Ramtidings, dear friends! It is I, your dutiful lord and master, the eternal GM. My sabbatical proved most fruitful, having figured out some depth mechanics for 3 dimensional combat in my pet project, Blood & Thunder, a maritime piracy RPG that has been both a joy and a nerve-wracking nightmare to create. If you want to see what's going on with that, you can swing by patreon.com/BlackFlagPrintingPress to take a look or support my endeavors. But I digress, because I did not come here today to talk about Blood & Thunder, no. I came here with something else in mind, good friends, for while I have been writing my bread and butter, you have gone without your beard and butter, and this is unacceptable! And so, I have trawled the depths of my memory to bring you yet another TAAAAAALE FROM THE TABLETOP, lovingly subtitled A Prologue Into Poverty.
Life is not an easy thing. There was a time when life was very difficult for me. I had far less than most, and I went without frequently, my entire life loaded into a backpack of bare necessities. Joys were few and times were hard, but I made the best of it. I traveled the countryside, mostly alone, making friends where I could amongst the other forgotten souls who haunt the streets of the United States. I met a good number of people, many of them listless drifters in their own right, who became fast friends. We would hang out for a time, but like all drifters, we would eventually part ways, called to different places to do different things. I had just come from North Carolina. I had been in Asheville, playing bluegrass to make money with friends who eventually proved dishonest, and so I parted ways with them. While in Asheville, I had met a girl, also on the road like myself, and I developed a massive crush on her. Fortune would have it that our time together was short lived, as she disappeared on a freighter down the train tracks, and I layed curled up in a bush sick as a dog for the next 3 days.
You can't get a ride from a freighter with 8 people without getting pulled off by johnny law. Our group had fractured, and myself and one other soul continued on our own, until we parted ways in Atlanta. Now, on my own, clueless and green, I wandered aimlessly, until a friend of mine at the time reached out to me by way of the internet. He had work for me, back in California, if I could just make it there. What's 3000 miles? I've got this. I walked out of Atlanta, hitched a series of rides to Arkansas, and then caught a freighter myself, all the way back to the west coast while UP did the driving. I laid on the back of that train for 3 days until I finally ran out of water and decided to get off. I was in Los Angeles. After a bit of panhandling, I got a bus into the central valley, and my friend came and scooped me up. I worked on my friends farm for a bit, building green houses and stacking money until the time came for me to once again depart. During that time, my crush from North Carolina had found me on Facebook. We got to talking.
She told me she had gone back home to Wisconsin and was working in some greasy spoon trying to save up money to afford a bus. She'd been back for awhile now, but wasn't making any headway. Her vices were getting the best of her, and she couldn't seem to get ahead. I told her she needed to knock that shit off and clean up her act. After a long enough time talking, however, things started to get flirty and dirty.
I wanted to see her, and it's actually amazing what a guy will do for love. You're how far away? Piece of cake. Hold my beer. With the work season coming to a close, I took my pay and my leave of my old friend, and he dropped me off in Modesto at the Greyhound. On the way out, he loaded me up with gifts for my travels - a new backpack, socks, a sleeping bag, some snacks for the ride... and naturally, he gave me a gift that I always treasure. He gave me a set of RPG dice. I gave my boy a hug, wished him well in his endeavors, and promised I'd be back in the fall to help him with the harvest and gathering firewood. So I went on my merry way.
I absolutely despise Greyhounds. Have you ever been on one? It's miserable. There's no room to stretch out unless you sit in the back, right by the toilet. Some asshole is always blaring garbage mumble rap on his phone all day long. It doesn't matter who you are - at the end of the trip you exude the pungent aroma of a neckbeard. This didn't bother me too much - personal hygiene suffers when you have no way to bathe regularly, so I was used to being dirty, and my friends from the road were usually very dirty people in their own right at the time, so I could handle a certain degree of grossness... within limits. I did shower at my friend's farm before I boarded that bus, though, and was feeling rather spiffy - clean body, clean clothes. Life was good and I was on my way to see my woman.
I did my best to zone out. I tried to sleep as much as I could and ignore the general atmosphere of the bus, but that was no longer an option after a layover in Las Vegas. We boarded the bus once more after an almost 24 hour delay on our schedules, and finally got moving again. I sat in the back near the toilet, as I was no stranger to this game and wanted that bench seat, and foul smells at the time didn't bother me much... or so I thought. With the bus filling up and the seats reducing to slim pickings, it dawned on me that my coveted back seat bench was going to get shared. Then, I saw him... the Busbeard.
I'm usually a pretty nice person, but I did not want my coveted backseat benchseat getting taken up, let alone by this massive lardass that now lumbered towards me. I did everything in my power to seem as big and hostile as I could. This was all in vain, however, as some people cannot read social cues. I stared at him, dripping hostility, mentally repeating sit somewhere else like it was a Zen mantra. However, nobody wanted him to sit by them either, and so, he made his way, closer and closer, as he asked people if seats were taken until he got to me at the back. He shifted to sit into the seat, angling his ass in the general direction of my face. The smell of soggy feces-laden underwear wafted up as he slid his bulk onto the bench.
Did I mention that personal hygiene suffers on a greyhound bus ride, especially when you've been riding for days? I've taken my fair share of Greyhounds, and it's unlikely that this new arrival had been riding for awhile. He was eastbound, like the rest of us, and we were in Las Vegas. His point of origin was... not very far east. I had only been on the bus for approximately a day so far, minus the extended layover time of course, so I was getting a ittle sweaty myself, but this guy smelled as if he not only lived on this bus, but was born in the blue poop goop of the latrine. It was a question worthy of debate as to whether this man had actually employed the use of a speed stick in his life. His patchy jowels jiggled at me as he said, hi.
I responded with a gruff and monotone hello, and then turned my attentions to the window, watching the bus depot workers loading up suitcases beneath. My fate was sealed. This man was to be my travel companion all the way to Denver. I decided then that maybe it would be best to ignore him. I plugged in my phone, booted up an emulator I had downloaded, and started to play some Pokemon to whittle away the hours. It didn't take long, however, before I could feel his olfactory looming become physical looming as he examined the screen upon which I played from over my shoulder.
Busbeard: Pokemon? I fucking love Pokemon! I didn't know you could play it on a phone. How are you doing that?
His heavy respirations were like an infusion of green spearmint and halitosis.
GM: Emulators.
I went back to my game, trying to angle myself away from him in such a way that he couldn't lean over my shoulder and watch me as I trained my team, but I was effectively sandwiched between him and the wall, forced to sit straight as he leaned over and watched me play. I debated then, what I ought to do. Playing Pokemon would make the time fly, but I would be crushed between the window and a sweaty fat man. Not playing Pokemon would save me the physical agony of being squished, but I would be painfully bored for seemingly endless miles, and he may use it as an opportunity to interact further. A decision needed to be made.
I shut the emulator off and put away my phone, turning my attention back out the window as the bus pulled out of the Las Vegas terminal and began down the freeway. It was not long after we had pulled out of the station, however, when that wheezing, rasping voice chirped up again.
Busbeard: So where are you going?
I ignored him, focusing on the casinos towering in the distance of the skyline, pretending as if I hadn't heard the question, or as if it weren't addressed at me. With insistance, he repeated his question at my turned back again, searching for a response within my stony exterior. I mumbled, the Midwest, and he questioningly grunted, and asked me to repeat myself. I guess we're doing this.
GM: I'm going to the Midwest.
Busbeard: Where in the Midwest?
GM: Wisconsin.
Busbeard: I've never been to Wisconsin before, but I know they got really good cheese! Hyuk hyuk... Is that why you're going there?
Judging by his smell, he must have been an excessively avid connosieur of fine Wisconsinite cheese. However, cheese was the last thing on my mind at the time.I was enamored with my lady love.
GM: I'm going to see an old friend.
Busbeard: Oh, that's cool... who is it?
The odds of this man knowing the person who I was on my way to visit were astronomically low. Your odds of getting struck by lightning, winning the lottery, and becoming president in the same day were probably higher than this cretin knowing the one specific person whom I was going to go visit in some backwater Wisconsin town. Still, I humored him, and in the same flat voice, answered his question, and told him I was on my way to see my sweetheart.
This caught Busbeard's attention. For a grown man in his mid 30s, he let out a loud "oooooooo" like a middle schooler would when he finds out his friend has a crush. I contemplated execution methods and the subjective severity of their barbarism as he excitedly asked me where she was from.
GM: Wisconsin.
Busbeard: Yeah... but, where in Wiconsin?
GM: Fuck off, dude. I'm not going to tell you the town where she lives.
Busbeard: Heh! I'd be terrified of telling a superior male like me where my girlfriend lives, too. A little kid like you wouldn't stand a chance next to a man like me. Her panties would hit the floor from one whiff of my pheromones. It happens all the time, bro, I swear. I could have any woman on this bus. They just can't resist me. They can sense my manhood, I know it.
I shouldn't stir the pot. All common sense tells me that I should just stop myself while I'm ahead, but sometimes... sometimes I just can't help myself. I've always been a pretty reserved and self-contained person for the most part, and I just want to be left alone 90% of the time to do my thing. Apparently, that's a lot to ask, because every now and then, somebody comes and invades my personal space with their protruding belly, bad breath, and self-aggrandizement, and then I find it really hard to resist my inclination to fuck with them. I know, I know, it's wrong of me to do that, but I'm human, damnit, and something good was cooking in the kitchen. What's the harm in dipping a spoon into this self-important concoction of body odor and bravado?
GM: Any woman, huh? Tell ya what, Busbeard, I just got paid, and you seem really confident in the power of your, ahhhhh, pheromones, so... how about a wager.
I laid out the terms of my devil's bargain. With a wager of 100 dollars, I would pick a lady on the bus at the next break. Busbeard would then have to seduce her. He MUST "present" his pheromones to her, naturally. If he recovered her phone number, or anything in excess thereof, like a kiss or a consensual toilet stall consummation, it would suffice to meet my criteria and loose my grasp from the freshly printed Franklin in my wallet. He agreed enthusiastically to my terms, insisting I was going to loose and he was going to get his dick sucked in a Greyhound portajohn "blumpkin style".
We rode along in silence for the next hour or so. The sun was high in the sky when we made our next stop at some gas station in Utah, and everyone filed off the bus to stretch their legs and get their snacks. I wandered around, huffing down my smoke, chatting it up with people and making friends, seeing just who they were, asking them questions - where they were going, who they were going there with. I got to talking with one guy and his girlfriend.
The guy, who we will call Sarge, was built like a brick shithouse and was a former infantry man who served 2 tours of duty in the middle east. He was traveling with his wife, a young and pretty little thing who we will call Alexandra. They were on their way back to the east coast to stay with family. Alexandra's mom was getting old and had asked them to move in to help take care of her. They were on their way out there to steward her aging mother's estate. I remarked that that was awfully kind of them, and sincerely wished them the best on taking care of Alexandra's aging mom. I told them a little bit about myself, as well... that I was effectively living on the road, playing life by ear, and on the way to see a loved one of mine for a bit before the wind blew me somewhere else.
Eventually, the bus driver gave everyone a 5 minute warning before departure, and we all filed on board. I moved back to my seat and waited for Busbeard to arrive. He came back, cradling piles of gas station sandwiches, bags of chips, and a couple of sodas in his massive paws. He sat down beside me with a loud "oof" and offered me a drink, saying that it's the least he could do before he took my money. I took that beverage. It was both cold and delicious.
GM: Well, Busbeard, I've done my rounds, and I've come to a decision.
Busbeard: Who is it? She better be hot. I swear to God, if you make me waste my time on some dried up roastie, I'm gonna be so fucking pissed at you dude.
GM: Why would I do that dude? Naturally, I only want the best for you. No, she's very pretty. You see that girl over there, in the aisle seat? That's the one. Make your move whenever you're ready.
I pointed out Alexandra to him. I already knew this was going to end very poorly. There was no way in Hell that Alexandra would express any interest in this disgusting lardass whatsoever when she had a stable and solid man like Sarge, and Sarge wasn't about to take guff from anyone. Add on to it that Sarge was easily the size of, if not bigger than, the prodigious Busbeard himself. Sarge was also trained to kill and hardened by years of combat in the graveyard of empires. I can fight - I've fought a lot - and I would not want to square up against him under any circumstances. Busbeard was going to get the snot beat out of him and pay me 100 dollars for that privilege.
The bus took off and I listened to the disgusting sounds of Busbeard inhaling the equivalent of 5 pounds of gas station food. I was only halfway through my soda, when Busbeard emitted a satisfied belch that rumbled the seats, and the feeding frenzy had ended in an effervesence of curdling bile and preservatives just as fast as it had begun. He then started to pump himself up for the task at hand. He started to sweat with excitement and latent cardiac arrest as he prepared his pheromonal aura about himself, and then with a gruff, alright, let's do this, he stood up from his seat and waddled down the aisle, his greasy belly bumping into everybody who had chosen an aisle seat.
He approached Alexandra. They were near the front end of the bus, and so I couldn't hear a word that they were saying. I watched Busbeard as he extended an arm and held on to the overhead luggage rack, exposing the damp miasma of corn-syrup infused armpit sweat to his unsuspecting victim. His pheromones were beginning to work their magic over the unsuspecting Alexandra who would soon be enraptured by its juicy spell. I waited, leaning forward intently, when a loud shout broke the silence.
Sarge: BACK THE FUCK UP.
Alexandra started to shout, too, yelling "get the fuck away from me!"
The driver turned back and yelled for everyone to sit down and shut the hell up or he would pull the bus over.
Sarge: Please do! I'm gonna beat this fucking lardass into the pavement! Saying shit like that to my wife? Who the fuck do you think you are?
The bus driver repeated his warning, and Busbeard began to shout his protests, insisting upon his innocence.
Busbeard: B-but, I was put up to it! It was that guy, in the back seat! He said---
He pointed back at me. I yelled back, I don't fucking know that guy.
The bus driver meant his threat, and pulled the bus over. We were on a long and empty stretch on the I-15 somewhere in rural Utah. The last town I had seen was about 20 miles back. It was late spring, and it was getting hot outside that afternoon. The bus driver got out of his seat, walked up to Busbeard, and told him to get the Hell off of his bus. Busbeard kept protesting, when Sarge moved past his wife, and started forcing Busbeard towards the front door.
I've heard the threat of getting kicked off maybe a thousand times on a Greyhound, but I had never seen it play out before. Busbeard was thrown off the bus. Sarge did not join him outside and pummel him into the asphalt, regrettably, as I would have loved to have watched it. Busbeard kept pleading with the bus driver as the driver shut the door on him, sealing him out on the shoulder of a lonely stretch of highway. I breathed a sigh of relief, and stretched out my legs. It was another 15 miles before we saw signs of civilization. A part of me felt bad for Busbeard, but the other part of me said, "if I can walk 20 miles in a day with 60 lbs of shit on my back, he can do an unencumbered 15 and be fine."
The ride continued on in sweet, reclined silence for me until we reached Denver, werein there was another changeover, and this bus was much, much more desolate. The rest of the Greyhound voyage passed without incident, and I spent my time flirting with my lady love and training some Pokemons. At long last, I finally arrived in Wisconsin. She came to pick me up at the bus station, and when we approached each other, we made out like long lost lovers for a good 5 minutes before we finally caught our breath enough to say hello. I got in her car, and spent maybe a week or so with her, before it was time to take my leave. I couldn't live there forever, and so, as fast as I had drifted into her life, once again, it was time for me to disappear. We said goodbye, and she dropped me off at a lonely interstate overpass on the edge of town. I put my thumb out to catch a ride to Anywhere But Here USA.
I planned my next move, and I figured that there were some friends of hers and mine that lived not too far away in the Dakotas, and maybe I would pay them a visit next. I was in the neighborhood, and figured that I might as well say hello. I reached out to them online, and then made my way west again. They were excited for me to come see them. It was only a day into the voyage when I received a message from Janet. It said, "wait for me, I'm catching up." She had packed her backpack again, and was coming after me, hot on my tail. I told her we could meet up at our mutual friend's house.
I dialed ahead to our friends, who we shall call Sarah and Queenie. Sarah used to travel together with Janet for many months before she stabilized, and then settled down. Queenie was one of my friends from North Carolina. He was a loveable chucklefuck of a drifter, missing a few teeth, wore a skirt, and spoke in the most haggard voice you could imagine. Still... he insisted on being called Queenie. He had settled down with Sarah after they hooked up, and they were living at Sarah's house. He was on thin ice there, however, and she was threatening to kick him out.
I arrived at Sarah's and Queenie's, and spent the next few days waiting for Janet to come up on my heels. During that time, Queenie and I played a lot of Magic (he had just gotten into it), and I remembered the dice that my friend in California had given me that were laying unusued in my backpack. I asked him if he had ever played tabletop RPG's before, to which he answered no. I told him that, maybe next time I see him and I'm in a better spot, we could run a game. Eventually Janet caught up, and we prepared to leave Sarah's for good towards our own new horizons. Queenie, however, had finally broken through the thin ice upon which he skated, and was getting thrown out. On the day of our departure, we asked him if he wanted to join us in our travels so he wouldn't have to go it alone.
Thus we began from Sarah's house out into the unknown once again, a cheerful trio, and true to my word, I began to teach not only Queenie, but Janet as well, the joys of tabletop RPGs.
As I'm sure you can surmise, dear friends, that this is not the end of our story, but only the beginning of another chapter. Is Busbeard still alive? What does the future hold for Ramtide's love life? How do a gaggle of vagabond drifters play tabetop games without a table? Some of these questions will be answered, my dear friends, in our next installment of TAAAAAALES FROM THE TABLETOP.
A shoutout to my lovely patrons, Tatoferret and Sillibits. You guys are wonderful. Thank you for believing in the dream.

