcha doing?”
“Ompoh!!” Hipper cough, the air force out of her lungs as Glowworm hits… like a warship. This abruptly caused Hipper to steer the bomber into the ground, ending the simulation.
“Argh,” Hipper sighs as she pats the destroyer on the head. “A warning next time, Glowworm. I swear your head is able to go through a ship’s hull.”
Glowworm giggles. “Sorry, Hipper.”
“It’s fine.” Hipper restarts the game. “I can’t get that mad at you.”
“Ahhhh~” Glowworm smiles as she watches her play.
“HIPPER!!” The cruiser and the destroyer jump, the bomber crashing again, as the door flies open with Grenville, Bataan, and I-13 running in.
“WHAT?!” Hipper yelled, quite annoyed with these interruptions.
“Turn on the stream!” Bataan exclaims. “Turn on the stream!”
Turning off her game, Hipper brings up the stream.
“Hello my fellow model builders!” Mikasa said with a smile in the studio. “We got a special stream for you tonight!”
“Probably going to be building a new ship today.” Hipper thought since she had to pull the B-25 painting for a later date.
“As you know, today was supposed to be Hipper painting her B-25 Mitchell Bomber model plane; however…”
“Let me.”
Hipper’s heart dropped to her toes as the camera shifted to Prinz Eugen, her sister, in the studio.
“HUHHHHHHH!!?!?!?!?!!?!?” Hipper screamed.
--Mikasa Model/Stream Room--
This… was a bit nerve-wracking. That was the thought running through Eugen’s head. Seeing the chat scroll-like torpedoes when she came on air and Mikasa sitting next to her, helping her… it was overwhelming.
“Hallo, everyone.” Eugen waved at the camera. “I am Prinz Eugen. And the younger sister of Hipper.” She saw the chat explode with excitement, some saying she was a beautiful and stunning and what not.
“Yes, we have a special stream for you guys today,” Mikasa says, trying to continue the stream. “Eugen, would you like to say what we will be doing?”
“Ja.” Eugen pulls out the broken B-25 bomber model plane. The chat blew up again and glancing at the scrolling text… some unsavory comments were exchanged.
“Alright alright, chat.” Mikasa used her scolding mother's voice. “Do not say those words on my stream. We are better than this.” That calms down the crowd. “Eugen, could you explain what happened?”
“Ja.” Eugen sighs. “I was a bit… drunk and accidentally knocked on my meine schwester’s desk in our shared room and… this was fallen over and broke. This… broke my sister’s patience with me and some she… left me.” She sighs. “Honestly, I feel bad that I did this to her. Hipper. Through her huhs and puffs, she is a sweet and loving sister. She was there for me when I am drunk, clean my room, get me into meetings and exercises. She is a great sister and I just…” Eugen looks directly at the camera. “Hipper, meine schwester, if you are watching this… I am sorry for everything. From the teasing to acting carelessly. I am sorry, and I hope I can fix your bomber here…” Eugen chokes up.
Mikasa gives the Iron Blood heavy cruiser a small hug. “I am sure your sister is watching.”
“Dankeschön.” Eugen recollects herself. “Now, how do we fix this?”
“Well…”
---
Hipper stares at the screen, red as a tomato, as she did not know what to do. Embarrassed that her sister, Prinz Eugen, talked about her private life or that she publicly apologized on a live stream.
“God meine schwester.” Hipper said with both anger and tears. She jumps off her seat and stomps off towards the studio.
--Several hours later--
“And done!” Mikasa cheers as they finish repairing the B-25 model. Working together, Eugen and Mikasa were able to fix the model bomber plane, using some greenstuff, plastic glue, and other modeling tips. What was once a broken plastic pieces became a complete B-25 Mitchell Bomber 1/32 model!
“Thank you, Mikasa for helping,” Eugen tells the old dreadnought.
“It is nothing.” Mikasa smiles. “Just happy to see this aeroplane model back in one piece.”
“Wonder if Hipper watched the stream?” Eugen wonders. Mikasa glances at the door entrance and points to the studio door. Eugen turns and sees Admiral Hipper, standing there with arms crossed and steaming out of her ears.
“SERIOUSLY EUGEN!?” Hipper screamed. “You seriously had to apologize to me on a live stream for everyone to see!?” Eugen runs up to her and gives her a hug.
“We will be returning shortly.” Mikasa went on break, stopping the capture, allowing the two sisters to have some privacy.
“What are you-” Hipper steamed, but Eugen smiles.
“I am sorry meine schwester. I am so sorry.” Eugen tells her, tears in her eyes. “I am sorry for the teasing and joking and using you as a calendar. I am sorry. I don’t our relationship to be sour and-”
“Eugen.” Hipper stops her, a bit teary eye herself. “Are you going to change your drinking habits, your cleaning habits, and everything else?”
“I will try,” Eugen tells her.
Hipper sighs. “Close enough.” She embraced her. “I forgive you and love you.”
“Thank you, meine schwester.” Eugen hugs her sister hard.
“You better change your habits or else,” Hipper says before they enter the studio again with Mikasa.
“I will try.” Eugen winks, causing her to roll her eyes, but smirk. “Mikasa, start the stream! Time to paint this baby!”
Outside the model room, FdG, Tirpitz, and Wesser watch as the two sisters finally made amends.
“At least they got back together again.” Wesser smiles as Tirpitz pulls her hat off.
“Ja. Everything is back to normal.” The battleship smiles.
FdG laughs. “A lovely scene.”
“YOU ARE DATING WALES AGAIN!!?!!” They all jump as they see Hipper yell at Eugen. “THIS IS YOUR FOURTH TIME!??!”
They all sigh. Wesser and Tirpitz shaking their heads and FdG politely giggling. “Eugen… habit die hard huh?”
--End--

Two-By-Two, Eyes-Of-Blue: Uncovering The Conspiracy And Future Expansions of 2077 - An Analysis of The Conspiracy, Clues, and Theories to the Future