Florida to San Jose in a 1964 Corvette. My buddy spent every penny he had buying it with nothing left over for a tune-up or fresh tires before we took off. (Mistake #1) He picked me up @ Hartsfield in Atlanta at 2 a.m, (long before cellphones....coordinating my late arrival was difficult) we ate at a Waffle House at 3 a.m. and off we went. It was to be all blue highways, back roads, 2-lanes, no interstates or national chain restaurants from that point forward.
A copy of “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” was to be our Bible.
We saw innumerable "See Rock City" signs and drove through the apparent fireworks capital of the free world @ the Georgia/TN border.
The damn Vette kept breaking down, first a clutch in Nashville, later a U-joint near Clarksville. Carb troubles in Nevada. I remember we saw “Weird Science” at the Clarksville theater, long before theaters were all 24-plexes. Afterwards at a bar we told a pair of local ladies we were “Location Agents” in town scouting sites for a film that was going to be shot there. Remember, this was pre-HIV... We were looking for a LAKE that the SUN came up over in the East.......\snicker, snicker**
What surprised us most were the full size satellite TV dishes behind every farmhouse across America. From nothing to 250+ channels with nothing but a check and a bootleg converter. Rural America had gotten wired. Well, dished. News, or what passed for it, was now broadcast 24 hours a day. (Mistake #2?)
Mosquitoes ate us alive at some state park in Arkansas where we’d foolishly chosen to camp rather than get a cheap motel room. We had a cassette walkman to pass the time before sleep came. The waitress at the one cafe in some lonely small town in Kansas assured us “Charlie,” the Frito Lay guy, came by EVERY DAY to refill the rack. We've joked about "Charlie" ever since.
We trailed a shiny stainless Kraft tanker truck across the loneliest highway in America, drafting for better fuel mileage, until he locked up the brakes and turned down a deserted dirt road. Trust me. There were no cows, and no dairies down that road. Must have been Area 51, or something else, cause a “milk truck” had no business being there. Fortunately we just missed creaming his rear bumper.
By this point we were getting around 7 mpg's belching black smoke , until a “19 year Chevy dealership mechanic” in a tiny town in the middle of east nowhere, Nevada, told us “No problem, one bowl on your Holley double pumper has sagged, I’ll file it flat and double gasket it and we were on our way again having barely finished lunch, back into, barely, double digit gas mileage. It was AS IF he had been placed there, just for us.
We camped among the stars in a mountaintop State Park near Eloy, Nevada, decided THIS was the place to hang out after nuclear war. You could see cars approaching from 50 miles away. Big cave, glacier full of icemelt pure water, deer everywhere. Survival city. The gubbmit was inexplicably stringing wire and fiber-optic cables into the cave. Maybe they had the same idea. A tiny casino with two slot machines and some serious alcoholics was Eloy's entertainment offering.
It seemed at every breakdown we ran into JUST the right person to fix the ‘64 for us, although the 10 pound metal glove box door continued slamming into my knees all the way to San Jose. @#$@!!!!
Everywhere we went there was someone wanting to talk to us about the burnt orange, white-striped Vette. Either a parent had owned one, a neighbor or their friend had owned one, or a good friend / cousin had died crashing one. We heard, or shall I say endured, endless Vette stories. (As I do again today, it’s the price of admission).
A fourth and final flat occurred near Lake Tahoe. I was ready to pull my hair out at Dave's frugality. Stopping at endless gas stations looking for ANY used tire that would fit. We were running for home at that point, late on our schedule. I think we did the final 200 miles without a spare.
A fly fishing trip on the South Fork of the North something river outside Denver had been the hi-light of the trip, along with an impromptu color TV repair at the cabin. My buddy pulled a trout out on his first cast, having never fished before. "To catch a fish one must THINK like a fish" he had pontificated,..... and then proceeded to JUST DO IT. Rest of us were amazed. I got skunked by a noob!
A cold solder joint in an old TV was repaired with a nail, held in Vice-Grips, heated red hot over a stove burner. Instantly the football field was green once again. My companion impressed the shit out of me with that piece of wizardry.
Forty years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday. We ultimately had to do about 17 miles on an Interstate somewhere in Utah. No way around. There are no road trips to be had, no stories to be gained, blasting 80mph on a superslab and eating in chain restaurants. Never have been, never will be. 2-lanes, diners, cafe's, that's where you see and talk to America.
We learned to take the road less traveled and to take ALL the time needed with everyone who had a story to tell us. We didn't take nearly enough (film) pictures. Mistake #3.

COPY PASTA from my post at AirForce!
A Thorough Review of Robins AFB
Hello Everyone,
This is my review of Robins AFB after living here for the past 5 years. Hope you find this helpful!

• Background of Robins: Robins AFB was created in the 1940s, it was named after Brig Gen Augustine Warner Robins. It is centrally located in Middle Georgia and is about 100 miles south of Atlanta. The mission and main reason why the base still exists today is because of the JSTARS radarecon aircraft. Plus, the base provides jobs to over 18K civilians and the city of Warner Robins would not exist if the base closed.
  
• Getting to Base:
  

If you’re familiar with using Google Map/GPS to help you get to a military base, it can be difficult to find an open gate without your GPS telling you to turn/U-Turn into a closed gate!
Put in your GPS, “Martin’s BBQ, 102 S Armed Forces Blvd, Warner Robins, GA 31088.” It will take you to Watson Blvd and to the only 24hr gate; Watson Gate. This is also the gate to get visitor passes for your friends/family.
The other gate you’ll be using a lot is Russell gate which is connected to Russell Pkwy. I’ll be assuming you’re driving from the Atlanta airport, so south of Highway 247. GPS the “Museum of Aviation” and about 100 yards before you arrive at the MoA, exit right to Russell Gate. Note, Russell Gate closes at 2400 (0100 on Fri and Sat only) and opens up at 0430 on weekdays and 0500 on the weekends. Hours subject to change, check online for more specific hours!
Green Gate and MLK Gate are two other notable gates mainly for inbound and outbound traffic in the morning rush/afternoon rush.

• Notable Places on Base:

Bowling Alley: 908 Ninth Street (478-926-2112)
Fitness CenteBase Gym: 826 Eighth Street (478-926-9128)
Fitness Annex/24 Hour Gym: Bldg 301 (478-926-2840)
Finance: 236 Milledgeville Street Suite 526 (478-926-4022)
Heritage Club/Restaurant: 956 Ninth St (Various Numbers)
ITT/Outdoor Recreation: Bldg 984 (Located next to the Main BX) (478-926-4001)
Medical Clinic: 655 Seventh St (478-327-7850 Appointment Line)
MPF/MPS: 660 Macon St (478-327-5666)

• Notable Cities:

Warner Robins - The main city outside of Robins AFB is Warner Robins. WR will be referenced a lot while you are here at Robins. WR can be summed up in a few words as a small-sized southern city with churches and chain restaurants. The city consists of two main counties; Houston (pronounced “House Ton” and not “Hugh’s Town.” People will correct you on this!) and Peach County.
Macon - Located about 15 miles north of Robins AFB/Warner Robins. Macon has a lot of history and is nicknamed the “Heart of Georgia” because it is in the center of GA. Honestly IMO, Macon is pretty ghetto… What happened to Macon is similar to Detroit.. Both places were once thriving industrial cities until their main asset collapsed. You’ll see a lot of abandoned buildings when you drive to downtown Macon. It is pretty sad. There are some nice areas in Macon to visit though, like around Zebulon Road. I’d still recommend going downtown to eat at some nice mom and pop stores. Make sure to never go alone, however.
Savannah - Located about 2 ½ hours to 3 hours South-East/East of Robins. It is the #1 “Most Haunted” city in the United States apparently. It is really fun to visit. Eat seafood and go on some ghost tours while you’re there. The #3 Ice Cream Shop in the U.S. is in Savannah, Leopolds, if you love ice cream. The vibe can be described as a cross between Florida and South Carolina and “hipster-ish” thanks to SCAD there. Be prepared to walk a lot. Free parking on the weekends! Almost every store gives military discounts since there is an Army Base nearby. Give yourself 3 days and 2 nights to really have a grasp and enjoy Savannah.
Atlanta - The capital of GA and the place to be! It is located about 100 miles north of Robins which takes about 2 ½ hours to drive, thanks to the good ol’ Atlanta traffic! There is an abundant amount of things to do and sightsee that I will talk about later in this post.

• Food: For fellow Airmen who’ve been stationed here before, you can probably side with my next statement… And that is the food in WR.... can be described as average southern food with average hospitality across the board. There are some hidden/great gems in WMacon, however…

Owen’s Boarding House is one of my favorite mom and pop stores in WR and it's really close to the base for a quick lunch! Owen’s is an all-you-can-eat lunch-only southern restaurant, dig in those chicken wings! It’s about $10.50, cash only.
The Rookery, in downtown Macon, is one you’ll hear a lot of. It is an old southern/burger joint. The store has a fancy dining upstairs; The Dovetail, if you’re into that.
Martin's BBQ, I referenced it earlier as a good point to locate Robins AFB but it is also a popular BBQ!
WR really loves Mexican food, and so do I! Taco Shed is next to the Museum of Aviation, it is American Mexican food. Salsa’s which is a dining American Mexican restaurant. My Grandma’s Empanadas and Luis for more authentic Mexican food. Cuban Cafe sells pretty good Cuban food. Tacos and More, I wasn't a huge fan of it but one of the comments mentioned it and it does sell $1 tacos, try it out!
Wasn't a fan of Saigon Noodle in WR, its close to base, which is why I believe their portions are small for a Vietnamese place. Plus, the Pho soup has MSG!
Pho Saigon in Macon is great, however. Good portions, and no MSG in their soups!
Stir King is a nice American Chinese place which gives good portions. I am not a fan of the “Japanese” food in WR, better go to Atlanta for real sushi and ramen. Also… screw all of WR’s Hibachi restaurants.
I did not mention any corporate/franchise restaurants since you may already be familiar with them and only want to mention the mom n pop stores.

• Dorm Life: You will be assigned a dorm room with a suite-mate and will have to share a bathroom and kitchen. (Note, not all dorms have a kitchen.) You have to stay in the dorms for at least 3 years TIS and not TOS, which is good.

They’re also “Senior Airmen” dorms for Airmen who’ve stayed longer in the dorms. Essentially, a SrA dorm is a larger dorm with no suite-mate and no kitchen. If the dorms have no availability, Airmen with the longest TOS (Time-on-Station) will be allowed to leave early. You can ask regularly if the dorms are full and maybe you can leave ahead of others.
Certain circumstances can allow you to leave the dorms early such as being a mature age (like over the age of 30) or being married but your spouse is currently living elsewhere due to service, school, etc.
My personal experience: I lived in the dorms and I would describe the overall experience as “okay.” It can be hit or miss with a good suite-mate and your dorm might have mold in them... I didn’t though. Typically activities of dorm airmen include going clubbing, the gym, and/or playing video games. Overall, I enjoyed living in the dorms because of the access to network with other Airmen, not cooking my own food, because of the DEFAC, and friends were just close by.

• Housing: If you’re looking to buy/rent a house, make sure to DYOR and see it’s what you like. The BAH rate for the local area is... fair. If you choose to live by yourself you can make $100-200 extra a month based on where you choose to stay. Very common to find a roommate so you can start pocketing anywhere from $300 to $400.

I lived in Warner Robins after I moved off base from the dorms, and the area was okay. Generally speaking, the further you live off base, (and this goes for all military bases) the safer the environment becomes.
If you’re wanting to live in a nicer area and/or have kids. Look into living in cities Kathleen and/or Bonaire. The area and school system (like Houston County High School) is much nicer than the rest of the public school system.
Cities like Perry and Bryon have far commutes of at least 20 minutes but can be described as “rural” if like not knowing your neighbors.
IMO, please do yourself a favor and do not live off or near Green St. (Hint. It’s right off Green St Gate!) I would also not recommend living in Macon. Imma be real and say Macon is pretty ghetto in most parts of the city (unless you live off Zebulon Rd) and the commute to work is going to be at least 20 mins to work. Edit: Forgot to mention Riverside in Macon. It is still relatively new and the area is nice and so are the neighborhoods. The Riverside Mall is an outdoor mall, very safe and clean. Don't go to the Macon Mall, however.
Essentially, South-West of Warner Robins is the best place to live. Where Feagin Mill Rd and Highway 96 is.

• Base Housing: Base Housing has really tanked in the last few years, and I mean... the ABW Wing Commander, Command Chief, and multiple First Shirts were involved recently with Base Housing because living conditions have been subpar. Mold has been breaking out in some houses and maintenance work orders take weeks to a few months to resolve. Of course, this is only happening for the Turner Park residency (cough where the Enlisted stay cough) The Officers housing is very nice, however. Now, with that being said, it’s still a 3-month wait to get base housing because of the simplicity and not having to worry about finding a house, short commute to work, safety, etc.

Off Base Housing community is called Huntington Chase, it’s ghetto from what my co-workers have told me as they’ve gunshots go off frequently and cars are breaking into. Off-Base housing is open to civilians and not just military.

• Things To Do:

Coca Cola Factory - Entry is free for military (does not include dependents) and it is a nice place to go on a date. Try flavors of coke from around the world!
Aquarium - IMO, the experience felt it was geared towards children, I would only pay during special military days because $33 is not worth the visit!
Atlanta Zoo - Never been but it is another sight seeing opportunity.
Dragon Con - A.K.A. “Comic Con of the East.” Where 80k of your “best friends” come meet in a 4-day comic/pop culture/movie/ convention which spans across 5 hotels! Most people get turned off when they hear “comic” as they associate this con with sweaty nerds… Well, they aren’t wrong! But I can guarantee you’ll be missing out if you did not attend this con at least once while you’re at Robins. Even if you don’t love comics, movies, anime, or pop culture (who doesn’t like at least one of the 4?) you can open drink in public for the duration of the con! It is always during Labor Day weekend every year. And if you don’t mind paying for the price of a host hotel, they’re worth it. Good luck because they get booked fast!
Anime Weekend Atlanta - An Anime Con that specializes on having Japanese pop/rock stars to play in the con!
MomoCon - An Anime Con that specializes in 24hour gaming/arcade gaming for the entire weekend!
Ponce City Market - A hipster food and shopping market that used an abandoned factory as their shopping district. Please do yourself a favor and park in Ponce City Market’s parking and not try to get “free” parking from the plaza across the street. You’ll get a “boot” on your car when you come back and have to pay a fine… Ask me how I figured that out...
Caffeine and Octane - A huge car meet in Atlanta that meets regularly.
Mardi Gras: The drive to Louisiana is about 6 hours but I know some Airmen who made the trip to be there for Mardi Gras.
Florida: The drive will take at least 3 hours to cross the Florida border. Florida is fun, do I need to say more?
Professional Sports: Altanta Hawks, Braves, and Falcons! Look for special discounts near Veterans days like Hoops for Troops. The Falco
Don’t forget to check the ITT office for free or reduce price activities for “single Airmen!” Seriously, I’ve gone skydiving, deep sea fishing, paintballing, etc for free or reduced prices! 50% of Disney Park passes!
Obviously, there are more things to do than the list I provided, DYOR and maybe you’ll find a place and/or hidden gem you’ll love!

• Nightlife: Go to Downtown Macon for entry level clubs like the Crazy Bull. It’s free for the military to get in. They are always new clubs opening and small clubs closing. Try them all! First Fridays of the month are pretty lit. For the rest of the month, the clubs are kinda empty unless it's a special day like Halloween or St Patricks. Again, don’t go by yourself when you go to downtown Macon. If you and a couple of friends want a better club experience, carpool to Atlanta and go clubbing there. Other than that, there isn’t a strong club scene while being in Middle GA.
  
• Closing Thoughts:
  

A lot of your co-workers will most likely talk crap about Robins. Well, they’re probably the same salty Airmen who put Robins AFB, 9th, on their dream sheet and how trying to figure out how Eglin or Macdill wasn’t chosen even though it was #1 and #3 on their dream sheet. But even if they aren’t those types of Airmen.... Robins is one of those “what you make of it bases.”
You. Yes you, Airman, have to create your own experiences and be willing to leave your dorm and not be a dorm rat to make memories at Robins. This base isn’t centrally located to anything known for “fun” like all the bases in San Antonio, all Florida bases, Travis, Keesler and the casinos, etc. Even that hot A1C still has to make an effort to venture out and explore new roads and can’t rely on other people to do it for them.
“Robins-ism.” For whatever reason, “Robin-ism” is basically AFIs and the proper order of how to do things in the Air Force... does not apply the same for Robins. You’ll hear a lot of “that’s not how we did that at my last base.” People say it's because the amount of civilians outnumbers the military 3:1. And with that, if the civilians don’t like the AFI/protocol, it will slowly but surely die out and a “Robin-ism” method of how to do things soon takes over. I am not blaming the large civilian population, it is just what Airmen accept is the reason why some people on this base can be lazy at times.
Allergies. If you never experienced allergies or have in the past. Well, Warner Robins has a surprise for you... Seriously, you could potentially suffer from bad allergies.
I hope you found this review helpful if you're incoming to Robins whether it'd be a PCS or TDY, or if you just wanted to read my review.
Edit: Added more info.
Edit 2: I have since PCSed from Robins in 2020.

Hello Everyone,
This is my review of Robins AFB after living here for the past 5 years. Hope you find this helpful!

• Background of Robins: Robins AFB was created in the 1940s, it was named after Brig Gen Augustine Warner Robins. It is centrally located in Middle Georgia and is about 100 miles south of Atlanta. The mission and main reason why the base still exists today is because of the JSTARS radarecon aircraft. Plus, the base provides jobs to over 18K civilians and the city of Warner Robins would not exist if the base closed.
  
• Getting to Base:
  

If you’re familiar with using Google Map/GPS to help you get to a military base, it can be difficult to find an open gate without your GPS telling you to turn/U-Turn into a closed gate!
Put in your GPS, “Martin’s BBQ, 102 S Armed Forces Blvd, Warner Robins, GA 31088.” It will take you to Watson Blvd and to the only 24hr gate; Watson Gate. This is also the gate to get visitor passes for your friends/family.
The other gate you’ll be using a lot is Russell gate which is connected to Russell Pkwy. I’ll be assuming you’re driving from the Atlanta airport, so south of Highway 247. GPS the “Museum of Aviation” and about 100 yards before you arrive at the MoA, exit right to Russell Gate. Note, Russell Gate closes at 2400 (0100 on Fri and Sat only) and opens up at 0430 on weekdays and 0500 on the weekends. Hours subject to change, check online for more specific hours!
Green Gate and MLK Gate are two other notable gates mainly for inbound and outbound traffic in the morning rush/afternoon rush.

• Notable Places on Base:

Bowling Alley: 908 Ninth Street (478-926-2112)
Fitness CenteBase Gym: 826 Eighth Street (478-926-9128)
Fitness Annex/24 Hour Gym: Bldg 301 (478-926-2840)
Finance: 236 Milledgeville Street Suite 526 (478-926-4022)
Heritage Club/Restaurant: 956 Ninth St (Various Numbers)
ITT/Outdoor Recreation: Bldg 984 (Located next to the Main BX) (478-926-4001)
Medical Clinic: 655 Seventh St (478-327-7850 Appointment Line)
MPF/MPS: 660 Macon St (478-327-5666)

• Notable Cities:

Warner Robins - The main city outside of Robins AFB is Warner Robins. WR will be referenced a lot while you are here at Robins. WR can be summed up in a few words as a small-sized southern city with churches and chain restaurants. The city consists of two main counties; Houston (pronounced “House Ton” and not “Hugh’s Town.” People will correct you on this!) and Peach County.
Macon - Located about 15 miles north of Robins AFB/Warner Robins. Macon has a lot of history and is nicknamed the “Heart of Georgia” because it is in the center of GA. Honestly IMO, Macon is pretty ghetto… What happened to Macon is similar to Detroit.. Both places were once thriving industrial cities until their main asset collapsed. You’ll see a lot of abandoned buildings when you drive to downtown Macon. It is pretty sad. There are some nice areas in Macon to visit though, like around Zebulon Road. I’d still recommend going downtown to eat at some nice mom and pop stores. Make sure to never go alone, however.
Savannah - Located about 2 ½ hours to 3 hours South-East/East of Robins. It is the #1 “Most Haunted” city in the United States apparently. It is really fun to visit. Eat seafood and go on some ghost tours while you’re there. The #3 Ice Cream Shop in the U.S. is in Savannah, Leopolds, if you love ice cream. The vibe can be described as a cross between Florida and South Carolina and “hipster-ish” thanks to SCAD there. Be prepared to walk a lot. Free parking on the weekends! Almost every store gives military discounts since there is an Army Base nearby. Give yourself 3 days and 2 nights to really have a grasp and enjoy Savannah.
Atlanta - The capital of GA and the place to be! It is located about 100 miles north of Robins which takes about 2 ½ hours to drive, thanks to the good ol’ Atlanta traffic! There is an abundant amount of things to do and sightsee that I will talk about later in this post.