I think we're all aware by now of the conspiracy that's building in the background of 2077. Most of us know about the mysterious Blue Eyes who appears in The Sun ending to the game. He operates as The Stinger of sorts for (that) ending of the game; He and V discuss a job vaguely alluded to through out the ending sequence and then the ending cuts to V in space charging off towards The Crystal Palace. Cue DLC Hook and credits.
But, let's go back here. This is only the tail end of the conspiracy and where it actually intersects with V's story. Blue Eyes (and some connections to him) crop up multiple times through out the game and, when pieced together, start building a larger picture that runs deeper into Night City than the pockets of most corporats.
I've finished my second playthrough of the game and I've been drafting this post as I play and find more clues. I doubt I'll find everything or might completely dismiss some, but I want to be on the front lines of uncovering this mystery, especially if this will be our Gaunter O'Dim for Cyberpunk 2077. I apologize for the length of this post ahead of time, but I need to summarize a bunch of lore and at least 4 major side-quests; "I Fought The Law", "Dream On", "Full Disclosure", and "The Prophet's Song".
Here's a long essay incoming, but I hope you chooms enjoy and I hope you read through to the end because, oh boy, I uncovered some cool shit!
So, who is Blue Eyes? Who are his contacts? What is his role in the ecosystem of this city?
"I FOUGHT THE LAW"
Let's start with where he most appears in the game; Jefferson and Elizabeth Peralez, political family in the running for Night City's first family. Which I kinda have to summarize their questlines, including the first one which Blue Eyes never appears in. But I'd prefer to go in chronological order and not jump around, so stick with me.
Elizabeth first contacts you for the job "I Fought The Law". It's fairly basic, but the quest tells us she convinced her husband to hire V to look into the recent death of Mayor Rhyne. We get a BD of a cyberpsycho attack by Peter Horvath on Mayor Rhyne. Weldon Holt leaves the room before the attack and then the security gate crashes right before Peter walks in with billions of eddies worth of chrome. The attack is unsuccessful and stopped by Detective River Ward, who was only there because Peter went missing internally at the NCPD and he knew where Peter would go.
When investigating Peter Horvath, his previous boss describes him as paranoid that "probably thought Mayor Rhyne talked to him through the TV" and that the world was out to fuck him. She then mentions that someone "finally saw what he was worth" which cues into how Peter was thrown into this attack in the first place; he had a patron who funded his chrome and the attempt on Rhyne's life. Tellingly, River than goes into a little talk about how clues rarely make sense until put into the larger context, much like we're doing right now.
V goes to the club Rhyne died in; The Red Queen's Race. V sneaks through, takes out some Animals, and can investigate what actually happened to Rhyne. If we read the emails on the office terminal, we know that Weldon Holt arranged for Rhyne to be there. He initially mentioned this to Rhyne during the first BD; Rhyne asked Holt directly to arrange his usual room at the club. So, this doesn't inherently look too suspicious on it's own, but Holt knew where Rhyne would be. We also find out via the Animals Boss there that Weldon Holt is the one who hired them to smash up the club and they're currently waiting around for payment. Further, you can go to the room Rhyne died in, find the BD headset, and put it on... which INSTANTLY knocks V out and they need to be rescued by River (who, btw, takes out any Animals on the property you didn't get to! Ty bro!). They surmise that Rhyne was killed by a virus in the headset. Lastly, we find footage of Detective Han (River's partner) covering up the death of Rhyne. They confront Han, V goes off to the Peralezs, and quest ends.
Of note, finding the BD set is a hidden dialogue option with the Peralezes suggesting, yes, that's the correct deduction to make. You don't get that option otherwise. And V never actually comes to any real conclusion to what happened to Rhyne.
So, let's summarize what we know about the death of our Mayor. Peter Horvath was hired by an unknown Patron who spent a ton of money to turn him into a suicide bomb against Rhyne. They have connections internally to the corrupt NCPD which allowed Horvath to get access to Rhyne, both from escaping NCPD custody and for the security to give him access to Rhyne's conference room. That fails so our mastermind instead assassinates Rhyne at his usual sex club, one that we know for sure Holt knew about. Rhyne is assassinated via malware in a BD porno headset, NCPD comes in an Detective Han cleans it up. Later, Holt hires the Animals to take claim to the club and fuck it up.
Holt is looking suspicious AF rn, but we also don't have any direct evidence and V says as much if you accuse him. Personally, I think it's a little too clumsy if it's him. Holt leaves the room just as an assassination attempt goes down, sets up a sex club appointment for the Mayor where he's successfully assassinated, NCPD covers it up... and then he hires a gang to cover it up more? Something doesn't fit here.
My theory is Holt is innocent. He's a scum bag, but not the culprit here. Why would you EVER give your identity to the Animals you hired to cover up an assassination? The big dumb brutes of the underworld? A name they give up with almost no fight? No, I think someone hired them under Holt's name. And I think they hired them because they KNEW the BD Headset was left behind; Han dismissed it entirely as Rhyne dying of a heart attack brought on during sex. They needed that destroyed to cover the final footprints. It's the only piece of evidence that doesn't have Holt or NCPD's name on it and doesn't fit the narrative that both are pushing. If they're covering NCPD or Holt's tracks, why not delete the emails or footage of Han? And if Holt or Han were trying to push this false narrative, why leave the headset right there the first time?
And, while I have no evidence of this assertion, the Animals are only still there because they're waiting for payment to come in... I think our employer never intended to pay them and left them in the path of V, who is likely to shoot them and tie up the loose end for our mysterious entity. Animals destroy the BD set, V shoots the animals, no trace. And, even if he doesn't, Animals will point V to the wrong person.
No, we've got a third party here. But let's continue so we can finally let our lead actor take center stage.
"DREAM ON"
"Dream On" starts when Jefferson calls V and asks them to help in another case. Long and Short; Jefferson woke up in the night and found a man in a mask (or an implant) standing over him. Jefferson shot the man, only for his head to fry and knock him out. Coming to, he's back in bed with no evidence it ever happened. SSI, their private security, insists that there was nothing on the cameras, no evidence, and nothing happened. Elizabeth claims she slept through the whole thing event.
V investigates the apartment, with Elizabeth giving the tour, and finds a lot of evidence. Elizabeth is kinda dismissive at first thinking V won't find much. First small stuff leading into larger reveals. Let's start small and work our way up.
First room Liz takes us to is the campaign room. She talks about running the campaign entirely out of pocket and having to keep most of their supplies at the Penthouse; "It's cheaper that way". You find a picture of their daughter on the wall and Liz explains that she's off at university in Europe while Jefferson is running for office; "It's easier that way" she says. That phrasing again.
EDIT: A redditor in the comments pointed out that the Peralez are being controlled via drugs in their food as part of the tech. They mention they've been eating fast food lately, explaining why Jefferson was lucid enough to catch the agent and shoot him.
V can look at Jefferson's emails (which Liz slightly discourages them, saying there's nothing there) which reveals a bit more about their campaign. There's a video of the iconic commercial and poster of Jefferson pulling out a gun and shooting a bunch of paperwork. In the email, Jefferson HATES this commercial, but his assistant, Lea Patel, insists on it as it will air in television time slots with action-drama series and catch the attention of voters. Further emails have Eric Boucher, Jefferson's Campaign Partner (Manager?), saying Jefferson has been acting unpredictably lately; presumably referencing one of the next emails. Boucher is confused because they fired Lea Patel together, only for her to continue working and sent him a new ad for approval. When emailed, Jefferson is confused about Lea being fired at all and doesn't remember the event ever happening, even telling Boucher to be honest if he has some issue with her. A final email is from SSI Chief of Security, Wallace, discussing Jefferson's intent to hire a merc to look into Rhyne's death ("Dream On") and they suggest Jefferson drop it or have NCPD or themselves look into it. Private Security just... offering to investigate the former mayor's death? Huh... sounds more like they want to squash the issue to me.
We should now talk about the Peralez's campaign. As you explore the apartment, Liz explains that they're running on a corp free campaign; they want to get Night City out of the control of the corps and do so without ever owing any favors to them. She specifically cites "Night Corp, Militech, and Petrochem" as ones they've denied. Militech and Petrochem come up a few times in other quests but Night Corp is relatively obscure. And they choose that corp to be the first one she mentions? Stands out to me. It also isn't lost on me that we're talking about running a campaign out of pocket and refusing corp assistance... while walking on the fancy ass balcony of a penthouse in Charter Hill- North Oak.
Next room, we find Jefferson's office. Elizabeth and Jefferson both graduated with law degrees from Asukaga University in Berkley. V points out it would be extremely expensive for them both, but Elizabeth says that both got full ride scholarships from the Richard Night Foundation, run by Night Corp. To further fucking cement this moment, there's a Richard Night biography shard on the desk. But we'll drop this for now because I want to get to Night Corp a bit later.
The computer on the office desk has some emails on it sent by Elizabeth. One is between her and Judy where she's asking Judy for help on the original "I Fought The Law" quest and Judy is the one who gave her your contact in the first place. Another is from their daughter kinda asserting the same thing earlier; safer for her in Europe so she's not a target on the campaign trail. And here's the interesting one; Boucher emailed Elizabeth asking why Jefferson changed his mind on Lea Patel. Elizabth says Jefferson explained it to her that it "slipped his mind" and "circumstances changed in Lea's favor" and she asks him to drop the whole thing. She's dismissive and gives extremely vague details.
Next room, Bedroom. Elziabeth's gun is on the table. It's the one Jefferson claimed he fired and scanning it tells us that it has been fired recently. We also find the wedding photo of Jefferson and Elizabeth where she fondly talks about having blue roses because she loves them so much... except the photo's roses are red and V says as much. Elizabeth quietly corrects herself that they only had red roses instead and moves on.
In the hall, we find the blood trail and gun shots in the wall; both covered up hastily. Following the trail, we enter a tv room. The Smart Glass isn't working and Elizabeth says it stopped working recently; not like they use it much anyway. Passing a Tech Check lets us try and fix it... only to be quickly blacked out by it so hard Johnny felt it too. V asks Elizabeth about it but she doesn't know what V is talking about despite having been standing right there. We also find a hidden door in the wall. Unlike earlier, Liz is actually confused by the door but demands V try and open it.
Downstairs we have the security room. Liz says that it used to be her place but "Security had to set up somewhere" and that she had to make sacrifices for this campaign; "it wasn't the first nor will it be the last". One computer has a Welcome email from SSI to new recruits. It details that they have access to all areas except Section Zero, which is reserved for Blue or Black agents and that, should the encounter a Blue or Black Agent (SPECIFICALLY "in the night"), do not interact or acknowledge them. The next email from Wallace mentions an accident where there was a "behavioral anomaly" and "ALPHA" injured a Blue Agent (BLUE-66M) who is in critical and the SSI head is requesting access to Sector Zero to give medical aid. SSI gives Wallace the code to Sector Zero and sends a team to aid. SSI knew about the accident and lied. You go to the second computer, unlock it, and can unlock the upstairs door. On that terminal is a bunch of deleted files (presumably the security footage from that night) and emails discussing "normal maintenance procedure" and further informing security that ALPHA (Jefferson) hired a merc (V) and, should security encounter them, do not interact with them.
Small thing I found interesting, a shard called "You Are What You Slot" is found down here too. It details a fictional assassin who kills and then steals the identity of her victims. Small and doesn't mean much on it's own, but the shards are hinting at the story here; one of false identities and manipulation.
Now, let's get to the main event; the secret room. Inside is a control center. Elizabeth is horrified and feels violated. She shouts that she's not letting SSI anywhere near them, only for her head to start hurting and she tells V to do what he needs to do. She leaves him. Inside the control room is a box of bloody medical supplies. The computer discusses "behavioral norms" for ALPHA (Jefferson) and suggests amplifying "neural dampening". It discusses things similar to Wallace's terminal, but from the other side; ALPHA is displaying odd behavior by hiring a merc, the SSI teams avoided meeting the merc, and then the actual accident that occurred injuring BLUE-66M during regular 'maintenance'. The other side of the room also has another data shard, "Rewriting Synaptic Pathways", basically talking about using tech to rewire the brain a bit.
Following some wires from the control room to the roof, we find a signal dish. Johnny (replacing Elizabeth for conversation now that she's gone), joins in that the tech looks prehistoric but functional and that Militech used it in the war; it requires line of sight to transmit data but otherwise can't be intercepted. We can see the tower and go to investigate. V tells Liz the whole deal; V can suggest that the Van near the tower could be SSIs or that it might not be due to unconventional tech. Liz then itterates twice that it's a stressful campaign time for Jefferson and V should talk to her, NOT him. "Sure, whatever" V and the player dismiss.
(I SWEAR WE'RE ALMOST DONE WITH THE SUMMARIZING FOR DREAM ON, I'M SO SORRY.)
We drive after the van, Johnny is suddenly excited for smashing a corpo conspiracy and iterates that citizens do not choose their representatives, instead they're chosen by "key players" who watch the Peralezes for weaknesses or blackmail material. We arrive at the facility patrolled by Maelstrom and the occupants of our van park, get out, and climb ladders to the roof where they get into an AV that is cloaked to be near invisible (as shown in a couple of vids on YouTube and this subreddit).
At the place, Maelstom is explained; "UNKNOWN USER" contacted them while driving the van for protection to take care of V and then destroy the van. Van's data makes it pretty clear; the Peralezs' minds are being manipulated, new neural pathways are being created, and their memories are being created, changed, or erased. There are also a couple of other names of other test subjects. The data is then erased. We do see an almost flower like symbol before the data is destroyed.
The agents on the cloaked AV CAN be killed and do drop a shard, thought it doesn’t have many more details, merely that they’re contacting HQ to arrange extraction and that the Van’s data should be destroyed and echoing the arrangement with Maelstrom mentioned earlier in their shards.