• Food: For fellow Airmen who’ve been stationed here before, you can probably side with my next statement… And that is the food in WR.... can be described as average southern food with average hospitality across the board. There are some hidden/great gems in WMacon, however…

Owen’s Boarding House is one of my favorite mom and pop stores in WR and it's really close to the base for a quick lunch! Owen’s is an all-you-can-eat lunch-only southern restaurant, dig in those chicken wings! It’s about $10.50, cash only.
The Rookery, in downtown Macon, is one you’ll hear a lot of. It is an old southern/burger joint. The store has a fancy dining upstairs; The Dovetail, if you’re into that.
Martin's BBQ, I referenced it earlier as a good point to locate Robins AFB but it is also a popular BBQ!
WR really loves Mexican food, and so do I! Taco Shed is next to the Museum of Aviation, it is American Mexican food. Salsa’s which is a dining American Mexican restaurant. My Grandma’s Empanadas and Luis for more authentic Mexican food. Cuban Cafe sells pretty good Cuban food. Tacos and More, I wasn't a huge fan of it but one of the comments mentioned it and it does sell $1 tacos, try it out!
Wasn't a fan of Saigon Noodle in WR, its close to base, which is why I believe their portions are small for a Vietnamese place. Plus, the Pho soup has MSG!
Pho Saigon in Macon is great, however. Good portions, and no MSG in their soups!
Stir King is a nice American Chinese place which gives good portions. I am not a fan of the “Japanese” food in WR, better go to Atlanta for real sushi and ramen. Also… screw all of WR’s Hibachi restaurants.
I did not mention any corporate/franchise restaurants since you may already be familiar with them and only want to mention the mom n pop stores.

• Dorm Life: You will be assigned a dorm room with a suite-mate and will have to share a bathroom and kitchen. (Note, not all dorms have a kitchen.) You have to stay in the dorms for at least 3 years TIS and not TOS, which is good.

They’re also “Senior Airmen” dorms for Airmen who’ve stayed longer in the dorms. Essentially, a SrA dorm is a larger dorm with no suite-mate and no kitchen. If the dorms have no availability, Airmen with the longest TOS (Time-on-Station) will be allowed to leave early. You can ask regularly if the dorms are full and maybe you can leave ahead of others.
Certain circumstances can allow you to leave the dorms early such as being a mature age (like over the age of 30) or being married but your spouse is currently living elsewhere due to service, school, etc.
My personal experience: I lived in the dorms and I would describe the overall experience as “okay.” It can be hit or miss with a good suite-mate and your dorm might have mold in them... I didn’t though. Typically activities of dorm airmen include going clubbing, the gym, and/or playing video games. Overall, I enjoyed living in the dorms because of the access to network with other Airmen, not cooking my own food, because of the DEFAC, and friends were just close by.

• Housing: If you’re looking to buy/rent a house, make sure to DYOR and see it’s what you like. The BAH rate for the local area is... fair. If you choose to live by yourself you can make $100-200 extra a month based on where you choose to stay. Very common to find a roommate so you can start pocketing anywhere from $300 to $400.

I lived in Warner Robins after I moved off base from the dorms, and the area was okay. Generally speaking, the further you live off base, (and this goes for all military bases) the safer the environment becomes.
If you’re wanting to live in a nicer area and/or have kids. Look into living in cities Kathleen and/or Bonaire. The area and school system (like Houston County High School) is much nicer than the rest of the public school system.
Cities like Perry and Bryon have far commutes of at least 20 minutes but can be described as “rural” if like not knowing your neighbors.
IMO, please do yourself a favor and do not live off or near Green St. (Hint. It’s right off Green St Gate!) I would also not recommend living in Macon. Imma be real and say Macon is pretty ghetto in most parts of the city (unless you live off Zebulon Rd) and the commute to work is going to be at least 20 mins to work. Edit: Forgot to mention Riverside in Macon. It is still relatively new and the area is nice and so are the neighborhoods. The Riverside Mall is an outdoor mall, very safe and clean. Don't go to the Macon Mall, however.
Essentially, South-West of Warner Robins is the best place to live. Where Feagin Mill Rd and Highway 96 is.

• Base Housing: Base Housing has really tanked in the last few years, and I mean... the ABW Wing Commander, Command Chief, and multiple First Shirts were involved recently with Base Housing because living conditions have been subpar. Mold has been breaking out in some houses and maintenance work orders take weeks to a few months to resolve. Of course, this is only happening for the Turner Park residency (cough where the Enlisted stay cough) The Officers housing is very nice, however. Now, with that being said, it’s still a 3-month wait to get base housing because of the simplicity and not having to worry about finding a house, short commute to work, safety, etc.

Off Base Housing community is called Huntington Chase, it’s ghetto from what my co-workers have told me as they’ve gunshots go off frequently and cars are breaking into. Off-Base housing is open to civilians and not just military.

• Things To Do:

Coca Cola Factory - Entry is free for military (does not include dependents) and it is a nice place to go on a date. Try flavors of coke from around the world!
Aquarium - IMO, the experience felt it was geared towards children, I would only pay during special military days because $33 is not worth the visit!
Atlanta Zoo - Never been but it is another sight seeing opportunity.
Dragon Con - A.K.A. “Comic Con of the East.” Where 80k of your “best friends” come meet in a 4-day comic/pop culture/movie/ convention which spans across 5 hotels! Most people get turned off when they hear “comic” as they associate this con with sweaty nerds… Well, they aren’t wrong! But I can guarantee you’ll be missing out if you did not attend this con at least once while you’re at Robins. Even if you don’t love comics, movies, anime, or pop culture (who doesn’t like at least one of the 4?) you can open drink in public for the duration of the con! It is always during Labor Day weekend every year. And if you don’t mind paying for the price of a host hotel, they’re worth it. Good luck because they get booked fast!
Anime Weekend Atlanta - An Anime Con that specializes on having Japanese pop/rock stars to play in the con!
MomoCon - An Anime Con that specializes in 24hour gaming/arcade gaming for the entire weekend!
Ponce City Market - A hipster food and shopping market that used an abandoned factory as their shopping district. Please do yourself a favor and park in Ponce City Market’s parking and not try to get “free” parking from the plaza across the street. You’ll get a “boot” on your car when you come back and have to pay a fine… Ask me how I figured that out...
Caffeine and Octane - A huge car meet in Atlanta that meets regularly.
Mardi Gras: The drive to Louisiana is about 6 hours but I know some Airmen who made the trip to be there for Mardi Gras.
Florida: The drive will take at least 3 hours to cross the Florida border. Florida is fun, do I need to say more?
Professional Sports: Altanta Hawks, Braves, and Falcons! Look for special discounts near Veterans days like Hoops for Troops. The Falco
Don’t forget to check the ITT office for free or reduce price activities for “single Airmen!” Seriously, I’ve gone skydiving, deep sea fishing, paintballing, etc for free or reduced prices! 50% of Disney Park passes!
Obviously, there are more things to do than the list I provided, DYOR and maybe you’ll find a place and/or hidden gem you’ll love!

• Nightlife: Go to Downtown Macon for entry level clubs like the Crazy Bull. It’s free for the military to get in. They are always new clubs opening and small clubs closing. Try them all! First Fridays of the month are pretty lit. For the rest of the month, the clubs are kinda empty unless it's a special day like Halloween or St Patricks. Again, don’t go by yourself when you go to downtown Macon. If you and a couple of friends want a better club experience, carpool to Atlanta and go clubbing there. Other than that, there isn’t a strong club scene while being in Middle GA.
  
• Closing Thoughts:
  

A lot of your co-workers will most likely talk crap about Robins. Well, they’re probably the same salty Airmen who put Robins AFB, 9th, on their dream sheet and how trying to figure out how Eglin or Macdill wasn’t chosen even though it was #1 and #3 on their dream sheet. But even if they aren’t those types of Airmen.... Robins is one of those “what you make of it bases.”
You. Yes you, Airman, have to create your own experiences and be willing to leave your dorm and not be a dorm rat to make memories at Robins. This base isn’t centrally located to anything known for “fun” like all the bases in San Antonio, all Florida bases, Travis, Keesler and the casinos, etc. Even that hot A1C still has to make an effort to venture out and explore new roads and can’t rely on other people to do it for them.
“Robins-ism.” For whatever reason, “Robin-ism” is basically AFIs and the proper order of how to do things in the Air Force... does not apply the same for Robins. You’ll hear a lot of “that’s not how we did that at my last base.” People say it's because the amount of civilians outnumbers the military 3:1. And with that, if the civilians don’t like the AFI/protocol, it will slowly but surely die out and a “Robin-ism” method of how to do things soon takes over. I am not blaming the large civilian population, it is just what Airmen accept is the reason why some people on this base can be lazy at times.
Allergies. If you never experienced allergies or have in the past. Well, Warner Robins has a surprise for you... Seriously, you could potentially suffer from bad allergies.
I hope you found this review helpful if you're incoming to Robins whether it'd be a PCS or TDY, or if you just wanted to read my review.
Edit: Added more info.