V calls Liz, Liz wants to meet in person instead of over holo and send him to a Japantown Raman shop (same one that used to be Rainbow Cadenza, coincidentally). Odd choice for an upstanding congresswoman. She says her nerves are shot, the ramen shop is a quieter place to meet than the apartment, and she needs a moment to gather herself since she last saw V, with V even asking if something has happened since they last saw each other. Of note, Liz is stress smoking the entire scene, something she hasn't done until now. She then explains, no, it's been over a longer period of time. She's been watching her husband change and act differently for awhile; he stopped reading, his taste changed, and he even insisted he was an only child and never had a bother when Liz asks about visiting the grave. Of note, yes, Antonio Peralez has a Columbarium Vault, which proves Liz is correct on this. She confesses that she herself has been told by others she's been acting strangely. V says she knew what V would find and she asserts that she doesn't know the who, how, or why, but "they're changing us". Jefferson apparently went on in great detail about a trip she swears they never went on, but she doesn't know if the vacation is a fake memory or if she's the one that doesn't remember.
She saw a stranger in their apartment tinkering with a monitor, only for him to be missing when it was reported to SSI and they looked at the feeds. The next day, she got a phone call from a stranger (whom she refers to by "he") saying that she's walking on thin ice and Jefferson could have an accident. They later erased all data that the phone call had happened. Elizabeth claims she's terrified for herself and her husband's safety and doesn't want V to reveal the truth. V points out "they" could be telling her to say that but it doesn't really change how she feels since she just wants Jefferson to be safe. She tells V to tell Jefferson it was SSI spying for Holt. She asserts she wants SSI out of her roof if they're spying on their sleep. She will take responsibility for firing SSI, but wants Jefferson to be safe and out of that fight. She adds a meeting with Jefferson to his calendar at Reconciliation Park. But, ultimately it's V's choice (especially since she has no idea if she'll remember the conversation) and leaves. Johnny jumps and and talks and mentions that there were talks like this back in his day and worrying about the damage a puppet mayor could do.
V heads to Reconciliation Park to meet with Jefferson. Entering, V is called by an Unknown Number which blacks out V's optics. They claim to know who V is, *what* V is, and what V wants. It doesn't matter what V tells Jefferson, but "don't dare cross that line" and "you're playing with fire". Its a garbled male robo voice, so safe to say it's irrelevant to the owner.
Enter Stage Right, our missing lead; Mr. Blue Eyes. He is standing on a balcony watching the place where we meet Jefferson. In the Scanner, he is labeled "Mr. Blue Eyes", has no known affiliation, is wanted for "SC 370", and is wanted for "Classified". His eyes are electronically glowing blue you can even see from several yards away. You cannot injure him as grenades do nothing and you can't aim at him. Of small note, and I don't know if this ACTUALLY means anything, but his hair style asset is referred to as Morgan Blackhand in the files, but could mean nothing if this hair is actually used by other NPCs. MOST LIKELY THIS IS NOTHING UNLESS SOMEONE HAS FURTHER INFO.
(Plot twist: It meant something. But we'll get there.)
V sits with Jefferson and can reveal the truth; "SSI is on the take from an unknown group to control your lives". V can even point out the absurdity of Peralez being as successful of a politician as he is without any corp sponsors. "They want you to be *their* mayor. Molding you like clay". You can tell Jefferson how to proceed and additional details, but it doesn't matter. Later, Jefferson will send a text and delete your number and so will Elizabeth, who will call you out for telling Jeff. In the end credits voicemails, Jefferson has decended into paranoia about some vitamins Liz gave him which he didn't trust so he sent them to the lab, only to then not trust the lab results saying they're fine. Jefferson Peralez is confirmed the new mayor during Late Act 2 and the major difference is his state of mind at the end game; either hiring V to be on his security staff or descending into absolute paranoia over everything in his life.
Lastly, Johnny appears and cryptically talks about back in his day when they'd talk about rogue AIs. Personally... I kinda completely dismiss this? It comes out of nowhere, Johnny cites NOTHING for why he'd bring this up in relation to the case, and I can't fathom a motive. I’d also point out that this isn’t the only time Johnny is outright wrong. In fact, he’s wrong A LOT in the game. For example, he criticizes V for listening to the Netwatch Agent and that he’s bullshitting you. Except, the agent is 100% correct that VDB did spike V as a suicide virus and Johnny is actually wrong. He also claims he doesn’t know what happened with Thompson after Never Fade Away, but this is a lie because Thompson is flying the AV Johnny takes to Arasaka in 2023. The only connection I can find is "Who is controlling Blue-Eyes" which might make Johnny correct, if just not in the way 'Rogue AIs' initially implies.
So, what actually has happened?
The Peralez family has been molded for a very long time into being the perfect political couple. They got scholarships from the Night Foundation for two fancy law degrees, have successful political careers, and Jefferson is running for Mayor on an anti-corp platform, an insanity for Night City. And he's actually successful at it. During a maintenance service at night on the Peralez's apartment, Jefferson woke up and shot an SSI/Unknown agent making repairs. The Control Booth knocked Jefferson out and they pulled the agent out of the apartment into the secret room. SSI put the Peralezes back into bed and hastily cleaned up everything, but the damage was done and Peralez hired V who uncovered mostly everything.
Elizabeth seems to be initially very upset by the discovery, but wants V off the trail when we meet her next. However, she's not in on it as she's equally a victim to the brainwashing/gaslighting and that's for certain. I think she's a pawn who is either too scared or too programmed to break the rules of movement on this chessboard. It's worth noting that, while the unknown entity threatens Jefferson's life and V's well being, they do not make due on either of these threats. I call their bluff. They have put too much work into Jefferson to abandon or kill him.
But, where else have we heard of this gaslighting brainwash process before?
"FULL DISCLOSURE"
Ok, we're on the shorter end so I don't have to actually explain this quest in full. Sandra Dorsett is a netrunner and a very skilled on at that, actually collecting data from Night Corp. She was kidnapped by the savs we rescued her from at the beginning of the game shortly AFTER she stole this data, suggesting Night Corp was behind it. This data is on the shard she asks you to collect during the aforementioned quest. V has full ability to NOT read it, but let's look at it; "Operation Carpe Noctem" ("Seize The Night" in Latin)
Described in it is an experiment on Night Corp's own employees where they are quietly brainwashing them and getting them to do whatever they want. They specifically cite an empathetic and calm employee who they got to fight a co-worker and then jump from a 16th floor window. The shard ends on mentioning that they're ready to install CN-07 on "our actual target".
I think multiple quests discussing brainwashing and gaslighting is too coincidental to be utterly unrelated to each other. I think Night Corp's actual target mentioned here is Peralez.
So, what is Night Corp?
Night Corp is the most mysterious of the corps in Night City. It currently operates to better Night City via philanthropic ventures, fundraising, community support, and city infrastructure. Basically, while Militech and Arasaka and the others operate in the city, Night Corp basically RUNS the actual city. They're also noteworthy for the level of security they have that even the best netrunners can't get much from them and, since they keep to themselves and seemingly just do city infrastructure stuff, no one really super bothers them. It has been run by Miriam Night, wife of late-Richard Night, until recently and we currently don’t actually know who runs NightCorp.
Originally, they were the Night Foundation, but that requires explaining Richard Night... oh boy, Lore Drop. I'll make it quick as possible.
Richard Night is the founder of Night City. He started as a partner of a firm, but his ambitions grew beyond that to founding "Night International" to build his dream; a city that would be so grand it would make all other cities pale by comparison, Coronado City. A capitalist mecha of opportunity, Night City would be run by corporations and have next to no anti-business policies on the books. Arasaka, EMB, and Petrochem were his first backers and he came into claim of land on the central-California coast; Del Coronado Bay and Morro Bay would be the location of his dream city.
(BTW, irl, Morro Bay, California is a real place. Been there, have family there, go there regularly, kinda cool!).
Despite being a capitalist mecca city and run by corps, Richard Night also dreamed it to be "A sprawling metropolis, free of crime, of poverty, of debt. A place where people could live safely, peacefully, without having to worry about the dire situations that were growing around the world at the time".
However, due to the design plans, Night didn't employ local contractors and instead got expensive architects and builders from all over the world. Local builders didn't like that, they had mob connections, bloodshed started. And soon Richard Night was murdered by an unknown assassin, presumably a mob hitman. The city was renamed Night City in his honor and his dream utopia became to embody everything that was destroying the world. Mob took control and corps didn't give a fuck since it didn't hurt them any until they eventually had to take out the mob gangs, but not in any favor to Night’s dream either.
Miriam Night, Richard's Widow, founded the Night Foundation (later Night Corp) to stick to Richard's Ideal dreams of what he wanted the city to be. They invest heavily in ecological research, alt power sources, civic infrastructure, public works, and charities and scholarships for Night City youth. "They've even managed to stay out of the normal corporate power struggles which tend to plague every other corporation, both inside the city and out. Even the shadowy corporate rumors about them, like having underwater bases in the bay or access to orbital satellites, remain unsubstantiated despite extensive investigation."
So, where does this put us now? We have ONE last quest...
"THE PROPHET'S SONG"
Garry The Prophet is our local crazy man. He spouts off insanities to anyone who will listen near Misty's Esoterica in Kabuki. However, some of his ideas aren't quite as much off the mark as one might think. There ain't no technonecromancers from Alpha Centuri (or Spanish Inquisition) nor is Saburo Arasaka an immortal vampire, but he was correct that Saburo wasn't dead and in fact immortal; via Mikoshi and The Relic.
He send you on a quest to investigate a meeting; he says that his ripper mistuned some cyberware in his head and he can hear their communications. You show up to a meeting between corps and Maelstrom. They say some nonsense phrases and transfer a data shard. Reading it ("Destroy After Reading") it seems like nonsense. But does include the line "The cages of men melt as night descends". You can decode it via a Null Cipher; first letter of every line: “Project Oracle Command Execute Plans”.
We don’t know what Project Oracle is. In real life, secret project or operation names actually tend to be chosen at random and are unrelated to the actual project (you can google funny stories about names that ended up awkward to the actual project), so this could mean nothing. But, narratives tend to give meaning to everything. Oracles are mythical in references and could predict the future or see the unseen. Perhaps perfect prediction via behind the scenes manipulations? Not sure we’ll get answers on this one for now.
Going back to Garry, he's been kidnapped. His protoge is screaming he's been kidnapped "Black suits came by - blue eyes and all". Blue Eyes huh? Further, she claims that they threw him into an invisible AV... Huh, like the one we saw back during "Dream On"? "Night's comin... The eternal night"
So, it’s time to jump us to the final step in our Fool’s Journey: The Sun.
“THE SUN”
The Sun ending has V wake up in their new penthouse apartment (with their love interest if they have one). Checking the computer, we see emails from our dear Mr. Blue Eyes. He wants an answer from V as to the job to the Crystal Palace he has planned and that they’re on a tight schedule for “obvious reasons”. We meet with him at the Afterlife and he talks about the job; Casino security is going into maintenance and V mentions giving him the casino client list. V also asks him to “hold up your end of the bargain”. They never discuss eddies or payment. It’s all in such vague terms. “Your end” or “Obvious reasons”. Smaller point but an email from Vik on the space shuttle also tells us that he’s asked around about Blue Eyes and has nothing; either he works with people WAY above Vik’s paygrade or he’s shady as hell… or both.
I think Blue Eyes knows V is dying (the obvious reasons) and I think the unspecified payment is V’s survival. V always says that they want to come back to their love interest so it’s not a mindless suicide run and I don’t think V would risk it all for nothing but eddies; especially not after Reaper (both versions) paint suicide runs as a horrible terrible thing. To then glorify it in another ending… no, the game is smarter than that.
Your love interest doesn’t seem to be too upset about the situation either. Panam and Judy leave V in The Sun due to their lives taking different directions, but it seems mostly amicable and understanding. They even express desire to see V again because they know V needs to do this job. Kerry, who stays with V in The Sun and expresses worry and also a desire to settle down with V, also seems mostly understanding that V needs to go on this quest. I don’t think they’d be so calm and loving and understanding if this were a suicide run. They know more than the player does.
Further, I think Blue Eyes isn’t after the casino aspect of the Crystal Palace at all. While that’s the major commercial aspect of the station as marketed to the citizen world, the station also has embassies from every nation on earth, facilities from all the major corporations, and is pretty much THE place where all the dark corporate espionage goes down. There’s so much more to this location than ‘casino resort’. *EVERY* corp has space stations and hideaways in space because the Crystal Palace offers it’s own legalities and opportunities that are not allowed within Earth’s terms and conditions. If they want to do some research that would be frowned upon elsewhere and get up to some Top Secret shit, it’ll be in outer space. Night City is controlled by corps and has lax laws, but outer space’s are even more so.
I think the cure V wants is not only on the station, I think it’s what Blue Eyes himself is after, but I’ll get there when it’s time to theory craft about the future.
I think it’s worth noting; Blue Eyes IS IN THE TRAILER FOR THE GAME. Yeah, anyone remember that shot on a shuttle with a guy being burned out from the inside? Yeah, he’s there. In the foreground. *Smirking*. The shuttle also seems like they’re in space.
These events leading to the Crystal Palace and the conspiracy with Blue Eyes are blatant DLC Hooks for the future and suggest a post-game DLC. This isn’t the first CDPR has done so either; Blood and Wine takes place after the story of Witcher 3 and is explicitly incompatible with the worst endings of that game. I think, conceivably, other endings where V is still alive could be roped into this adventure; Blue Eyes merely needs to hire them with the same offer of survival. While The Star takes V to Arizona and away from Night City, I think that choice of location is appropriate as, to even get to space for The Crystal Palace, citizens go from LAX to Arizona for a space port to launch them off Earth’s surface. They could have chosen anywhere else to send Panam and V, but they choose Arizona, huh. I do think Reaper, Temperance, and Devil will be locked out of this future, however, as all make any point of Blue Eyes hiring V irrelevant; there’s no V left to hire/save. MAYBE a rejected Devil ending, but I wouldn’t blame them for not continuing that conclusion either as Devil is one of the bad endings.
So, it’s finally time to really compile a lot of this information into where I think this is going in the next comment below