So, you wanna go to SHOT show? You think it's all fun and games? Get to play with guns? See Jesse James and R. Lee Ermey? SHOT show is the annual pilgrimage of the unwashed masses to Las Vegas to rub elbows with youtube celebrities, bloggers and overseas businessmen copying US made equipment and share infectious disease.
If you love guns, gambling and gonorrhea - SHOT show is for you! It is not my typical idea of a good time. I am not a big fan of Las Vegas.
However: I do attend for a few reasons. First, I do enjoy travel and I'm platinum on AA so I can usually score an upgrade. Second, industry people are in there that I do hundreds of thousands if not millions of dollars with business with so it's nice to put a face with the name and see what deals are out there. SHOT for me has been a bust for the past few years. Being a value guy, I want to buy at $1000 and sell at $3000 and as of recently the gun business is more like buy for $1 and sell for $1.10 if you get what I mean.
We used to do business at SHOT and now it's just checking in on foursquare, instagram and rubbing elbows with bloggers and the like. I want to make money, not spend money so this is very annoying to me.
Anyways, onto the play by play.
Monday, January 22nd. One day before SHOT show.
The TSA line is a shitshow thanks to, well TSA. I have pre check and breeze right through.
I slog my way to the lounge, as shitty as it is to wait for my winged chariot to DFW. I have gone from being in an abusive relationship with Delta to being in an abusive relationship with AA. Although if you really want to experience the battered spouse feeling, UA is a few gates over.
I board my flight to Dallas/FW and my Renton assembled chariot is having a problem with one of the ring laser gyros, the hate agent tells us we are delayed for an indeterminate amount of time. Even as an AA Plat, I have no cleared upgrades. I am number 4 on the list with one seat open to Dallas/FW. I am 39/61 for Dallas/FW to LAX.
Fuck my life.
I gate check my bags to make life easier for me and the rest of the folks slumming it. If I don't have to worry about being short on time, I like to gate check to free up bins for those who are not as fortunate. Eventually I board and ask the FA to say hi to the captain and get a ride report. Light chop all over north texas today and we're going to take the long way around the field due to wind.
Me: I guess it's true. Dallas always does seem to blow a little harder in the postseason...
CA: Hahhahaha
FO: You got that right! Go eagles!
Having brightened the day of the flight crew, I head back to my MCE seat in Y and kick back and relax by listening to my Rumours, my favorite fleetwood mac album on my ipod.
We land at Dallas an hour and a half late eating into my 4 hour spa layover I had planned. I hightail it to the Centurion lounge in terminal D, my home away from home. Thankfully I don't need a massage since I brought my friend Laura some homemade chocolate rice crispy squares and she gave me a one hour massage and gave me a happy ending.
I grab a plate and help myself to some of the excellent chicken and some mashed red potatoes and bacon It is cheesy and DELICIOUS. Between that and the poblano rice, I can feel it going straight to my thighs. No, I do not care. NOM NOM NOM
https://imgur.com/a/WBcyd
The lounge is packed. The bar is full and I grab a quick single malt as I have my meal since American's not going to feed me. They begin boarding to LAX as I walk out of the lounge. I make it to the gate and the entire plane has boarded because the screens say they are boarding group 9.
Giving the FA a friendly nod, I ask to say hi to the captain and I stride through J and say hello to the two gentlemen flying today. Aviation nerd protip: CHECK YOUR ROUTING!
I didn't, but I had a hunch since arriving from the east we'd get the ANJLL 1 or the HLYWD 1 arrival. I got a 50/50 shot. Let's see how good I am.
Drop my bags at the threshold, poke my head in.
Me: Howdy guys, we still looking good for the Hollywood 1 tonight?
CA: Man, you did your homework yes we are! GABBL transition as a matter of fact!
Damn I'm good.
FC: Nice! I know you guys take a rash of crap from drunk Parker so I like to say hello to the folks who do the heavy lifting and I'm a total airplane dork so it's cool to check the place out.
CA: I'm an airplane dork too! I'm Jeff Rowland, nice to meet ya!
SUPER nice guy. He gave me a tour of the airplane, even took a picture of me in the left seat.
https://imgur.com/a/xVIy6
Here he is showing me some stuff around the airplane. He gives me the grand tour of the 787-9 including this neat feature that actually measures how many G's they have on landing so they know whether or not they need an overweight landing inspection or not. AMAZING airplane. I'm shown all the bells and whistles and they tell me how fun the plane is to fly. Jeff takes a few pics of me in the best seat of the house. I tell the guys I'll see them at the in and out burger on Sepuldeva and I hike back to my seat in W.
The FA's were wondering where I was, and they gave away my assigned seat. I take an empty center aisle seat and make life easier for everyone. W in the 787-9 is a solid hard product. The BE Aerospace MI-Q seat is a good ride whether in it for 3 hours to LAX or 13 to CDG like I was in a few months ago. https://imgur.com/a/iPHVh
The boarding door closes for an on time departure and I watch another airplane movie - American Made with Tom Cruise. He's so dreamy. Jeff's PA's were really lame and had a whole bunch of people laughing in the back on the way to LA. The flight was not long enough. The landing is a perfect grease job on 24L and we await a tug to get towed into gate 41 at LAX. I say thanks again to the flight crew - worthy of note, http://andystravelblog.boardingarea.com/2018/01/29/pilots-lette
My next hop via a 737 to LAS is uneventful. I stop at the Centurion lounge for some freshly squeezed OJ. It is DELICIOUS as AA's app tells me my bags are being unloaded.
I grab my things and hop in the last car Hertz has in the gold section - a 2016 Toyota Corolla. Times are rough. I'm at Circus Circus again. I check in and tell the lady about the last time I was there with the neighbors and the extremely loud sex. Full story: tail end of this - https://www.reddit.com/guns/comments/5podeq/shot_2017my_tales_of_adventure_in_las_vegas/
She damn near busts a gut laughing and upgrades me to a skyrise room and gives me a line pass and complimentary buffet.
I arrive to my room where housekeeping has not cleaned it to my exacting specifications. Specifically, there are like three hairballs from a cat in the chair next to the desk. I ask for another room and they set it up for me. It's now 1AM. In and out burger is closed.
Fuck.
Tuesday, January 23rd SHOT Show Day One
You gotta get into the palazzo garage before 8AM or you are not getting a spot. I get in at 8:01 and miraculously find a spot. They are doing so much construction at the resort that I don't recognize it. I grab my pass and check in with some other industry associates. My first day is semi-eventful as I check out the sig 365, a very promising concealed carry product as well as a few other really neat things and many many useless items.
I run into u/chugbleach in the basement and we trade stories. He shows me some neat stuff he's been working on. We plan to dine later in the week and I continue walking the show when I see the most amazing booth ever.
Backstory: https://www.reddit.com/guns/comments/7ag6oj/gsg_stg_44/dp9u9hw/
I let fluff buy the hook, he posts $120 to win $100 if he gets his HMG gun by the end of Q1. If gun arrives on time, he gets $100 from me. If no, I get $120 from him.
I walk back to chug.
FC: DUDE DUDE DUDE YOU GOTTA SEE THIS COME QUICK
CB: Okay lets go
We walk briskly not 100 feet. I stop quickly. Chug looks confused.
I gesticulate wildly to our right.
This is what we see.
I crack up laughing and can barely contain myself. This is the greatest thing I have seen in weeks.
On that note it is time to take a break for lunch. I head up to one of my vendors who has a hospitality suite for the show and they are serving jambalaya for lunch every day. As a Louisiana boy, we do love jambalaya. There's a reason I spend lots of money with them. I eat and have a coke as I trade gun jokes with other gun dealers. I wander around the show and nothing else jumps at me.
I walk the footbridge over to the Wynn to see how the house is doing. The poker room is full. I draw $2500 from my credit line and head down to the craps table to throw some dice. I have some mixed success as it's getting late and I want to hit the in and out burger so as I'm getting ready to leave, Laura sends me a bunch of filthy text messages about what she wants to do to me when I get back. My chips and raging boner leave the tables quickly as I duck into the bathroom to tell her that if she wants to treat me like a prisoner on a conjugal visit - I went to 8 years of catholic school, she's entering a world of pain. She says game on.
After a quick trip to the cage to cash out, I'm up or down something like $100. I swing by in and out burger for a double double. It is delicious. Sleepy time.
Wednesday, January 24th. Day 2 of SHOT show.
Alarm goes off at 7:45 AM. I wash up, eat and get breakfast. In the garage by 8:15. Still manage to find a spot! Attendance is down this year. I get in line at Larue. They run out of dillo dust at 8:39. This is the line at 8:35 https://imgur.com/a/KLHrg
The show opens at 8:30. Fuck my life. I grab a dillo and some stickers for some friends and a few HK calendars. I wander around and talk to the guys over at Franklin Armory and their new SBR that isn't an SBR, SBS that isn't an SBS and rifle that isn't really a rifle BUT IS STILL A FIREARM. The projectiles they want to sell have fin stabilization and it's like a 55 grain flying Lombardi trophy. It's an interesting idea but I'm not 100% certain I would buy one personally. I trade war stories with a few other friends I meet up with at the show. I head down to the basement and I'm looking at a few accessories from Tactical Walls.
Just as I'm ready to leave - Joe Mantegna shows up and says hi to the reps.
FC: Mr Mantegna! I love your work! Can I get a picture?
JM: Sure.
Someone grabs my phone and snaps a pic
FC: You are great in the simpsons as Fat Tony. Just the best!
JM: (in fat tony voice) I don't get mad. I get stabby.
FC: That's awesome! Thanks! Enjoy the show!
I send the pics to some friends who enjoy snappy Mamet plays and they are all jealous. I head down to the basement. The ATF booth is vacant due to the government shutdown. So is the FBI booth. Oh well. I head upstairs to the manufacturer supplier section and I find out that Olympic Arms is still in business making things. I do a lap and get some business cards from some precision machine companies that can make some elaborate parts. Jambalaya again for lunch. Nom nom nom.
I head down to FN to talk shop with the guys down there and give them shit. FN's new innovation is a two tone FDE/Black gun. So now 50% of the gun does not have to match. I trade barbs with Mike Hoffman and we debate the age old question, is it really gay if you can suck your own cock? Just as I mention this, Steve Bannon shows up at the booth. That's my stop. I say hello to the director of commercial sales on my way out and go to the Knights booth where I find they're making 6.5 Creed stuff now. Interesting how quickly that cartridge has caught on. I talk shop with a few of the KAC guys and then I steal some more HK Kalendars for friends back home.
I hit the Circus Circus buffet with my free pass for the unpleasantness and it is not that great at all. They ran out of roast beef. I mean, really? SHOT SHOW IS IN TOWN! We are beef eating gun owners, and you're gonna run out of roast beef? This would never happen at the Wynn, an amazing property. I make a mental note to sell my MGM Mirage stock and buy some Wynn in the morning. I head back to the craps table and lose a shitload of money. I witness a heater happen after I color up and watch people go nuts. My luck at MGM properties has not been good. Ugh. I don't feel like doing gunnit live and head to sleep early.
Thursday, January 25th. Day 3 of SHOT show.
I message Chug and let him know that it's gotta be tonight if we're gonna hang since I fly out Friday night for Boston. We plan to make plans for dinner. I head to the show and get there at 3 minutes to 8. One of my best customers calls me wanting an XM2010. I head over to Remington and through some finagling they manage to say YES WE CAN SELL IT EVEN THOUGH WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO SELL IT. I work up a quote and get the customer the info and tell him what's what. I visit the nighthawk custom booth where they have a new gun chambered in .45 APC.
https://imgur.com/a/9bNe7
I kid with a few FBI guys about their attention to detail. I saunter about the show. Leatherman Tool Group always has some nice things to play with. Tim Leatherman is engraving tools for people with his autograph. I'm happy with all of his products I own and I stop by to shake his hand and tell him that my wave has saved my ass on a hundred different occasions and I once resurrected a Ford off the side of the road. He says he loves hearing the stories and he's a pretty nice guy.
I wander about a little more and I find myself over at the Emerson Knife Company booth looking around.
For those not in the know, Emerson has a bunch of specwar types as customers. Damn good knives and operator customers. One of them is behind the table wearing a badge that says JOHN SMITH - JOHN SMITH INC. He's got arms that are as thick as my legs and he looks like a Navy Seal. He bolts upright from his seat and looks at my wrist.
"Is that a 1675?"
FC: Sure is! Damn good eye! My dad won it in an underground poker game in Hong Kong in 1968 from a couple of navy guys on shore leave that flew F4's off Dixie Station.
"Holy crap, that's fucking awesome!"
We talk watches and guns and killing people for a while. He says he's in the navy and the budweiser insignia necklace he is wearing tells me everything I need to know. Nice guy. I wonder what his real name is as the show closes down and as I walk out the magpul booth gives me a laugh. A paper sign on the door says "DOOR IS LOUD AF CLOSE GENTLY"
I'm not kidding - https://imgur.com/a/GgSkU
I head over to Chug's hotel and he gives me the grand tour. It's way nicer than my hotel. We go out and have dinner. I'm asked if I like Thai.
FC: Tie good, you like shirt?
Nobody gets my simpsons jokes. We go to dinner where a good time is had by all. Chug gets a call and needs to drop off a SHOT show pass to a co-worker of his flying in. As opposed to all the mechanics of a dead drop at the palazzo etc I tell him fuck it, just give it to me and I'll pick him up from the airport. In exchange, I tell him I want all the leftover chicken wings from the Thai place.
It's a deal. I grab the wings and head to McCarran. There's a guy in a BRZ hauling ass and I decide to see what this shitbox can do. I get the Corolla up to 115 MPH on the highway before backing down to a more sensible speed. After 5 minutes of MARCO / POLO I find the fellow and give him his shot show pass and a ride to his hotel. I find it funny that last year I ran an unapproved uber substitute and here we are again and the same thing is happening. I'm offered gas money or a beer after the show and I tell him hey, it's your first time at SHOT - enjoy the show, don't sweat it.
I hightail it up the strip to the Palazzo where I play a bit and eventually see a heater in progress. I split the 6/8 for $120 each and they hit. I press it and they hit again. Maybe this won't be a bad trip after all. Table craps out and I cash out still down a few bucks but better than when I started.
By the time I make it back to the room, it's 4AM. I eat the chicken wings. They're delicious.
Friday, January 26th. Day 4 of SHOT show.
I've gotten most of what I want to get done, done. I ordered some Firearm Instructor body armor from one of my guys since lots of people want me dead first thing in the AM and things were going good. I sleep in and debate what I want for breakfast when I realize things are going a little too good. Nothing really bad has happened this trip yet. I pack up and get ready to leave the hotel when I get a push notification.
MOTHERFUCKER
My flight to Boston has been canceled.
My confirmed first class seats on one of the hardest to upgrade legs in the entire AA route network - LAX to BOS, gone. AA proactively books me on the flight leaving LA a few hours later IN COACH. A middle seat, even. No, just no. I call American and they tell me the plane is broken. Damnit. I look on the app for acceptable reroutings and there is nothing available in first. I say fuck it, I'll deal with this shit later. I have the rental car until midnight, lots of time to make a new plan. I check out of the hotel, throw my bags in the car and head down to the show and it's a freaking ghost town. Parking spaces everywhere. I say bye to a few folks as my phone sends me a notification. WSJ: STEVE WYNN ACCUSED OF DECADES OF SEXUAL MISCONDUCT
Oh FUCK MY LIFE. I bought the stock back on Wednesday. GODDAMNIT STEVE WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT
I skip lunch and walk across the street to the Wynn and their corporate office.
You see, I have a simple theory. If the allegations are false, they should have no problem sending someone out to listen to my concerns and say the allegations are false and here's everything we're doing to fight it. If the allegations are true, they'll send down hired goons to throw me out the door.
It's sorta like spousal infidelity. If A finds evidence of B cheating, credit card statements, sexts, racy pictures, etc - and A confronts B and B admits it and says I want a divorce, B is guilty. If B says A is cheating on them what the fuck are you doing looking at my credit card statements and phone you're the one that's wrong and invading my privacy get the fuck out of my house - B is really guilty.
That's the theory. If they go full retard and bounce me off the property, the stock is probably going to go down some more. If they address the concerns, things should not be as bad.
Since I walked through the property the last time I was in town, I knew where the corporate office was. The name on my broker statement says WYNN RESPORTS and so did the sign on the doors. I walk through the doors and to the end of the hallway where there's another electronically locked door that is unlocked.