2020 Ultimate Ultimate Rate (The Weeknd/Dua/Gaga/Taylor)

Hello to all of the capitalists, cocaine connoisseurs, ethnonationalists, and Oreo fans joining us today. Today we begin one of the biggest, most controversial, and most sonically diverse rates popheads has ever taken on. Notably, popheads voted to include a man amongst a sea of white pop girls, and also folklore is here.
Last year, as many have noted, was perhaps not the world’s best. However, what stayed good from January 1st until December 31st was the pop music (except for Justin Bieber’s Changes, but we can ignore that for now). Floods of beloved comebacks, surprise releases, and out-of-nowhere rises to acclaim pervaded the year, and made everything that much more bearable for us. Many of these albums were intended for the dance floor, but every one of them has provided a great sense of escapism during a year where most people needed exactly that. Dua Lipa, Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift, and The Weeknd all released year defining, career reinvigorating albums that captivated the general public and pop fans alike. So my cohosts (the brilliant u/ignitethephoenix and u/hikkaru) and I want to invite you to celebrate them all in one place, and stage a friendly, not at all bloody competition to see which artist and what song comes out on top.
If you’re as fucking illiterate as I am and you’ve done a few of these rates already, you can start rating right here:
Spotify & Apple Music playlists
Pastebin Ballot
Submission Link

The Weeknd - After Hours

Spotify | Apple Music | Other
Released at the cusp of everything shutting down in North America in March (remember when things actually shut down to prevent COVID from spreading...fun times), After Hours is the fourth studio album and seventh project released by Abel Tesfaye, also known by his stage name The Weeknd. After Hours is a synth pop, new wave and r&b inspired record featuring the Weeknd’s signature writing style of themes such as turbulent relationships, loneliness, indulgence and self loathing. It blends what OG Weeknd fans love about him; the moody, somewhat toxic and dark lyrics with songs and elements that brought him newer fans; grand pop music with catchy melodies and soaring vocals. After Hours, although it contains grand radio friendly singles such as the #1 smash hit “Blinding Lights”, “In Your Eyes” and ~~future number one hit~~ “Save Your Tears”, this album very much follows a narrative from beginning to end. The Weeknd grapples with a lost relationship and how he in fact was probably the reason why it didn’t work out, as painful as it is to come to terms with. He copes and tries to distract himself, and yet he still can’t let his love go and wishes it could still work out. But eventually comes to realize that she is gone for good and he is alone again.
After Hours received many positive reviews when it came out, with many critics praising how it was his most fully realized project and consistent project yet. It also was a commercial success, debuting at number one on the Billboard Hot 100 with 444,000 units sold, 10 songs charting within the top 40 of billboard at it debut and being the 4th best selling album of 2020 in the USA. And yet the album, as well as Blinding Lights, were controversially snubbed from the Grammys awards in 2021, which led to a lot of outrage from the internet and as well as the music community. Nonetheless, the Weeknd continued to push forward and embraced the success of this era through his multiple psychedelic and classic movie inspired music videos and also booking the largest music gig of the year with the Super Bowl LV HalfTime Show. - u/ignitethephoenix

Dua Lipa - Future Nostalgia

Spotify | Apple Music | Tidal
In 2019, Dua Lipa was a joke among pop music fans. Many liked a few of her songs, but because of her live performances and because of her perceived lack of a visual or sonic identity, she became a punching bag for stans of all kinds. She had immense pressure on her from fans and the music industry to overcome the sophomore slump, so she did the only thing she could do.
She did a full 180.
From the moment she dropped the first single, it became clear that this was not going to be another collection of disparate tracks like her debut: this was a true era. That only intensified as more singles were released and she began to perform them live. Even though the era had a bit of a damper on it towards the end due to the growing COVID-19 pandemic, ~~Dua’s maskless antics~~, and the album leaking, Future Nostalgia still became one of the most critically acclaimed, commercially successful, and intensely stanned pop albums of the year. The album was exactly as streamlined, cohesive, and full of bops as everything had indicated. It yielded great success for Lipa as well: it debuted in the top 5 in both the US and UK, eventually hitting #1 in England, and yielded multiple top 10 singles around the world. It also established Dua Lipa as an undeniable pop force to be reckoned with, even outside of Europe.

Lady Gaga - Chromatica

Spotify | Apple Music | Other
While Lady Gaga began her career with gay-approved electronic dancefloor bangers, she eventually decided to change it up and show off how versatile she really is. She teamed up with legend Tony Bennett for a jazz album in 2014, put on her pink cowboy hat in 2016, and delved into acting in 2018, but eventually she had no choice but to go back to her roots and return to the dancefloor after much begging and hoping from her fanbase. Enter the world of Chromatica, which was introduced with the leak release of Stupid Love, a triumphant electropop track produced by Bloodpop, who would go on to aid in the production of the entire album alongside acclaimed producers such as Madeon, Skrillex, Axwell, and Tchami, among others. As a whole, Chromatica dabbles into strong house influences, which compliment the lyrical theme of "dancing away the pain". Such theme is expressed clearly in the Ariana Grande collaboration Rain on Me, which earned Gaga yet another #1 hit - Ariana is joined by icon Elton John and trailblazing K-Pop group BLACKPINK in the album's vocal collaborations. Chromatica debuted on the Billboard 200 at #1, but unfortunately the album's promotional cycle was heavily impacted by world events and initially saw a delay in release date due to COVID-19. However, Gaga thankfully came through despite all that was against the album's success and Chromatica Oreos are now available at your local supermarket! - u/hikkaru

NOTE: We have decided to include Target Exclusive Deluxe track Love Me Right. This song is not on streaming services, but we have provided a link to it here.

Taylor Swift - folklore

Spotify | Apple Music | Other
Taylor Swift shocked the world when, with no lead up whatsoever, she announced that she would be releasing her eighth studio album in 16 hours, a mere eleven months after her album Lover had released. The only album in this rate written and recorded during the COVID-19 pandemic, folklore marked the first time where Swift lyrically downplayed her personal life in favor of fictional stories and imagined scenarios (in addition to a few distinctly personal songs). Instead of worrying about the pop trends, she went for a drastically different, indie-folk inspired sound, collaborating primarily with Aaron Dessner of The National, in addition to Jack Antonoff, Bon Iver, and William Bowry (aka her boyfriend Joe Alwyn, in his debut as a songwriter). This album marked the first time that Swift completely bucked all expectations, and as a result, it was heralded as her best album yet, one of the best albums of the year by many publications, and an album that was genuinely reflective of the time period it was made. The album and its lead single, “Cardigan”, peaked at #1 on their respective Billboard charts, and folklore eventually became one of the best selling albums of the year.

Bonus rate

All of these artists are extraordinarily prolific, and as a result, we’ve created an optional bonus rate to highlight a few loose songs from each of them. Ranging from loose singles, remixes, collaborations, certain “sellout tracks” that were actually bops, and whatever the fuck Macavity is, each of these songs provides more of a look into these artist’s recent output.
In Your Eyes (with Doja Cat) - Remix (Animated Video)
Blinding Lights (with Rosalía) - Remix
Hawai (with Maluma) - Remix (Music Video)
Over Now (with Calvin Harris) (Music Video)
cardigan (cabin in candlelight version)
betty (Live from the 2020 Academy of Country Music Awards)
Macavity (scene from the film because lol)
Love Story (Disco Line Remix)
The Cure
Heal Me
Why Did You Do That?
Hair Body Face
Levitating (feat. DaBaby) (Music Video)
Un Dia (with J Balvin, Tainy, & Bad Bunny) (Music Video)
Levitating (feat. Madonna and Missy Elliott) [The Blessed Madonna Remix] (Music Video)
Love is Religion (The Blessed Madonna Remix)
Reminders and Notes: You do not have to do this rate!!! This is completely optional, but it is way more fun if you do participate. But since this is not part of the main rate, you cannot give your 11 or your 0 to any of these songs. Save those for the main rate. Your favorite artist is going to need that extra point. Additionally, we have decided to include the Love Story Disco Line Remix, aka “that tiktok version of Love Story”. This remix is not on streaming services, but we have provided a YouTube link to the song.

Rules

Many people are already familiar with these rules, but since there may be some brand new raters, people who haven’t done rates in a while, and/or people who need a refresher, here they are, lightly plagiarized for your enjoyment:

You have to listen to and rate every song. We will not accept any ballots with missing scores
You have to give each song a score between 1 and 10. You are allowed to give up to one decimal place for each song (for example: a 7.5 will be accepted, as will a 5.7, but not a 6.67 or 3.1415926535897932384). If you use decimals, please use a period/dot ( . ) and not a comma ( , ).
You may give one song in the rate an 11, and one song a 0. This should be reserved for your favorite and least favorite in the rate, to give it an extra boost in scoring. You do not have to, but again, it makes things more fun. NOTE: You only get one 11 and one 0 in the entire rate, NOT one 11 and one 0 per album. You cannot give any other scores above a 10 or below a 0.
Your scores should not be considered confidential. We will share them with your username attached to them, and if your score sucks, we very well might publicly shame you for it (all in good fun). This is just to say: keeping your scores secret will not save you from my wrath.
Use the prepared link/ballot HERE to send in your scores. If that link fails you for any reason, feel free to just privately message me (aka u/akanewasright) using the ballot format in THIS pastebin link
If you want to change your scores for nearly any reason whatsoever, feel free to privately message me (once again, my username is u/akanewasright) and I will do so.
If you want to spice things up, you can add a comment next to your score. If you wish to do so, please use the following format:

Scared To Live: 10 I personally hate being alive, so I can relate

Anything variation from that format will not be accepted. Here are a few examples of what not to do:

Pretty Please: 0: Pretty please turn this song off
betty: OMG my lesbian queen deserves an 11
Replay: (4) Iyaz outsold

Comments are not required at all, but they are highly encouraged and will make the eventual reveal much more fun.
If you want to give an overall comment to the album, you can, using this format:

Album: Chromatica: Why yes, I am a home of sexual, why do you ask?

Do not attempt to sabotage the rate scores. The hosts WILL NOT accept your scores if we have any suspicion that you are trying to mess with an artist’s or song’s scores. What we will do is privately make fun of you for trying to pull that shit. So please don't.

(The bolded words are reflective of common mistakes among first time raters. I'm not trying to be passive aggressive. That'll come after I get your scores)
Thank you so much for reading (for those of you who read any of that shit, I mean), and happy rating!

Once again, here's the link to send in scores

Emergency Pastebin ballot

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Winter clean out. Everything is free and only for pick up