There's a security guard who is nonplussed sitting at a desk wondering if I'm lost. I explain to him that I'm a shareholder and I want to know what this company is doing about this catastrophe. He says he can't say/do anything and I'm instructed to leave. I ask him if he can take a message. He says yes, and I'm like you just said you can't do anything. So what's that supposed to mean?
I argue with him about what he supposedly can and cannot do as I eat raspberry macrons that have been plated at the reception area of the corporate office. THESE BETTER BE THE BEST FUCKING MACARONS I HAVE EVER EATEN GODDAMNIT. They are. Fuck.
He tells me that my best bet is to talk to someone else at the resort, not him. Fine.
I leave and head to the concierge desk - because from one concierge to another, we can solve problems. I explain the situation and instead of routing me to the press office or investor relations - they give me a phone and tell me to speak to guest services. AKA the people that help you with your stay as a guest of the hotel. I give the lady taking the message about 15 minutes worth of comments and she's assured me that they'll be passed along to management.
Given the circumstances I think that's the best I'm going to do today. Now, there's the issue of me being stuck in vegas for another night. I look down at my phone and AA has offered three itineraries flying out of McCarran tomorrow IN FIRST CLASS that gets me to Boston in a timely fashion. I jump on the 625AM flight to Charlotte. This means I need to be at the car rental by 525AM and out the door around 0430. Fuck my life. And I have nowhere to sleep/showeshit/shave.
As I'm walking back to the esplanade to cross back over to the Palazzo where my car is, I notice the registration desk. I get in line and a lovely lady asks what she can do for me.
I tell her that I'm a shareholder and I'm pretty mad about the way the company is handling their sex offender in chief. And given the $18 haircut I took on the stock today, if there's an angry shareholder discount on a room tonight I think that would be more than fair given the circumstances. She agrees and gets me a bottle of water and the manager. The manager asks me if I've stayed at the hotel before, the answer is yes and asks to see my ID so she can see if she can plug me in at a repeat guest rate.
A few minutes go by and I wait patiently at the desk when I'm tapped on the shoulder.
There's two former NFL linebackers, one with his back towards me and the other introducing himself as the director of security.
Hmmm. Lets see. For those not in the know, there's only one exit in and out of the wynn registration desk.
If there's two bodies on me, there's gotta be at least two more at each side of the wall behind it that I can't see, I figure 4 sets of eyes running the eye in the sky all with their eyes glued to the monitors, the director of security is holding my ID which means he's already got my play, my comps, my markers, run me through central credit, my red card, he's got metro running me for wants/warrants and there's probably an unmarked metro ford next to a service exit with an open door and a seat reserved for me in the back.
I look down at my watch. The market is closed. I can't sell. Fuck. Because there is no way in hell this stock is holding $180 monday morning.
Quickly, I bang out a message to my brother letting him know I am about to be arrested at the Wynn and to start googling Las Vegas bail bonds.
The two security guys tell me to step away from the front desk and they want to know what the hell I'm doing. I tell them I want answers from the management of this company about how they're handling this disaster. They say I can't just walk into a casino corporate office and ask to speak to someone.
Well, I just did. Why can't I?
They said it represents a major security risk and a breach of their perimeter. After all, Mr. Wynn takes his security at the hotel very seriously.
Me: I suppose if I were a sex offender with hired goons, I'd take my security seriously too. And if you really didn't want people going back there - last time I checked, this is a casino. The doors have locks. Perhaps you should have oh I don't know, locked them?
Wynn Security: What makes you think you can just walk in here and talk to us like that?
Me: I'm a stockholder. Technically you work for me.
Wynn Security: You honestly expect that a big company like us is going to send someone out of the corporate office to talk to a guy like you about a thing like this? That never happens in corporate america.
Me: That's strange. Michael Moore did exactly that and that's what made him famous. What's your point?
We bantered in the registration area of the Wynn for something like an hour and 45 minutes as the director of security wandered back and forth. They never backed down with the questions and I never backed down from the answers. A lot of casino security is former law enforcement so they're looking for that time you change your story like on an episode of cops. For instance, if it was cops it would go like
Cop: who's drugs are these?
1: Never seen em before
fast forward 2 min
1: I mean my friend smokes pot, maybe it's his
Cop: I thought you said you never seen em before?
fast forward 2 min
1: So I smoke a little pot okay
Cop: I thought you said it might be your friends pot?
fast forward 2 min
1: yeah it's my pot
They were looking for a reason to throw me out and as far as I can tell, they probably still are. I'm sorta expecting a registered letter in the mail barring me from the property in a week. If I start yelling, it's disorderly conduct and they have a case. If start pushing someone around, same thing. But if I speak candidly and gesticulate wildly and raise cogent points about how every single hotel employee I've dealt with thus far owns a combined total of zero shares in the company - they have no skin in the game and I do. So, they can't really criticize my opinion as wrong because I'm the stockholder not them. At least, that's my opinion. I could be wrong.
Well, the goons disagreed with me and said I was wrong. They also said that this could have been accomplished with a phone call. I said no, because you wouldn't take a phone call seriously. And now you're taking this seriously. So, match point: FC.
They didn't like that. It would not surprise me in the least if Steve Wynn was in the security booth with a radio telling his guys to find some reason to arrest me and have me sent to Clark County booking. This guy just feels guilty as sin. I can't prove it but my gut has usually been right about this sort of thing.
As I'm waiting for my inevitable arrest and booking, I wonder if American Airlines will allow me another flight change due to temporary incarceration. Because there's no way I'll be able to leave the state with an ROR or a signature bond out. I look over at Mean Joe Greene Jr and tell him I was too angry to eat lunch and I'd like to have a seat before my blood sugar crashes and my head hits the floor and Steve sends me a bill for the shattered italian marble.
He gestures towards a chair in the reception area and I have a sit. He offers to bring me another water. I decline. He brings me a water anyways. I consume both the waters as compliments of the house as a sign of untoward cooperation.
Out of the corner of my eye I see the director of security talking to two metro PD guys with handcuffs out. I hear over the radio they're asking for a rover to take me down to the security office for fingerprinting and photographs. He is gesticulating wildly.
The director of security comes back over and he tries to get me to crack on my story. I tell him I'm here as a shareholder as a private citizen demanding accountability of the management. I will not apologize for walking through an unlocked door to the corporate office asking to speak to someone to hear out my concerns, I will not apologize for going to the concierge since the previous person was very unhelpful and I will not apologize for expecting the highest standards of a fortune 1000 company chairman and CEO. And until you pony up and buy some stock, I'm not about to take a lecture about what is and isn't acceptable behavior from people who don't have skin in the game protecting what should be by all accounts a registered sex offender.
He looks back at Metro PD.
They shrug.
They've got nothing chargeable on me.
Hell, I'm not even counting cards this time.
Next thing I know he quickly walks away and returns with a late 20's hispanic fellow who introduces himself as the hotel manager. He says that he's gotten a report from security and that Mr. Wynn's private life he cannot comment on but the concerns I have will be sent up towards management.
FC: So you're the hotel manager? So you report to Matt Maddox. You tell him that this is a mess. Nobody comes back from this sort of thing. Not Harvey Weinstein. Not Louis CK. Not Matt Lauer. Not Bill O'Reilly. Not Bill Cosby. Not Kevin Spacey. Not Charlie Rose. Not Al Franken. And the LAST time this happened at Mirage, a shareholder revolt wound up sending the company into the hands of MGM. What's to stop Sheldon from across the street from doing the same thing? You tell them that.
The manager nods and offers me a room at a rate, inclusive of resort fee and taxes of $335/night. I take out my phone, look at the Hotel Tonight app and realize that I'm being charged more money than if I were to book the room from a consolidator.
Now, I don't mind the lie about understanding where I'm coming from. I do mind the insult to my intelligence. I am handed back my ID and the hotel manager offers his business card. I take his business card and go over to the cage. I close my credit line and take my deposit out of the cage. I'm down for the trip. Fuck this shit, I'll deal with it later. I call my brother and tell him that I've been released. We look at some flights and to get back to Boston will require another night in Las Vegas. Everything leaving tonight is full due to the conventions closing up.
AA has some seats open in first via Charlotte and Philly, I take the Charlotte flight leaving at 6:30 AM from McCarran and they confirm me seats in first all the way to Logan. This is the only thing to go right today. I purchase some clean clothes since I will not have time to do laundry in Boston anymore due to the delay and head over to the palace station oyster bar. The wait is about 2 hours but I make some friends in line while I'm there. I am torn between the alaskan chowder and the bouillabaisse. I ask Steve behind the bar what he thinks is best. He says do the bouillabaisse. I tell him that sounds excellent, and to add extra lobster. I ask him how long, he says could be 30 minutes but check back in 20. I tell him I'm gonna go hit the tables and I'll be back in 20. The timer on my phone begins counting down.
I belly up to the nearest craps table and I drop my cash down. I tell them I want it in black and red and the croupier complies. I bet the 6/8 split with mixed success and the pass line with odds. The shooter misses the point. I look down at my dwindling stack of chips and there's 15 minutes left.
Fuck it. Go big or go home. Lets get this shit over with. The point comes off. I drop $100 on the pass line. New shooter gets the dice and the come out roll hits a 10.
I look at the gal with the whip. I throw her a stack of chips.
FC: Full odds on the ten, $200 hard way, give me all the numbers and a nickel c and e.
New shooter proceeds to hit every number on the board, midnight, yo and a speed limit. Pass line pays even money. Pass odds pays 2-1. I'm looking down at a big stack of chips. What the fuck just happened?
I drop $100 on the pass line again, the point comes out for an 8. I take full odds and all the numbers. New shooter hits every number on the board, midnight, yo, except the 8. The guy next to me has the all or nothing at all working so the only thing left to hit is the 8 and it's gonna pay 175:1. The 8 does not hit. Everyone is chasing the 8'er from Decatur.
I look down at my stack and the table limit and the boxman.
FC: hey Joe, what's the juice on laying the 8?
Joe: 5 points!
I take down my pass line odds.
FC: I want everything off and I'll lay the 8 for a dime.
Everyone at the table looks at me like I'm a lunatic. I slide over two purple chips and two green for the vig.
Time remaining until bouillabaisse: 8 minutes.
Lets see what happens. The dice bang around a bunch of more times. I'm ahead for this trip. Way ahead. Next thing I know, the gal with the whip calls no roll. One of the dies have left the table.
Time remaining until bouillabaisse: 4 minutes.
This is my stop.
FC: Take down my lay, and I'll color up.
The boxman colors me up, I leave a nice tip for the crew and start to walk over to the cage to cash in. I hear screaming and profanity, I turn around and I see the dealers stacking chips. The shooter has 7'd out.
Time remaining until bouillabaisse: 2 minutes.
There's a long line at the cage. I walk back to the oyster bar and I see a big bowl with a plate covering it. Steve behind the bar has thought of everything.
I turn the plate over and look down at my stack of chips. Maybe today won't be so bad after all.
https://imgur.com/a/bjK7R
The bouillabaisse is delicious. The win is even more delicious. I nom my way to the bottom of the bowl and settle up the bill. I leave Steve a nice tip as I head over to the Palazzo to say hi to some friends. I find myself at a craps table you can hang meat upon. This is not good. It's getting late and I head over to my room at the Mandalay Bay.
Now, here's the fucked up part. This girl I've been hooking up with didn't hook up with me before I left for SHOT. She's been messing with my brain for a whole week. I check in to the Mandalay Bay where there's a goddamn pornstar convention going on.
FML.
I find myself down at a craps table at 11PM and bringing a frontier flight attendant named Amber back to my room. The lucky streak continues. My flight leaves in a few hours. I kick her out of my room and pass out.
Flight leaves at 625 for CLT. Need to be at McCarran at 525. Out the door of the hotel by 5AM at the latest. I set my alarm.
*Saturday, January 27th. *
I wake up to see the sun shining through my hotel room. I look down at the alarm clock. 8:01AM.
My long standing joke is that I sleep like a dead prostitute. The evening of ravenous illegal in 48 states sex has taken its toll. Fuck. I grab the phone and press the button for guest services. I turn on the speaker as I open my bag wide and just stuff everything in as fast as I can. I throw my boots on as I tell them to check me out over the phone. I haul ass downstairs to the garage and I get to McCarran and board the shuttle to Terminal 1. I walk up to the AA desk knowing I am 11 different kinds of fucked. Nancy the gate agent starts working on my departure. AA's rule is 2 hours from departure on a flat tire. That's 8:25 AM. It's a few minutes before 9. Nancy the great agent cannot get anything to work. She has to put me in the special services line. By the time I get there, they tell me I'm flying standby and I'm on the flight to Philly leaving at 1PM in the afternoon. There is no way in hell they can get me on the 10AM to Phoenix.
My cousin is getting married in Boston and she is going to fucking kill me. I told her I'd be there around 6PM on the rebooking. And now I'm going to be leaving for Philly in 4 hours. Granted, the Amex Centurion Lounge has freshly squeezed OJ but that's not going to be enough today. I run to TSA and get cleared. I run past the Centurion to head straight for the Phoenix gate. Hopefully other folks have had an irish layover. The gate agent there starts working me and she says that they have two open seats and that they're gonna get me on. Just sit tight. I step to the side to let her help a few other folks gate check bags. The clock is ticking and her colleague closes the boarding door as I'm standing next to the gate looking fucked. I take a deep breath and try to keep it together.
A tap on the shoulder.
"Sir, your boarding pass. Exit row window. I've taken the liberty and called back to make sure there's space in the overhead for my bags so you don't have to gate check. You are good to go."
I look up at the three ladies working the podium.
FC: Can I hug any of you?
Gate Agent 1: No
Gate Agent 2: I'm sick
Gate Agent 3: Sure, why not?
I head behind the counter and give her a hug. She seems pleased.
I hightail it to the door. Gate agent 2 opens it up for me. I run down the jetway like a charging rhino, Chris Christie like. The flight attendants greet me by name and they realize that my nose is bleeding from the 8 ball I shared with Amber a few hours back. The FA points at my nose and asks me if I'd like to step into the lav. I realize it's probably pretty bad. I leave my bags in the galley and duck in and I stuff a bunch of paper in my nose as an ersatz tampon. I walk back out, grab my bags and I declare to the entire plane it's the dry air not a cocaine problem.
Nobody believes me.
I take my seat and there's an empty seat between me and an in uniform FA on the way home. We chat a bit and Cathy thinks my story is hilarious. She even gets on AA's PALL list for the flight to Boston and checks and says I'm number one on standby R4. A nice lady, I offer her one of my extra LaRue Dillo's. She thinks they're cute.
The working FA walks back and looks down at the traveling FA and says very discreetly there's a 40 minute ground hold due to PHX losing a runway. This is gonna be really really tight. My connecting flight to Boston is not looking good. We wait the 40 minutes for the hold and make it to PHX about 15 minutes behind schedule. I bolt to the Boston gate. I ask if they've cleared all the standby passengers. They say yes. I say I should be number one and they hand me a ticket in coach.
FC: Any way I can talk you into a seat in the front of the plane?
The hate agent just looks at me funny. He does not seem to think that's happening. He asks me if I have status on the airline. Sure do. He says no promises.
I tell him no sweat, I'm gonna go take a leak and come back around in 5.
I walk back up and he hands me my new boarding pass.
https://imgur.com/a/IJuPe
I call my cousin and tell her that I'm gonna be a few hours late. Great ride all the way into Boston. I sleep like a dead prostitute.
https://imgur.com/a/RKMSu
Just as we cruise past the city of big shoulders, the FA wakes me up.
"Mr Hayden, would you like some ice cream?"
I look at my neighbor who is a middle age female executive and she is plowing through hers like Sherman through Atlanta.
FC: You know what, Chuck? I've always wanted to say this. I'll have what she's having.
https://imgur.com/a/our5R
Ice cream on the ground, delicious.
Ice cream on a plane, FUCKING FANTASTIC.
FC out.