[Transcripts] Disparity- Chapter 9: Looking Back

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Xant stared at the grey canopy above them, but it was not his focus.
One of the many new abilities his expanded nervous system granted him was the option to process multiple things at once. He could feel the sleek, tight fabric of the ‘sun lounge’, the heat and scent of the human next to him, and the curious sensation of his own breathing motions.
Feeling the air passing through his nostrils and the filling of his lungs, Xant realized he had not been consciously aware of these functions prior to joining with the human, but she was apparently conscious of them at all times.
Jasmine had asked him to take a moment to ‘recoup’ after their dizzying tour of the super yacht, the height of human luxury, and he was all too co-operative. Any researcher could spend their entire lifespan studying the vessel, be it citizen, corporate or military, and would have found something of worth. Jasmine could become rich off the fabric and wood the ship held alone.
More and more variables kept getting thrown their way. It would be almost impossible to calculate everything until the human’s citizenry status was decided upon, but there was a small part of him that was happy.
As long as there were questions to be asked or answered, he would be able to stay by her side, especially now that both a Lieutenant Commander and an Engine Lord recognised him as part of her entourage, human and Arvas cultures notwithstanding.
The doctor’s ears flicked up as he heard the oncoming footsteps of a much larger being.
“What is it?” Jasmine asked, still staring up at the hangar’s immense ceiling.
“I believe the captain may be approaching,” Xant replied. Jasmine audibly grinned and sat up immediately.
“Rynny!!” she shouted, running over to the safety railing to see him, waving with all the grace of a drunk worm. “Up here!!”
The captain was sniffing around the Pajero. He stood a clear head and shoulders above the thing, but was very surprised when he saw the small creature aboard the much taller yacht.
“Now how’d ya manage to get up there without zero G?!” he laughed, impressed.
“Like this!” Jasmine swung herself over the edge and slid down the short ladder, landing on top of the car with very little effort.
“Huh.” Rynard folded his arms. “Nimble little thing aren’t ya?”
“Only when I have to be. Come on up! There is sooo much I gotta show ya!” she insisted, climbing back down into the Pajero to retrieve her things.
Rynard eyeballed the side of the yacht, specifically the tiny ladder the human had used in her descent.
“That doesn’t look like it would hold me--”
“Jeez, you too, Rynard?” Jasmine laughed, throwing bags out the car window. “Give me a sec and I’ll show you how to get up.” Four different bags of different sizes were lying at Rynard’s feet. “Could you throw them up on deck first though?”
Rynard scooped up all four in one hand and tossed them up onto the yacht.
“Thanks! And here.” Jasmine scrambled up atop the Pajero, then easily jumped across to the yacht’s ladder and tapped the edge of the deck.
“Just pull yourself up from there. If you try to jump up in your suit you’ll break the whole thing. Be careful!” she laughed.
Rynard scratched his chin. Delicate work was not his M.O., but he could reach the edge well enough. He hopped out of his mobile armour and made the climb up.
The ‘ship’ wasn’t quite what he was expecting. The deck was a deep rich brown and made a nice timbre sound as he walked over, careful so his claws didn’t scratch the surface.
Jasmine was happily dragging the four bags over to the seats where Xant was waiting for them. She plonked them down and then eagerly scrounged through a pretty yellow one, grabbing out some clothes and tucking them under her arm.
“I’m going to go and get changed. Xant, why don’t you bring the captain up to speed!” She beamed, just about skipping down the lower decks for some privacy.
Rynard looked down at the doctor, who was still lying flat on his back on the sun bed.
“So, the entire engineering crew can feel the ‘jovial’ nature of Her Grace,” Rynard remarked. “I was coming over to check you weren’t dead,”
“Dead? No. Exhausted? Absolutely,” the doctor replied.
“So, uhh, what is this?”
“A monument to excess,” Xant answered, sitting up. “I’d be surprised if anyone other than a minior queen held onto such luxury. There’s just so many things…”
Xant saw the captain was uncomfortably out of his depth.
“Anything on board I need to be worried about?” Rynard deflected.
“Jasmine mentioned there might be glucose and caffeine. I’ll do my best to contain it,” Xant assured him.
Rynard shifted uneasily.
“Take care of the caffeine first, make sure it’s contained before the lieutenant arrives.” he ordered.
Xant nodded. Rynard peeked curiously into the smaller cabins.
“Any weapons the engineers might have missed?”
“There was some industrial-grade cleaning fluid and perfume...” Xant joked. “But no, this is a citizen’s vessel, no weapons aboard.”
“That’s good.” Rynard relaxed a little and started looking for a place to sit down, but it didn’t seem anything human was made to accommodate someone of his size. “So this is for citizens huh? All a bit flash, really.”
“You don’t know the half of it.” Xant shook his head. “We barely scratched the surface. You should see what they sleep on, the craftsmanship and the detail is astounding.”
“So, a lotta sparkles and no substance? Nothing I can sink my teeth into?”
“No, Jasmine didn’t indicate anything of military use at all--” Xant’s ears flicked up as he felt Jasmine returning.
“Drinks are on me, boys!!!” she laughed, coming up on deck, carrying with her more of the dreadful ‘whisky’ and another mysterious bottle under her arm. The human was no longer wearing the dull grey armour but instead strange tailored clothes in bright colours with flamboyant patterns, shorts that barely covered her legs and a long lacy robe that was clearly more for show than actual function.
“So, what do you think of my new threads?” she asked, twirling around and lifting up the sunglasses to sit on her head.
Both aliens stood there stunned for a moment, but Jasmine just pressed on, offering them both more glasses.
“I think I would be fine without a drink, thank you, Jasmine.”
“Ah, don’t worry, Xant.” The human smiled, plonking herself back onto the sun bed. “I’m not going to make you drink any more whisky, I found some tonic water that had rolled under a chair, it should be safe for you both!”
“Should be?”
“It’s water, H2O, with some minor natural minerals, and there isn’t even a hint of sugar anywhere, in case you were wondering.” She held the bottle away from her body and winced as she cracked open the white lid. The clear water inside came alive with tiny bubbles.
“Ooh! It’s still carbonated. Nice!”
She poured the two glasses and then filled her own with some more whisky.
“Cheers!~”
She took another swig and the aliens copied her motions. The ‘water’ wasn’t unpleasant, the carbonated bubbles tickling Xant’s tongue. Rynard had thrown the entirety of his drink down his throat, barely wetting his lips, once again disappointed in the quantity provided.
“Now then.” Jasmine produced from her back pocket a small black dataslate that fit perfectly in the palm of her hand. “Do you guys want to see what I looked like before the brainballs picked me up?”
It was a rhetorical question of course. Xant undoubtedly wanted to see more human stuff, and Jasmine was going to show him regardless of his answer. The phone booted up with a bright animation of her service provider, then settled on a background picture of a sandy beach. White sand, blue skies and a deep blue ocean stretched as far as the eye could see. It made a nice contrast with the colourful app buttons.
Jasmine tapped into her library and brought up a selfie.
“There we go, look how long my hair was!”
There wasn’t a staggering difference between the photos, Xant noted, but Jasmine’s mane was indeed much longer, the brown hair sat neatly above her shoulders, held back by the sunglasses in the photo. But there was something in the photo that was different.
“Why is that tooth not in line with the rest?”
“Because it’s a stupid tooth,” Jasmine replied, “and not worth the two grand it would cost to fix it.” She shrugged and pressed her finger to the offending tooth. “It’s always been this--” she ran her finger over her teeth, but she couldn’t find the bump where her incisor stuck out. “Huh. That’s a little weird, did you fix it for me when I was under?”
“I didn’t know it was possible to do such a thing.”
There was an uncomfortable pause.
“Stasis pods often have restorative chems, perhaps that could affect it?”
“Maybe…” Jasmine shifted the photo to another, a group shot of her and her friends at a campsite on the beach.
“This is where we were abducted. We were just packing up to go back home.”
Xant looked over the picture. It was small, but the fidelity matched many of their own equipment. Painted in colour rather than UV, the scene was limited in depth, but otherwise very detailed. The campsite was littered with more unidentifiable objects, colourful chairs, a crude firepit, makeshift hab-tents and high tech objects scattered on tables for contrast.
Jasmine flicked through more pictures, stopping on close-ups of her friends.
“This is Chamkov, we worked together at (the restaurant). He’s a line cook like me, but was going to be head chef when we opened our B&B. He liked to grow veggies and stuff. He would have absolutely wet himself if he had seen your hydroponics lab.” A tall, thin human with black hair and blue eyes, he had metal studs in his ears and a curiously uniform pattern across his left pectoral. Xant wondered if such a design could even be natural and once again pondered the effects of ‘natural’ gene-splicing.
“Katie was my best friend growing up. She was the one who helped me on my way to becoming a chef.” Jasmine smiled fondly at the picture. “She had a degree in tourism and it was her idea to start the business.” Katie had pastel pink hair, with eyeshadow and nails to match. Dark olive skin and obsidian eyes gave her quite the striking appearance.
“And that’s Warren.” Jasmine sighed, looking at the photo. “In all honesty, I had a crush on him. He was an engineer in the army, got out after his last tour and helped us to invest. He just wanted to sit on the beach and fish.” She laughed. “It was going to be an adventure for all of us...”
Xant studied the picture of ‘Warren’, getting a glimpse of what a ‘military grade’ human looked like. He was larger, muscular, but not obviously so, if Jasmine had not said anything he would not have been able to make the distinction. Perhaps he was more like the engineer’s assistants than the engine lord himself? Or perhaps humans were not as physically diverse as he expected.
Jasmine continued her virtual tour, swiping through photos in her gallery, showing off the Australian countryside. Long swaths of empty, red dirt land, with sparse scatterings of plant and animal life. The settlements were small, filled with rugged vehicles and people. Jasmine pointed out the locations that her friends were looking at for their establishment, many of them isolated along a tarmac road.
Then the small rim settlements made way for cities of steel and glass, sparkling in the sunlight.
“There she is, ye old isolated capital,” Jasmine stated sarcastically, but Xant marvelled at the silhouette.
The rising towers lit up the night sky with colourful lights and a single white moon cast its visage over the river. It was beautiful and simplistic, easily rivalling GC architecture from the newly settled planets. The scenery soon gave way to human revelry, more bright colours, more coloured drinks.
“Do humans drink coloured liquids all the time?” he asked.
“It’s an Australian tradition to drink whenever possible. Holiday? Drink. Party? Drink. Tuesday? Drink!” She laughed playfully, taking another sip to make her point. “Commiserating and remembering? Drink.”
City life soon gave way to more intimate photos, more selfies and other people.
“That’s my mum and dad…” Jasmine’s voice grew softer as pictures of the pair embracing her came onto the screen. “Mum was in real estate, and she loved to garden.” The human swiped through until she found a picture of a house with a giant, creeping plant out front. “See that? That’s jasmine, my mum’s favourite flower, and my name, of course.
“Dad wanted her to cut it down. He tried a couple of times, but the thing grew back like a weed. ‘Jasmine, if you’re half as determined and tough (persistent) as that damn creeper I’d be proud.’ He worked in accounting but he always wanted to be a musician.”
There were other photos in the mix: more human food (a lot of food, actually), her and Chamkov in formal, white uniforms, a party at Katie’s house where she pointed out several other friends. Then it stopped on another couple of humans that had not appeared so far. Jasmine lingered on the photo longer than the others.
“That’s my brother Daniel and his fiancée, Vanessa.” Her heart sank a little, and she took another drink.
“You never mentioned him before.”
“No, he died before the abduction. Car crash, slippery roads, wrapped himself around a tree. It took me a long time to get over it. I dropped out of uni and everything, mum didn’t get out of bed for days, dad sat and watched TV for longer and I…” Jasmine looked guiltily at the whisky and put it down out of her reach. “But Katie, Chamkov and Warren helped bring me out of it. I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have such great friends.”
Xant thought over his connections with his own siblings. He had not spoken to any of them in nearly a decade since his departure from the inner planets. It wasn’t even as though they had been close to begin with, despite being literally mind-linked. Rynard had even less of a clue. He’d come out of a vat, his type mass-produced and referred to by numbers unless they lived long enough to get a name.
To have such an emotional connection to anyone was quite outside their knowledge or experience.
“I hope we were there to help you as much as they were,” Xant comforted her, a hand on her shoulder.
“Oh god, Xant, if it weren’t for you two and the dogs…let’s just say I wouldn’t have been nearly as sane or co-operative,” she replied, half-serious.
“Jasmine, you know you don’t have to be the ‘only’ human,” Xant touched on the uncomfortable subject, “we could always make more when you’re ready, pass on all the knowledge of your home to them.”
Jasmine shifted uneasily and pulled herself from Xant’s hand, lying back on the sunbed.
“I’m not ready for that conversation,” she replied. “I don’t know how I’d feel raising a bunch of my own clones.”
“They wouldn’t be exact copies of you, we can alter their appearances if that is the--”
“That’s not it. It’s complicated.” Jasmine sighed, and returned to the window of her phone, before snickering under her breath. “Do you guys want to see what happens when you mix humans and gravity?”
Jasmine turned the phone around and showed the aliens a video of gymnasts jumping on a trampoline, one by one performing twisting somersaults in the air, when one fell out of sync and smashed face-first into the mat with wildly flapping arms.
Xant and Rynard both bellowed in gut bursting laughter. She felt the familiar splashing water at her heels from Xant, but Rynard’s laugh was like a boom, in both freq and volume.
“Look at its wiggling arms!” the captain guffawed.
Slapstick humour was apparently universal. Jasmine smirked.
"Do you want to see some more?"
The aliens nodded their heads as they crowded around to watch humans fall over and crash cars on the tiny screen.