I first heard about Hey Rosetta! when I was living in St. John's. I was invited out to their CD release show having never heard of them before. I was blown away and have been making sure to see them anytime they swing through Nova Scotia. They are a highly entertaining live show and if you live in or near these cities it would be worth checking them out. I think they are touring with Hot Hot Heat (also Canadian).
Some of my favourites of their videos:
There's An Arc - Very fun video for “There’s An Arc” filmed in the lead singer's (Tim) house. I believe it is all one take.
Red Heart - video for “Red Heart” which is one of their more well known tracks I think. It has been on CBC radio 2 a bunch.
Red Song - “Red Song” is not from any album (Their is an EP of it though) but it is just wonderful.
Black Heart - Live video from the Majestic Theatre in St. John's (incidentally where I first saw them play), thanks to Bumblebeeman for mentioning this tune.
Olympic Video Essay - Stephen Brunt’s video essay on Canada’s 2010 Olympic experience (which ends with “Red Heart”).
List of shows in US and a few in Canada:
08/17/2010 - Hotel Cafe, Los Angeles CA -$8 / 7:00 pm
08/19/2010 - Rickshaw Stop, San Francisco CA - $15 / 9:00 pm - All Ages - 155 Fell Street San Francisco w/ Hot Hot Heat
08/20/2010 - Velvet Jones, Santa Barbara CA - $13 / 9:00 pm - 21+ - 423 State Street Santa Barbara w/ Hot Hot Heat
08/21/2010 - Belly Up Tavern, Solana Beach CA - $13 / 9:30 pm - 21+ - 143 S. Cedros Ave Solana Beach w/ Hot Hot Heat
08/22/2010 - Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, Las Vegas NV - $15 / 9:30 pm - 21+ - 4455 Paradise Road, Las Vegas w/ Hot Hot Heat
08/23/2010 - Martini Ranch, Scottsdale AZ - $13 / 7:00 pm - All Ages - 7295 E. Stetson Drive Scottsdale w/ Hot Hot Heat
08/24/2010 - The Rock, Tucson AZ - $13 / 7:00 pm - All Ages - 136 N. Park Tucson w/ Hot Hot Heat
08/26/2010 - The Loft, Dallas TX - $13 / 8:30 pm - 1135 S. Lamar Dallas w/ Hot Hot Heat
08/27/2010 - Emo's , Austin TX - $14 / 9:00 pm - All Ages - 603 Red River Austin
08/31/2010 - Masquerade - Hell Stage, Atlanta GA - $15 / 8:00 pm - All Ages - 695 North Ave. NE w/ Hot Hot Heat
09/01/2010 - The Mercy Lounge, Nashville TN - $13 / 9:00 pm - 18+ - One Cannery Row Nashville w/ Hot Hot Heat
09/03/2010 - Rock and Roll Hotel, Washington DC - $15 / 9:30 pm -All Ages - 1353 H St NE Washington w/ Hot Hot Heat
09/04/2010 - Ottobar, Baltimore MD - $15 / 9:00 pm - All Ages - 2549 N. Howard St. Baltimore w/ Hot Hot Heat
09/05/2010 - North Star Bar, Philadelphia PA - $15 / 8:30 pm - 21+ - 2639 W. Poplar St. Philadelphia w/ Hot Hot Heat
09/07/2010 - The Bowery Balroom, New York NY - $15 / 8:00 pm - 18+ - 6 Delancey St. New York w/ Hot Hot Heat
09/08/2010 - The Middle East Downstairs, Cambridge MA - $15 / 9:00 pm
09/10/2010 - Lincoln Hall, Chicago IL - $15 / 10:00 pm - 21+ - 2424 N. Lincoln Ave. w/ Hot Hot Heat
09/11/2010 - The Crofoot, Pontiac MI - $13 / 8:30 pm - All Ages - 1 S. Saginaw Pontiac w/ Hot Hot Heat
09/12/2010 - The Basement, Columbus OH - $13 / 8:00 pm - All Ages - 391 Neil Avenue Columbus w/ Hot Hot Heat
09/13/2010 - The Rave / Eagles Club, Milwaukee WI - $13 / 7:00 pm - All Ages - 2401 W. Wisconsin Ave w/ Hot Hot Heat
09/14/2010 - Vaudeville Mews, Des Moines IA - $13 / 8:00 pm - 21+ - 212 4th Street Des Moines w/ Hot Hot Heat
09/15/2010 - Seventh Street, Minneapolis MN - $13 / 9:00 pm - 18+ - 29 North 7th Street Minneapolis w/ Hot Hot Heat
09/17/2010 - Bluebird Theater, Denver CO - $12.75 / 9:00 pm - 16+ - 3317 E. Colfax Ave. Denver w/ Hot Hot Heat
09/18/2010 - Club Sound, Salt Lake City UT - $15 / 8:00 pm - All Ages 579 W. 200 South Salt Lake City w/ Hot Hot Heat
09/20/2010 - The Empyrean, Spokane WA - $12 / 7:00 pm - All Ages - 154 S Madison Spokane
09/21/2010 - Chop Suey, Seattle WA - $13 / 9:00 pm - All Ages - 1325 E. Madison Seattle w/ Hot Hot Heat
09/22/2010 - Someday Lounge, Portland OR - $ / 9:00 pm
09/24/2010 - Commodore Ballroom, Vancouver BC $25 / 8:00 pm Tickets $25 + service charges with Rich Aucoin and Hot Hot Heat
09/25/2010 - Rifflandia Music Festival 3 // Market Square, Victoria BC - $ / 8:00 pm
09/27/2010 - The Habitat, Kelowna BC - $ / 8:00 pm - 19+ with Rich Aucoin and Hot Hot Heat
09/29/2010 Republik, Calgary AB $20 / 8:00 pm 18+ with Rich Aucoin and Hot Hot Heat
10/02/2010 Pyramid Cabaret, Winnipeg MB $25.75 / 8:00 pm 18+ Tickets are $25.75 + service charges with Rich Aucoin and Hot Hot Heat
10/04/2010 The Wall at Nippising University, North Bay ON $13.27 / 8:00 pm with Rich Aucoin and Hot Hot Heat
10/06/2010 The Studio at Hamilton Place, Hamilton ON $30 / 8:00 pm All Ages Tickets $30 + service charges with Rich Aucoin and Hot Hot Heat
10/07/2010 Norma Jeans, London ON $17.50/$20 / 8:00 pm 19+ with Rich Aucoin and Hot Hot Heat
10/10/2010 Capital Music Hall, Ottawa ON $33.54 / 8:00 pm 19+ with Rich Aucoin and Hot Hot Heat
10/15/2010 Dagobert, Quebec City QC $ / 8:00 pm 18+ with Rich Aucoin and Hot Hot Heat
10/16/2010 Belmont, Montréal QC $ / 8:00 pm 18+ with Rich Aucoin and Hot Hot Heat
This is their site (I guess that is obvious) - http://www.heyrosetta.com/
I hope some people take the opportunity to go see them, would be good to have some Hey Rosetta! Kool-Aid drinkers on music!
Edited for Formatting

Subreddit	Title	Brand
pics	Sunset at Progressive Field in Cleveland, OH - 8/13/2016	Progressive
todayilearned	TIL: Mike Tyson has a tattoo of Mao Ze Dong on his arm	Tyson
videos	Atlanta Uber driver gets crazy and admits to drunk driving.	Uber
gaming	Local Walmart still has one ps2 game, well multiple copies of the same game	Walmart
Jokes	What does United Airline serve you first?	United
Showerthoughts	If Superman was black, Mr. and Mrs. Kent would have had a much more interesting time pretending he was their biological son.	Kent
todayilearned	TIL billionaire Mark Cuban once got Magic Johnson kicked off an airplane. Reason being, he obtained an American Airlines "fly anywhere" pass from a business deal, which grants access to any flight, any time, even if it's fully booked.	American Airlines
funny	Rare picture of Ancient United Airlines passengers	United
funny	Even Verizon knows phone insurance sucks	Verizon
Jokes	Whatis the difference between United and an arcade game?	United
nottheonion	South Jersey Uber drivers suing Atlantic City cabs for posing as rideshare drivers	Uber
news	A healthy 3-foot-long giant rabbit is found dead after United flight	United
videos	Jerry Lewis & Sammy Davis Jr LIVE at Ballys Casino 1988	Casino
todayilearned	TIL The first silent movie ever made in the United States was filmed in The Poconos Milford, Pike County, in 1912.	United
videos	Neil deGrasse Tyson on climate change denial	Tyson
news	Paducah KY Facebook video makes lasting mark on retail giant Toys R Us	Facebook
explainlikeimfive	ELI5:Why eBay is not activating site-wide Secure HTTPS considering the function, scale, and number of transactions they process?	eBay
videos	Father John Misty - Total Entertainment Forever	Total
Jokes	I heard Malaysian and United are merging.	United
Jokes	Did anyone notice that Youtube is almost a teen?	Youtube
mildlyinteresting	I took a picture of a city from my plane. It looks like an outline of the United States.	United
funny	From my Facebook feed....	Facebook
videos	Michael Jackson IS Gucci Mane 100% PROOF	Gucci
gaming	I recently bought an original Xbox off of a buddy and I'm super excited to play it! What are some definite must have games?	Xbox
philosophy	The entire philosophy of the United States constitution described in Two Paragraphs	United
Showerthoughts	A person's Google search history can tell you a lot about the person's criminal tendencies.	Google
mildlyinteresting	All the lights in a CBS studio	CBS
videos	Vlogger accidentally catches Pepsi saving a woman's life	Pepsi
explainlikeimfive	ELI5: In the movie Sky High what is Gwen's father alluding to when he is relieved that Will is "Not that boy with six arms"?	Sky
gaming	Dare Someone to record every single Lego game you can play and post it on Youtube in 1 video.	Youtube
gaming	Dare Someone to record every single Lego game you can play and post it on Youtube in 1 video.	Lego
funny	How Subway thinks we use Condiments Every Day	Subway
pics	Another Amazing Southwest Sunset	Southwest
AskReddit	What is your most regretted Google search?	Google
AskReddit	President Mia Khalifa is now in office, what changes occur in the United States?	United
Showerthoughts	The Heineken commercials are just as entertaining as the "Real Men Of Genius" Bud Light commercials.	Bud Light
Showerthoughts	The Heineken commercials are just as entertaining as the "Real Men Of Genius" Bud Light commercials.	Heineken
AskReddit	People who have survived flights on United Airlines, what are your stories?	United
Showerthoughts	Jessie Pinkman in the Mazda commercials is the most out of place TV voice I've ever heard	Mazda
videos	Toronto Tim Hortons fight over 10 cents	Tim Hortons
pics	Autistic son was sad that local McDonald's closed down so his parents built him one .. And yes the ice cream machine is still broken	McDonald's
funny	Autistic son upset that local McDonald's closed so parents built him one .. And yes the ice cream machine is still broken	McDonald's
Music	Machine Gun Kelly - Alpha Omega Hip Hop	Omega
sports	How does the ESPN deep layout affect the various sport leagues: NBA, NFL, MLB, NHL?	ESPN
Jokes	A massive rabbit aboard a United Airlines flight turns to the passenger sitting next to him and says	United
OldSchoolCool	March 1966 back cover of National Geographic - Full page United Airlines advertisement	United
pics	March 1966 National Geographic back cover ad for United Airlines	United
funny	I Don't Think eBay Is The Right Place To Sell USED Toothpaste	eBay
pics	Found at a Target in Oregon	Target
IAmA	AMA Request Whoever draws the Google doodles	Google
EarthPorn	Been sitting in My Google Drive for Awhile. Philmont Scout Ranch, New Mexico 1536x2048	Google
AskReddit	Current or past UbeLyft drivers, What are the pros and cons of driving for services like Uber or Lyft?	Uber
explainlikeimfive	ELI5: What makes ESPN considered liberal?	ESPN
mildlyinteresting	I felt safe on my United Flight from Hawaii	United
Jokes	What's the biggest difference between Google and Pornhub?	Google
videos	I Think the Heineken worlds apart ad tv edit has a different message.	Heineken
videos	Beer Yoga: Have you got the bottle to try it? BBC News	BBC
AskReddit	What are some funny unknown Youtube channels?	Youtube
videos	Toronto Tim Hortons fight over 10 cents	Tim Hortons
worldnews	Chinese anger over 'acid pollution' images - BBC News	BBC
funny	After the success of the Unicorn drinks Starbucks is trying to appeal to a different demographic	Starbucks
Showerthoughts	As a child my favorite part of the year was walking into Toys R Us, but now it's hearing the UPS driver knock on my door	UPS
mildlyinteresting	This McDonald's sign with only one arch	McDonald's
videos	Racist Uber Driver	Uber
Art	Trust in V, Apple pencil, 4"x4"	Apple
AskReddit	How do you take your Kraft Dinner?	Kraft
worldnews	'Huge explosion' rocks Damascus airport - BBC News	BBC
movies	Steven Spielberg on Watching John Ford Films	Ford
IAmA	AMA Request 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama	United
news	James Long is named as the person who violently beat up the Asian doctor on United Airlines, after Freedom of Information Act request by The Associated Press	United
nottheonion	Simon the giant rabbit, destined to be world's biggest, dies on United Airlines flight	United
videos	New Total War Game	Total
worldnews	'Huge explosion' rocks Damascus airport - BBC News	BBC
AskReddit	Who is your most famous in your opinion Twitter follower? What was their last tweet?	Twitter
personalfinance	$500 from Chase Bank	Chase
AskReddit	Who should be the next president of the United States of America?	United
AskReddit	Serious Casino workers: what do customers not know about that goes on behind the scenes?	Casino
worldnews	Turkey suspends more than 9,000 police officers over 'Gulen links' - BBC News	BBC
AskReddit	What do the Jewish members of Reddit think about the advent of Fanta,the VW beetle ,and the role of IBM and Hugo Boss in Nazi Germany?	IBM
Showerthoughts	Why does Subway bother naming their sandwiches when they have every customer choose the bread, cheese, produce, sauce, and condiments of every sandwich any way?	Subway
Showerthoughts	The gap between my eyebrows is the exact same width of a Gillette Mach 3.	Gillette
todayilearned	TIL: In the 1980's, AT&T used prisoners as subcontractors to act as AT&T representitives to sell its products. Their pay was only $2 a day.	AT&T
science	Baby humpback whales 'whisper' to mums to avoid predators - BBC News	BBC
worldnews	US police killer Eric Frein is sentenced to death - BBC News	BBC
science	Nasa waits on Cassini radio contact from Saturn - BBC News	BBC
videos	Kids who famously crashed their dad's BBC interview now have their own cartoon series	BBC
mildlyinteresting	i share a birthday Today. with Jenna Coleman i loved her in Doctor Who and when she reprised her role in Lego Dimensions. and Patrick Stump pretty sure he's a fallout boys or something? they have a few good songs.	Lego
funny	The secret behind Starbucks Unicorn Frappucchino	Starbucks
todayilearned	TIL a woman was given a brand new BMW after falling for their April fool's day prank	BMW
worldnews	Thai mother saw daughter being killed on Facebook Live	Facebook
WritingPrompts	WP 2 Raspberry Pi's have been send to the past to the year 1940. They are now in the hands of Winston Churchill who called his best scientists together.	Winston
funny	Horrific scenes at Tesco this morning	Tesco
Jokes	Did you heard about the black guy on a Delta flight?	Delta
news	Furious heiress sues United Airlines after she was reportedly kicked out of first class	United
news	Man gets kicked off Delta Air Lines flight for using the restroom before takeoff	Delta
worldnews	Man gets kicked off Delta Air Lines flight for using the restroom before takeoff	Delta
news	Hackers exploited Word flaw for months while Microsoft investigated	Microsoft
AskReddit	If you could add a disclaimer to the United States Constitution what would it be?	United
news	Migrants who raped woman on Facebook Live jailed for just two years	Facebook
listentothis	AV AV AV - Total Recall Electronic 2017	Total
AskReddit	If you woke up in the year 2200, What would your first Google search be?	Google
todayilearned	TIL that Kairo Seijuro AKA The Subway Samurai, AKA Kenneth Jacintho died last year whilst kayaking with a young girl	Subway
dataisbeautiful	Reddit's Alexa ranking is now 7th. Only Google, Youtube, Facebook, Baidu, Wikipedia, and Yahoo are ranked higher.	Yahoo
pics	Modern Publishers ABC Books	ABC
AskReddit	Which is the SAP Training in Noida?	SAP
nottheonion	Milwaukee man kicked off Delta flight after bathroom break	Delta
todayilearned	TIL that there are still 10 Blockbusters operating in the United Sates	United
pics	This nano-scale photograph of an Intel Xeon processor looks like something out of Tron.	Intel
pics	Tall Ships in Sail in Silhouette with London Sky Line at Sunset.	Sky
worldnews	UK government complains after Twitter cuts data access	Twitter
Music	Justin Vernon - Bruised Orange Chain of Sorrow Indie Folk	Orange
food	I ate White Chocolate Cheesecake with Clementines & Bitter Orange Syrup	Orange
todayilearned	TIL that In 2015, Facebook canceled Harvard student's internship after he highlighted a massive privacy issue.	Facebook
news	How did giant rabbit die on United Flight? Experts weigh in	United
gaming	It's a Winston POTG, but it's also High Noon	Winston
news	Bathroom break gets Milwaukee man kicked off Delta flight	Delta
gadgets	Smartphone camera shootout: Galaxy S8 vs. iPhone 7, Google Pixel, and LG G6	Google
TwoXChromosomes	I deactivated my Facebook and never looked back.	Facebook
AskReddit	If you were given the opportunity to rename the United States of America, what would you name it?	United
Showerthoughts	Someone named George must walk around in Walmart brand clothing feeling like such a boss	Walmart
Showerthoughts	The Apple Clock app icon works as a clock. This changed my life when I noticed.	Apple
Futurology	In the World of Tomorrow, Google Plans to Use AI to Do Everything	Google
worldnews	Russian warship collision in Black Sea - BBC News	BBC
news	Man kicked off flight for using bathroom after Delta flight was delayed 30 minutes on runway.	Delta
todayilearned	TIL: Gatorade makes a watermelon flavour with no colouring.	Gatorade
AskReddit	Why United States & Brazil are so different from other countries on Planet Earth?	United
mildlyinteresting	Dad fights forest fires with helicopters. Sent me this last week. Florida panther in the Cow Bell Fire region of Big Cypress.	Bell
space	Cassini radio signal from Saturn picked up after dive - BBC News	BBC
Documentaries	Krautrock: The Rebirth of germany 2009 - BBC documentary about the young and progressive musicians who developed a challenging new kind of music in Germany in the '60s and '70s	BBC
gaming	"Which Xbox One Games Deserve a Scorpio Upgrade?" What do you think?	Xbox
sports	One day after ESPN makes large staffing cuts	ESPN
Futurology	LEAF interviews an expert of the United Nations who defines the strategy to deal with population aging	United
sports	The Familiar Lousiness of the ESPN Layoffs – The Ringer	ESPN
gadgets	Huawei and Google supercharge Android with a new Raspberry Pi-like board	Google
sports	Someone edited the wikipedia page of ESPN president, John Skipper.	ESPN
Showerthoughts	Imagine a country where we had front page posts for individual teachers, nurses, engineers, etc. that were laid off like we did for ESPN personalities.	ESPN
videos	I know I'm late, but the NYT did a video that explains the guys behind Kreosan - one of my favorite Youtube channels in spite of it being mostly in Russian.	Youtube
pics	Long tail bird QUETZAL - 32 cm or 13 inches long, found in Mexico and very locally in southern United States	United
Showerthoughts	Rumors are that Apple is working on a car. If it's like any of it's other products, chances are that it won't connect to regular gas pumps and won't have a radio.	Apple
television	Did anyone see this horrible Ford ad in Designated Survivor last night?	Ford
worldnews	Arrest after incident in Whitehall - BBC News	BBC
funny	Ohhh Apple and your voicemail transcriptions...	Apple
mildlyinteresting	This banner ad inside a KFC restaurant is very direct and to-the-point	KFC
todayilearned	TIL that 218 tornadoes touched down on April 27, 2011, killing 317 people across the United States.	United
videos	On Delta the passengers sing to the Flight attendant.	Delta
EarthPorn	Trail between the trees in Southwest Virginia OC 1170 x 2080	Southwest
funny	Someone screenshot a Facebook post, printed it out, took a picture of it, then posted that picture on Facebook, and I took a screenshot.	Facebook
TwoXChromosomes	Uber driver in Orange County charged with raping his passenger	Orange
mildlyinteresting	Bank of America and Citi use the same stock model.	Citi
Documentaries	The Spy in the IRA 2017- BBC Panorama on the British spy Freddie Scappaticci's controversial actions during his time undercover.	BBC
sports	Apps to replace ESPN - for scores and news	ESPN
pics	The Physics of The Orange One...	Orange
videos	O.K. Google - comedy sketch	Google
worldnews	Arrest after incident in Whitehall - BBC News	BBC
Documentaries	Final Offer 1985 The filmmakers were given remarkable freedom to record the historic 1984 contract negotiations between the United Auto Workers and General Motors Corporation.	United
worldnews	The United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization UNESCO is set to vote on Tuesday, Israel's Independence Day, on a resolution that comes out against Israeli sovereignty over Jerusalem	United
AskReddit	People who buy Starbucks regular coffee over McDonald's coffee, lol why?	McDonald's
AskReddit	People who buy Starbucks regular coffee over McDonald's coffee, lol why?	Starbucks
videos	This guy does metal covers in public, solely for the Youtube viewers clearly. LOVE that initiativ! Get out there, people!!	Youtube
WritingPrompts	WP Walmart adopts new customer service policies; employees may say whatever the fuck they want to customers	Walmart
news	Terror arrest near Houses of Parliament - BBC News	BBC
Showerthoughts	People who buy Starbucks coffee in Seattle are supporting 'local businesses'	Starbucks
AskReddit	In the United States, do you believe men and women are equal? Why or why not?	United
explainlikeimfive	ELI5: The Wells Fargo scandal and their attempts to fix it and repair their image.	Wells Fargo
pics	when Uber wont let you transport medieval artillery, but the local bike taxi likes a challenge! 5 foot canon in Ho Chi Minh.	Uber
sports	National Golf Day + ESPN Layoffs	ESPN
movies	[Alien: Covenant x Audi lunar quattro	20th Century FOX](https://www.reddit.com/movies/comments/67w6xf/alien_covenant_x_audi_lunar_quattro_20th_century/)
Showerthoughts	I spend more money on Starbucks coffee than video games/books/movies, etc.	Starbucks
Showerthoughts	I wonder if there will be a point people have taken so many TD Bank pens that they start giving them back.	TD
TwoXChromosomes	An international advocacy group concerned about restrictive laws in the United States plans to help women self-induce abortions at home, offering online advice and counseling about how to use medications that can terminate their pregnancies.	United
mildlyinteresting	I "read" an article about some Wendy's burns and I got an Burger King ad.	Burger King
movies	Rhona Mitra kickass compilation in Hard Target 2 spoilers	Target
AskReddit	How come only Verified Twitter accounts seem to always reply to Donald Trump's tweets?	Twitter
Jokes	Justin Bieber and One Republic had a Twitter fight a few years ago.	Twitter
personalfinance	Called to cancel AT&T agent tried swaying me to stay, said I should change grandfathered unlimited plan & my $20 text plan to the new Unlimited All. Said my plan was irrelevant. Anyone have any insight? Is the new unlimited plan worth it or is there a catch? I will be saving about $50 per month.	AT&T
AskReddit	Apart from United Air, What company's product you will never use or support?	United
nottheonion	Delhi University to add Facebook course to English degrees including status writing	Facebook
WritingPrompts	WP It is recorded fact that the Mexican–American War had 1,733 American soldiers killed in battle...with 13,283 total casualties. The United States had alternative motives for the war.	United
worldnews	Marine A Alexander Blackman to be freed 'on Friday' - BBC News	BBC
AskReddit	SeriousReddit, what led the modern day Republican Party in the United States to be so cruel in their policies?	United
funny	This is not the Mister Rogers you are looking for	Rogers
photoshopbattles	PsBattle: Statue in Italy of man holding Ronald McDonald's head	McDonald's
AskReddit	What essential Google Chrome extensions do you use?	Google
pics	A Boeing Salmon Thirty Salmon	Boeing
funny	For understanding: The model is Ford KA	Ford
Music	Do you prefer Apple Music or Spotify?	Apple
sports	Can someone explain to me how ESPN can fire 100 personalities but continue to employ Stephen A. Smith?	ESPN
gaming	We need an open world, Google Earth based free roam driving/flying game.	Google
mildlyinteresting	My drink from Subway came with a yellow lid.	Subway
pics	Found in the bargain bin at a Lego store...	Lego
AskReddit	Serious Why doesn't the president of the United States ever travel to North Korea to meet with the leader?	United
worldnews	Boris Johnson's sister joins Lib Dems in bid to block Brexit	Johnson's