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Book 3- Transcripts: Dreams

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My hot takes on popular pregnancy books! (Warning: words!)

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth
Ina May Gaskin
tl;dr - crunchy AF but worth it
The author is a midwife who started a birthing commune in Tennessee called "The Farm." First half of the book is crunchy but enjoyable birth stories. For example, one woman's labor wasn't progressing. So the midwives called in a friend of hers who had just given birth a few hours before. The friend gets in the bed and the two have a naked snuggle session, allowing the friend to "share her birthing energy." Apparently it worked because things picked up and the woman in labor had her baby soon afterwards. So ... I guess I'll keep this tip in mind if my labor stalls??
Second half of the book is about Ina May's philosophy and has some information on medical interventions. I would not trust her medical advice because some of the statistics were flat out wrong (or possibly just outdated). She definitely has a bias against interventions. However, I liked her general advice. Her ideas about the importance of a calm environment were very convincing.
⭐️⭐️⭐️ /5

What to Expect When You're Expecting
Heidi Murkoff & Sharon Mazel
tl;dr - get an app instead
A big chunk of this book is a rundown of weekly and monthly symptoms and baby updates - the same information you can get from any pregnancy tracking app. The rest is mostly an unnecessarily long nutrition plan. Sprinkled throughout are cheerful little paragraphs of total surrender to the horrors of American late stage capitalism. Insomnia got you down? Here are some makeup tips to cover your under-eye circles! No maternity leave at work? Don't worry, if you have an office job you can keep working until your contractions are five minutes apart, way to go super mama!! :)
⭐️ /5

The Birth Partner 5th Edition
Penny Simkin
tl;dr - lots of good, unbiased information
The only book on this list which uses gender-neutral language throughout! Highly recommended for you and your partner to read and discuss. Goes over the different stages of labor, how you might feel and what kind of support you might need in each stage, and what are the medical interventions available. Takes a neutral position on medication, just gives the information so you can decide for yourself. Has topics to discuss with your partner ahead of time, like rate yourself from 1-10 on whether you want or don't want pain medication and how your partner can support you in each case.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ /5

Babies Are Not Pizzas: They're Born, Not Delivered
Rebecca Dekker
tl;dr - an insider's view on the problems with hospital birth and possible solutions
The author is a nurse and a former professor of nursing. She is most well known for founding the popular website Evidence Based Birth, and podcast of the same name.
The book starts out with the birth of her first baby, and how she felt disempowered and traumatised, despite the birth being mostly uneventful. She goes over the routine hospital practices that are not evidence-based, but caused her so much harm. For example, after the birth her baby was taken away for several hours and she did not get to have skin-to-skin time. The rest of the book focuses on her other births and her career, how she eventually quit the university to run Evidence Based Birth full-time. She also talks about the reasons behind harmful hospital practices and how they could be changed.
The biggest lesson I learned here is that it is important to give birth in a hospital where the caregivers are supportive of the kind of birth you want to have. For her third baby, even though the author was a nurse and a professor, she was afraid to go to the hospital for an induction because she knew her wishes would not be respected.
TW: This book contains graphic descriptions of obstetric violence
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting
Pamela Druckermann
tl;dr - don't let yourself go just because you had a baby, do you even love your husband?! You'll feel so much better if you stay cute :) This is fine. This. Is. Fine!!!
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills because everyone seems to love this book but I thought it was mostly a bunch of sexist garbage. France, as depicted in the book, seems to have a real problem with toxic beauty culture and the author thinks this is great, actually. She wishes she had French in-laws because they would have body shamed her into losing the baby weight faster.
The advice about getting kids to try new foods was helpful. But to get there you have to read through many pages of bullshit about how you owe it to your husband to stay attractive after baby, and how you shouldn't let him see you below the waist during vaginal birth because you will disgust him with your gross body. There's one passage in particular about an American woman having her baby in France:

"She wanted to give birth on a balloon, give birth in a bath," [her husband] recalls. He says the doctor told her, "It's not a zoo here, or a circus. Basically you will give birth like everyone, on your back, legs open. And the reason is that if there is a problem, then I can do something."

So in support of her thesis that childbirth is better in France, the author includes an anecdote about a doctor who is an arrogant bastard with no respect for patient autonomy. So deeply has she drunk from the cup of internalized misogyny, that the author thinks this story is great?? That you will wish your hospital was like this?? I dunno, maybe I'm too much of a feminist bitch to appreciate the delights of a medical system that doesn't allow me to make choices about my body.
I could write a much longer post on this book, that was only a teaser of my many feminist bitch complaints!
⭐️/5

Active Birth - Revised Edition: The new approach to giving birth naturally
Janet Balaskas
tl;dr - do a prenatal yoga video instead. Possibly worth it for the pictures
This book describes the benefits of staying active during labor, and different positions you can try. It hasn't been updated in the last 30 years, so it contains advice like: your hospital bag should include change for the call box. There is also a yoga routine but I found it hard to follow written descriptions of yoga poses. Just go on Youtube and find some prenatal mobility or yoga routines.
However, the best part by far is the pictures of fully nude women of all different body sizes, giving birth in various positions, with their 80's bush proudly on display. These photos inspired me so much! Every time I came across one it was like, yesssss queen slayyyy!
Text:
⭐️⭐️/5
Pictures:
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

Edit to Add:
Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom is Wrong and What You Really Need to Know
Emily Oster
tl;dr - finally some advice that treats you like an adult! But take with a grain of salt.
A popular book on this sub. The author is an economist, who goes through the research on many contentious pregnancy topics such as: prenatal testing, forbidden foods, and weight gain. I liked her approach that rather than just telling you not to do XYZ, she gives the actual numbers so you can weigh the risks for yourself. Also doctors don't always keep up with the latest research, for example telling you no caffeine despite the ACOG and NHS both saying that caffiene is safe up to 200mg per day. Knowing the reasons for different food prohibitions was also helpful, such as the difference between listeria (deli meat) and salmonella (runny eggs)
However, her lack of medical knowledge made me skeptical at times. Especially in the area of weight gain and the risks of a large vs small baby. I got the feeling there is a lot more going on medically and maybe the author wasn't aware of all the implications. Also this book shouldn't be taken as a free pass to do all the forbidden things. I was tempted to just read the author's conclusions at the end of each chapter and think, "Well she's pretty smart, I guess I'll do what she did!" But remember, you need to really consider the evidence yourself, keeping in mind that she could be missing important details.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

I’m 26 years young, live in Queens, NY and made $120,000 as a Registered Nurse.

Basic info: I did my first money diaries in April 2020. Since then I’ve made major strides financially. This is an updated MD. I am a registered nurse living in NYC. One major change: I changed specialities and now work in the Medical ICU. There’s no change in pay rate, but major change in job opportunities given the ICU need during COVID.
January 2020 Net Worth: -$39,531
January 2021 Net Worth: +$20,674
Retirement Balance (and how you got there): 401K: $13,154
I made some changes, I reached the one year minimum to get an employee match and increased my contributions to 8%. In addition, I also started a Roth IRA with a 2% contribution. I also discovered I had $1,200 in Vanguard from my previous employer and did a roll-over.
Savings/Investment Account Balance: Emergency Fund: $5,000 (moving out fund, really)
Savings Fund: $22,500
Investment: $0
Checking Account Balance: $1,000
Credit Card Debt: $0 (Thank you Papa Ramsey, I’m trying to cashflow most things I do as a new year resolution).
Student Loan Debt (for what degree): Bachelors of Nursing. Original loan balance: $40,000. My remaining balance now is: $10,700 at 4.25%. (This is my second degree, I also have a bachelors in health care administration. I didn't have to pay for it thanks to FAFSA) I chose to be aggressive with my student loans and paid off $30,000 in the first year. Since the CARES Act started I’ve stopped.
Auto Loan: $10,000.
Total Income = $112,000* + side hustles ($7,256) *This is including COVID crisis rates. The side hustles are little per diem gigs I did throughout the year (infusion care, school nursing, and home nursing). Main Job Take Home Pay: $50/hr at base rate. $4,400 net monthly ($7,600 gross pay) post health insurance and pre/post tax dedications. (Yes, I pay nearly $2,400 in taxes a MONTH) Additional income/side hustle: $800 - $1,000 average a month with two per diem companies post tax. Base rates can range between $35/hr or $85/case. I quit these jobs during the surges and did OT in the hospital for crisis rates. In the last two months I worked like a DOG and I’ve averaged an additional $3,000 a month off crisis rate shifts.
401K/Roth deductions = $750/mo.
Health Insurance: $120/mo
Home = $1735/mo Rent: I live with my mom and pay her $650/month. I’m moving out in May/June w/ a goal of finding an apartment for $1,500-$1,650. (I live in Queens, so it’s doable!)
Car Insurance: $1,400 for six months or $235/mo
Car Payment: $250/mo (remaining balance $10,000).
Gas Money: $120-150/mo
Groceries: $250/mo
Phone + Internet: $150/mo (I cover my moms cell phone bill).
Subscriptions & Memberships = $24/mo
Netflix: $7.99
Hulu: $5.99
Apple Music: $9.99
I’ve tried so hard to get rid of these because I hardly use them but I always find myself randomly reactivating them.
Health: $40/mo I suffer from chronic yeast infections and go to urgent care every other month with a random doctors appointment so probably $20-$40 a month for copayments. Also was recently diagnosed with Graves Disease, so I’ve been following up w/ an endocrinologist.
What do money and success mean to you? I always feel very financially insecure. A lot of this stems from growing up poor and having a family that constantly lived from paycheck to paycheck. I didn’t start becoming financially literate until I scored my first big girl job (at 25 years old) so it’s only been a little over a year since I started making my salary.
My short term end goal is to reach a net worth of 150K - 200K by the age of 30 (Which is a hard reach considering that I live in a VHCOL area). And my long term goal is to not reach FIRE, but to build a nest egg that has plenty of funds in it to cover any cost or concerns of my own. I’d like to own a home one day and if I ever want to take a year off or two to raise children, I don’t ever want it to be a financial concern.
Are you a saver or a spender. I’m a budgeter. I save what I deem is appropriate and realistic. And I spend according to my budget, though admittedly sometimes spend more than planned but not enough to ruin my financial goals.
If you can go back in time, what's the one piece of financial advice you would give to your past self? There’s two. I would have contributed more to my 401k earlier. And I wouldn’t have taken out more student loans than I needed to. I don’t feel behind in any sense but it would have been nice to have a better head start.
Warning: Money Diaries isn’t as eventful as I’m trying to take advantage of the crisis pays. I work in the ICU with COVID patients. I’ll reflect on small cases but for the most part, my life is boring ya’ll (and sad), sorry! I’m actually on holiday from work, but find myself picking up OT this week (because i’m low key a workaholic).
Thursday: 8AM: Did some grocery shopping in the morning before my OT shift tonight. I spent $84.31, which is higher than I usually spend but I spent $20 on cheese and salami because your girl wants to make a charcuterie board for breakfast. 7PM until Friday morning: I decided to do OT tonight, so i’m busy with my one patient (covid+) who’s on the brink of being intubated. (Female who’s 25 weeks pregnant on high flow nasal cannula, not doing too hot, is very unstable while maintaining her oxygen saturation). We keep a close eye on her, but she’s incredibly anxious, which doesn’t help her situation. I take a quick break and buy myself a strawberry lemonade downstairs for $2.49. Lunch was sponsored by another department and we get free sandwiches and wings!
Money Spent: $86.80
Friday 7AM: I finally give a report and I’m happy I get to go home to sleep. My friend texts me that I forgot to venmo him money a few weeks ago (I was so embarrassed) I sent him the $25 I owed him. 12PM: I wake up spontaneously and decide to pick up an OT shift. I fall back to sleep. 5PM: IMMENSELY regretting picking up OT again while on vacation. But i have no self control. 7PM until Saturday morning: I make it to work and have the same anxious patient as the night before. We have another close call for intubation. She just keeps getting worse. OBGYN gets involved with our ICU team to further discuss the baby's care and her care. I didn’t pack lunch today and didn’t want to spend money. So I eat some cheese and crackers I left in the staff fridge from the night before and stop and get my infamous strawberry lemonade from downstairs again for $2.99
Money Spent: $28
Saturday: 8AM: I get off of work and get COVID swabbed. I don’t have any symptoms, but I was in a large crowd the other day and figured better safe than sorry. 11AM: I finally go to bed. 2PM: I woke up with 3 hours of sleep and met with my dad because he needed help buying a microwave at Target. I take this opportunity to return the $29.99 blackout curtains I don’t need and buy a bunch of snacks for my hiking trip tomorrow. I buy two tubs of icecream in which my dad goes, “Why are you buying so much ice cream?” I respond with a pouty face and say, “I’m getting my period tomorrow.” LOL The money I used to return the curtains covered all the snacks I bought.
6PM I catch up on Married at First Sight and decide to buy the season on amazon since I don’t have cable. I buy the entire season for $19.99.
Money Spent: $19.99
Sunday: 4AM: I finally woke up and got ready to go on a hiking trip with a meetup group from online. We hike upstate, about an hour north. I make my own breakfast and pack my own lunch. I stop by the gas station and fill my tank with $26.99. It’s my first time in months doing something alone and with a meetup group again. I’m excited to see some new people and just get out of the house. 9:30-4PM: I hike with a few familiar faces and some new ones and have a great time. It was nice to finally interact with people outside of work (yes, we wore masks and socially distanced). Although it was FREEEEEZINGGG cold outside it was nice to get away from the hospital. I passed a lot of tolls and bridges, I know it’s probably a total of $20.00 for transportation coverage. 7PM: I invited my mom for some tacos for dinner and I spent $23.09 on some tacos and churros! 8:30PM I make it home and knock out.
Money Spent: $70
Monday 2AM: I wake up with a text message from my boyfriend. I forgot I told him I’d stop by after dinner. He was trying to convince me to come over. (if I don’t, our work schedules will keep us from seeing each other for one week). I say no because I parked too far, its too cold outside, and i'm tired. He tried to seduce me with some air fried chicken nuggies and his preheated blanket. His hard efforts worked because I straight simped to his house in a one hour car ride at 3AM.
10AM: My boyfriend is also a nurse and works nights. I wake up early since I’m on a day schedule and leave him to sleep and go back home. I’m tempted to buy a breakfast bagel but decide there’s food at home (adulting hard).
2PM: I caught up on 90 Day Fiance and Married at First Sight. I don’t have cable and pay $2 an episode on youtube or amazon to watch my shows. I ate some pizza and ice cream (from my Target run the other day) because surprise, your girl got her menses.
3PM: Your girl is crazy and decides to pick up OT for Tuesday. I can’t help myself.
6PM: I heat up some leftovers from dinner and check my bank account. Internet auto pay kicked in for $54.99
Money spent: $56.99
Tuesday: 5AM: I’m too lazy to make breakfast and buy myself a bagel with butter. I agreed to do OT and help out with fit testing (we received new N95 at our hospitals and need to fit test everyone. This is only an 8 hour shift so I agree to do it). I pay $3.25 for a bagel and a bottle of water and another $4.00 on a slice of pizza and a bag of chips for lunch.
4PM: I go straight to the laundromat and wash my blankets and clothes. I spend $15 to do two small loads and one large load. I forgot my Downey so I bought the overpriced one at the store.
6PM: My friends all came back negative and we meet for some tacos and margaritas. I spent $26.87 in margaritas, tacos and churros again.
Total Spent $42.12
Wednesday 9AM I parked on metered parking the night before and paid $1.25 to cover the extra hour before more my car. I go grocery shopping and spent $35.34. I literally stay home all day and do nothing
Total Spent: $36.50
Hope you enjoyed my money diary!

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Madison Park Ridge Queen Size Bed Comforter Set Bed in A ...

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queen bedding | Dillard's

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Ozark Trail Queen Bed-in-a-Bag with Pillow only $46.41

Elegance Linen Wrinkle Resistant - Silky Soft Dobby Stripe Bed-in-a-Bag 8-Piece Comforter Set -HypoAllergenic - Full/Queen, Gray

Bedsure 8 Pieces Bed in a Bag Queen Size Deep Pocket Comforter Set (88" x 88") - $42.89 + Free Shipping [Deal Price: $42.89]

Queen Size Bedding Romantic Comforter Set Cute Warm Full Down Bed in a Bag Sheet

65 % off on 8-Piece Queen Size Embossed Bed-In-a-Bag Bedding Set - $ 41.99,12 Styles Available @ Tanga

My estate sale haul, $10 for this beautiful 1960s queen chenille spread, found balled up in an old bag in a closet. The hairy guy at the top of the bed thinks I got it for him!

Free - 2 Queen Size Bed in a bag sets